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  1. #11
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    Also......when I was ill in hospital with appendicitis (when I was preggers) I had an amnio to try to diagnose what was wrong with me. The amniotic fluid was free of infection but they sent the results off to be genetically tested. I agreed to get it done as I figure the more info the better. It came back with an abnormal result which was pretty shocking. Everything turned out ok, the abnormality turned out to be harmless but we had to talk to a genetisist about the baby's family tree. Of course that involved talking about our donor. So within a couple of weeks of him being born we had to disclose that he was donor conceived to a doctor. So I imagine it would be pretty difficult to avoid telling anyone through the whole lifetime of the child if it was decided to not disclose the donor history to the child.

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  3. #12
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    We wanted couldn't think of any friends or family etc to donate to us so decided it would be a lot quicker and easier to go overseas. We decided that our future child's possible need to know a lot about the donor and even possibly contact her once 18 combined with wanting to be able to ask her genetic and medical questions if anything ever happened was most important to us. We sought out a semi-known relationship with a donor in USA but we ended up all agreeing to a known or open relationship. So glad we went down this route and was able to meet the donor face to face prior to fet. She was really lovely and we now occasionally exchange emails. We intend to be totally upfront with our son about the donor thing even though it is sometimes a little uncomfortable and confronting for us. Hope this helps!

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  5. #13
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    @AngelD how beautiful triplets woo hoo. Im sure you are super excited thanks so much for sharing. Enjoy your HnH 9 months or maybe 8 in your case haha

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  7. #14
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    @Summer we haven't discussed it at length ... we had a counselling session to help with our failed ivf cycle just after we had decided to go overseas, and spoke with the counsellor about the anonymous donor situation. She helped us become even more comfortable with our decision. As a pp said, it's nurture vs nature - I am the mother of these babies, it's a different situation to adoption. We will be sharing the story of how we came to become a family with the help of a generous lady in Greece, and will be giving them a connection to Greece in their names

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  9. #15
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    @stacey10 just wanted to say i admire your courage. My sis has 4 children and the comments she gets about no tv are ridiculous. I think big familys are beautiful and i say there are plenty of reasons to keep adding to your family if thats what you want. Also i have lived in small towns and yes you're right on the children being known as the de children i hadnt thought about that.
    @Summer great thread btw. Im really not sure but for now I think i will be open and honest with my kids but no one else will know? If like @Bongley there becomes a medical reason for people to know i will cross that bridge when or if it happens.

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  11. #16
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    After nine failed attempts with my own eggs and two miscarriages I decided it was time to look at other options. I wanted an anonymous egg donor since I really didn't want contact with the donor since I was the birth mother and I didn't want anyone else involved in my child's life. I also preferred that my doctor in Greece, Dr Kanakas, chose my donor for me based on my looks. I was glad that I didn't see her, since I know that I would be constantly comparing her to my child. This way I just compare him to the sperm donor I used and people are always saying how he has my nose and looks like me, so I'm really happy.

    So for me anonymous was the only choice since I wanted to be the only mama in his life. When he gets older I will tell him that mum needed help conceiving and that I used another woman's egg. He will also know I used a sperm donor too, but this will be when he's mature and stable enough to handle this sensitive information.

    Hope this helps. I wish you all the best.

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  13. #17
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    We are looking at anonymous ed overseas purely cause weve gad many oe cycles that haven't worked and age is against me. If the law changes and the donor is happy i would be fine with contact. Ive also got a 20 yr old son who is openly adopted so i see the benefits in being open and honest. Overseas for ys purely cause its reasonable no waiting periods and younger donors and going to a country where ed is legislated by the gvmt and donors are not paid mega bucks cause of their looks or education.

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  15. #18
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    I havent got much to add at this time except to say how lovely snd heartening if is to see how non judgemental the thread is and how wonderful it us to see people share different opinions and life choices in a civilised manner. Any kids (or potential kids) of ours are lucky to have us, i reckon xox

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  17. #19
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    Default Egg Donation: Anon versus Known - how did you decide?

    Each to their own for sure. As a known Aussie donor I completely understand why people would choose to go overseas. I hate that the system here means that you have to *compete* for lack of a better word for a donor. I have always hated that aspect and feel **** about it - I never had to prove myself to become a mother, why should you?! I don't like the alternative of paying big $$ here either though. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't altruistic. I think it means donors are overstimmed by FS's and unrealistic expectations on both numbers and characteristics are created. I honestly don't know what the right answer is.
    On the other side though , I have lovely relationships with my recipients ( 6 of them) and can assure you I in no way feel like I am those children's mother, nor do I give 2 hoots about their parenting. I make myself available for their babies should they ever want me to answer their questions or curiosity and also for my kids because they deserve to know their genetic links- I also genuinely like the people I have donated to ( although we are all very different).
    I have enjoyed this conversation- thankyou

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  19. #20
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    @spotsmum thank you so much for adding your perspective in here, it is really lovely to read from the other side - I know you've given such an incredible gift to so many, that speaks volumes about the type of person you are. And as one of the other ladies mentioned, they hope that is the main characteristic that gets passed on from the egg donor mother

    I'm really enjoying this thread as well, it is really helpful to hear the different stories and perspectives as I hope it will give me some guidance as to how to manage how I move forward. My ideal scenario was a known donor, but my Aussie donor pulled out and broke our heart at the last minute, and the time factor for me is now a huge issue, so I feel like overseas is the best option. But of course I'm struggling with the anon aspect and I guess I'm trying to find a perspective that allows me to move forward in a way I can come to terms with in respect of the future child not being able to trace their heritage. Thanks everyone, I agree it's been a very respectful and non-judgemental conversation and I hope we have a few more posters as I know many on BH are heading, or have done DE

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