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  1. #1
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    Default Need a quick vent!

    A week ago dh and I found out we were pregnant (first time for us) and straight away he was cautious - didn't want to get excited until the blood test came through. His enthusiasm improved but he's responding far more cautious than I imagined.

    Admittedly, I'm only 4 weeks so he is right to be cautious but it's made me realize how challenging this journey will be seeing as I physically experience everything and his experience is different. E.g. In the week I had dull cramps and could definitely feel things were changing in my body...esp b00bs hurting and growing. But dh brushed it all aside insinuating that I'm experiencing all pregnancy symptoms all of a sudden. I do see where he is coming from but I'm not imagining the pain and twinges I've felt!

    My dh is quite a romantic and sensitive person and we've been wanting to conceive for awhile...I just feel disheartened with our different reactions. I know the stats for first trimesters but I can't help but feel fully invested and attached to our bubba growing inside of me!

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    Firstly; congratulations. What a huge thing for you both. Sorry it's not quite what you'd hoped for. He is protecting his own emotions on the odd chance things don't work out. It's reflecting negatively in your life together, but is coming from a serious concern and so shouldn't be dismissed. Maybe try explaining to him that his reactions are causing you to lose some o the "magic" and that this hurts you. He likely hasn't seen it from this perspective and doesn't understand. Best of luck, and I hope this pregnancy is wonderfully boring for you both xx

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy.

    I found similar with my DH and our pregnancies. I loved my bubs from the minute I knew they existed, and am invested in them from the start.

    For men, they don't feel the existence of a baby, they don't see too many physical changes in you, and don't connect as much to bub as you do.

    With my DH, that first scan and seeing a heartbeat was the first turning point. It was the first time he saw any sign of the existence of our child.

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    Throughout my pregnancies my hubby hasn't been nearly excited as me. Especially now that I can feel the baby moving but he can't on the outside yet, I'm super excited but he's still not that enthused. I really saw a huge shift in him when our daughter was born, it was like an instant connection between them, and I'm sure I'll see the same this time. I think like you've mentioned it's hard for them to feel connected like we do; the baby is always with us and reminding us of their presence, initially with the cramps and discomfort and later on with their kicks and prods (and still plenty of discomfort lol).

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    I totally get what you mean. DH was similar. Honestly he did not *seem* excited until baby was here but that was just him. They cannot see or feel what we do so they can feel like an onlooker. It does not mean they are not excited or do not care but they deal differently.

    Many congrats! Exciting times.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Smurfy View Post

    With my DH, that first scan and seeing a heartbeat was the first turning point. It was the first time he saw any sign of the existence of our child.
    THANKS for all the replies!!! My hubby has mentioned the scan a couple of times so I think he'll feel differently once he knows all is ok! And has a visual

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    DP was the same. It really upset me and I thought he didn't care as much because DD (my first) was his 3rd child. He said that he doesn't like to get excited 'just incase' and only shows his emotion when his kids are born. True to his word he is the most doting father and he and DD have an amazing bond.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    I really saw a huge shift in him when our daughter was born, it was like an instant connection between them
    This. My DH was exactly the same. I was a bit disheartened that he seemed so disinterested while I was pregnant but like others have said it probably is because we feel and experience every change and they don't. After both our DDs were born it was and instant connection between them and now they can't get enough of their Dad.

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    We were the opposite - DH was instantly connected and excited. I was extremely cautious and nervous. His excitement hasn't wavered the whole way through but I've only started feeling really connected and positive in the last month or so (I'm 29 weeks now). I felt awful and kept apologizing because I know how much of a downer it probably was for him! But it's just in my personality - I don't get excited about things that might not work out because I hate being disappointed and having people feeling sorry for me. He said he'd rather be happy about our little miracle from the start, no matter what. I said I'd prefer to try and prepare for the worst, then get excited once I felt a bit more certainty around it. I don't think either way of dealing with things is wrong, just different.

    I know it probably feels like he's ruining your excitement right now, but, if he's just feeling like he should be cautious to protect his emotions as much as possible, he'll come around as time goes on. There's certain 'milestones' that definitely increased my optimism and excitement along the way - first scan, 12 week scan, reaching the second trimester, starting to feel her kick etc. looking back it was like I was secretly excited the whole time, but didn't want to show it for fear of jinxing it or something!

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    And I suppose 9 months is a long time...in that there'll be plenty of time for us to be excited together during the pregnancy! Thanks again, everyone! It's nice to be able vent and have people understand/share their experiences

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