I do actually see a reason to stay....we used to have a lot of fun together (I hope we could again), I feel attached to him, we have common beliefs, we are (or were) good friends. I don't feel totally distant, yet. I feel adrift and lost. And very confused. I wish he would just stop this behaviour. To lose him, by walking away, would be incredibly difficult, not just practically. I would feel like a failure. I would feel such loss on my children's behalf too.
Smurfy, yes exactly, why didn't he do something earlier? His attempts were just talk and no action. And it was all on me, so then he could change his behaviour. He is really acting like he's given up. Being pretty foul to be all the time at the moment, since I started to push for some action, and every calm attempt to raise the subject gets me nowhere.
I downloaded 'Should I stay or should I go?' a couple of days ago. Reading the part about personality disorders, it rings a lot of bells actually. And that's scary. Because he's not going to see there's a problem. Its all twisted and put back onto me. It's like I'm going crazy, I actually doubt myself so much, and the validity of my feelings. I feel like the biggest drama queen. Going to keep reading and writing him a letter. My lease is up for renewal, maybe I should ask for a 6 month term this time in case I need to leave. So hard.
Thanks for your advice, it's so helpful to have outside opinions, even though it's all from my perspective!