Sorry this will be long but just want to give a bit of backstory.
My DD started daycare about 6 months ago when she was 3 years old. She's a very shy child and anxious in social situations. The centre she goes to is a larger centre but I chose this over a small family daycare as I wanted her to get used to this type of environment in preparation for Kindy (which she will do at this same centre) and school. She attends twice a week from 8:30 to 3.
At the start she was not interacting with anyone besides her teacher, she would cry at drop off and pickup and really didn't enjoy it at all.
After a couple of months she made friends with a little girl and things seemed to improve. She was happy to go and at pickup was busy playing when I got there, not sitting at the door waiting for me like she had been previously.
For about the last 3 weeks when I go to pick her up she's playing by herself and when she tries to say bye to her friend the little girl runs away. My DD always runs after her saying bye bye and I have to call her back. DD has started saying no one plays with her at school and when she tries to play with anyone they run away from her and say she's a monster
I've tried to explain that if people don't want to play with her she should find someone else to play with or find something fun to do on her own. She never talks about anyone else being a friend, only this one girl and I try to explain she can have other friends but she says no X is my friend. She can't tell me anyone else's name in her class. She's starting to complain about going to daycare again though thankfully she hasn't started crying again and drop off.
I've tried to ask her teachers about this but they keep saying she plays with other kids just fine during the day. Truthfully I don't think they're very good at keeping an eye on things. They have a website where they post stories and pictures and in every picture DD is on her own away from the other kids, I never see her really engaged with the other kids. There are other things that have happened involving DD wetting her pants constantly despite me asking them to remind her to use the toilet before nap time, and issues with lunch which makes me think they're not really on top of things around there and whenever I try and ask about it I feel I get fobbed off, 'oh she's fine' type of thing. Sometimes they'll say/ write on the daily chart that she ate all her lunch and then she won't have touched anything in her lunchbox so I know they weren't paying attention.
I don't really know what to do, I feel so sad for my DD that twice a week she spends the whole day pretty much just alone feeling sad. DH thinks we should look at changing centres. The whole point of enrolling her this year was so she would be ready for Kindy next year so I don't want to hastily switch centres, and even if we did I'm worried it would be the same somewhere else. Is it normal for almost 4yo kids to play mostly independently and not really socialize with other kids? Does what's happening at this centre sound pretty standard? I really don't know what to do.