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  1. #1
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    Default No friends at daycare, what to do

    Sorry this will be long but just want to give a bit of backstory.

    My DD started daycare about 6 months ago when she was 3 years old. She's a very shy child and anxious in social situations. The centre she goes to is a larger centre but I chose this over a small family daycare as I wanted her to get used to this type of environment in preparation for Kindy (which she will do at this same centre) and school. She attends twice a week from 8:30 to 3.

    At the start she was not interacting with anyone besides her teacher, she would cry at drop off and pickup and really didn't enjoy it at all.

    After a couple of months she made friends with a little girl and things seemed to improve. She was happy to go and at pickup was busy playing when I got there, not sitting at the door waiting for me like she had been previously.

    For about the last 3 weeks when I go to pick her up she's playing by herself and when she tries to say bye to her friend the little girl runs away. My DD always runs after her saying bye bye and I have to call her back. DD has started saying no one plays with her at school and when she tries to play with anyone they run away from her and say she's a monster

    I've tried to explain that if people don't want to play with her she should find someone else to play with or find something fun to do on her own. She never talks about anyone else being a friend, only this one girl and I try to explain she can have other friends but she says no X is my friend. She can't tell me anyone else's name in her class. She's starting to complain about going to daycare again though thankfully she hasn't started crying again and drop off.

    I've tried to ask her teachers about this but they keep saying she plays with other kids just fine during the day. Truthfully I don't think they're very good at keeping an eye on things. They have a website where they post stories and pictures and in every picture DD is on her own away from the other kids, I never see her really engaged with the other kids. There are other things that have happened involving DD wetting her pants constantly despite me asking them to remind her to use the toilet before nap time, and issues with lunch which makes me think they're not really on top of things around there and whenever I try and ask about it I feel I get fobbed off, 'oh she's fine' type of thing. Sometimes they'll say/ write on the daily chart that she ate all her lunch and then she won't have touched anything in her lunchbox so I know they weren't paying attention.

    I don't really know what to do, I feel so sad for my DD that twice a week she spends the whole day pretty much just alone feeling sad. DH thinks we should look at changing centres. The whole point of enrolling her this year was so she would be ready for Kindy next year so I don't want to hastily switch centres, and even if we did I'm worried it would be the same somewhere else. Is it normal for almost 4yo kids to play mostly independently and not really socialize with other kids? Does what's happening at this centre sound pretty standard? I really don't know what to do.

  2. #2
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    Default No friends at daycare, what to do

    I wouldn't say at 3 or 4 they have besties as such but by 4 DS definitely had a few boys he always hung out with at Pre school , I always make a point of organising play dates when he meets new kids and that definitely helps them form bonds , even if it's just going to the park after pre scool , maybe try ask her who you should invite and ask the mum next time you see her , as for the daycare centre yes just really be one of "those mums" who does ask questions and asks for reports of how she's going as my SIL had the same trouble at her centre and once they realised she would always ask they seemed to pay more attention and watch her daughter more!

  3. #3
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    My daughter was much more confident but she didn't know any other kids names when she was doing three year old preschool. Although she was only there 3 hours a week so not as many hours as your daughter. I'd be expecting the preschool teachers to pick up on that, could you make an appt to speak to them further or just do a few early pick ups where you could sneak in and see if she is interacting.

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    Hugs @Mama Mirabelle
    I don't really have any suggestions apart from speaking to the carers and perhaps trying to organise a couple of catch ups outside of daycare so she can get some more confidence with the same group of children?

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    My DS having same troubles.

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the replies. The problem with arranging play dates is that I never really meet any of the parents, we all drop off and pick up at different times so I don't even know how to go about it.

    They've sent through another picture with the caption 'a lovely picture of DD and X playing together' and its a picture of X playing and DD just standing off to one side looking sad/ disinterested. It makes it hard to believe them when they say she plays during the day if that's what they call playing.

    I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep sending her here or find a smaller family daycare where she might feel less overwhelmed and more comfortable.

  7. #7
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    If we need to send a note to another parent we give it to the carers with the child's name on it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by amyd View Post
    If we need to send a note to another parent we give it to the carers with the child's name on it.
    Our childcare has pockets for each child. We can put things in there or give to the carer to give to the child (or put it in the child's locker).

    I am not sure what to suggest OP as I have not seen the centre or the pics or the behaviour of your DD.

    DS is 3.5yo and has been in care since he was 10 months or so. He has a 'best friend' but they have been together almost the whole time.

    There have been times he has been ignored by his best friend and runs after him only to be ignored. They also sometimes play in the sam area but not together.

    What do you think? Gut feeling?

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    Default No friends at daycare, what to do

    .
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 06-10-2016 at 10:06.

  10. #10
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    This made me get a tear in my eye, any improvement?


 

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