Last edited by KittyDeFleur; 05-10-2016 at 19:40.
Before I give single parenting advice.... Are you sure the issues are bad enough that you'd leave your husband?
Op: kids can be ****heads regardless of whether they are your kids or step kids. Working husbands aren't able to spend as much time with their babies as we would like. Yes I much prefer having the run of the house all to myself when on mat leave (I hate company!) however it is normal and reasonable for a parent to provide housing and support for their 20 year old child - and I presume you knew about your husbands elder child when you got together.
The only think I can see that isn't ok is any disrespect that maybe going on. Even that's a gray area. For example the 20 year old could feel displaced, like your nagging him or whatever and that could be why he's reacting (or maybe he's just a jerk I don't know.)
I think it's reasonable to expect your husband to be at the centre of sorting any friction out. Laying down ground rules, figuring out what is at the root of the conflict and finding a solution. Just be prepared - there may be a need for give and take on your part too. I do not think it's reasonable for the default solution to be for the child (a 20 year old is still a child) to move out.
If you are having difficult getting used to motherhood (totally normal, don't feel bad) I also would expect your husband to be at the centre of helping you out. Hooking you up with a support network, with strategies to get out and about etc.
If your husband is being a **** as well then that is another story.
Last edited by VicPark; 05-10-2016 at 08:06.
Thanks guys but we have tried all this. The issue is not the son living here but the son not respecting me and being rude to me and not helping around the house unless you nag. I don't like nagging. I frankly don't care if he doesn't find part time work as long as he is trying to fit in.
All my husband does is put his head into the sand and let me deal with this on a daily basis.
I am fine with parenting Bub but never was fine living in a hostile environment. This was meant to change, I've been promised for years. It isn't going to happen and now that I am home a lot I am on my limits.
I get along perfectly with his other children.
So yes I've had enough.
Do you think it is time for you to contact Centerlink or perhaps just a social worker, to give you advice on how to afford to move out? I think you need to know where you stand financially, and then you can make whatever plans. It is sad that the behaviour of the son is causing you to end your relationship. Do you think your husband actually knows how serious the situation is. ?? I wish you good luck, marie.
It's normal for kids to need nagging to do stuff around the house. Even older ones. And it's semi normal for kids to be disrespectful. It's frustrating but it's normal. The human brain doesn't fully mature until a person is around 27 years of age - it's up to parents to help guide them through life until then.
What specifically have you and your hubby tried to help improve underlying communication issues? There are organisations out there with parenting courses/family conflict training - perhaps your GP can hook you up with someone. (If it were me I would task hubby with this - an ultimatum).
I've read a few of your previous posts. Any chance your step-son has an underlying condition such as Aspergers? If so, the traditional nag approach won't work. There is a lot of material online regarding different strategies to help someone become motivated to do 'chores.'
Last edited by VicPark; 05-10-2016 at 19:03.
I like this idea. Never heard of such programs. Thank you. I'll look into this.
I've talked to hubby over and over again. We tried exclusion etc but nothing works as hubby isn't consistent. He gets away with it. Even if he is rude to me in front of him hubby often doesn't say anything. It's frustrating.
His other kids are different and I know my stepbrother is different and so was I. I don't think it's normal not wanting to get a job, being disrespectful and just ignoring tasks given all the time. I understand that, on Occassion, nagging is essential. However, I feel like all I am doing is arguing with him and nagging him.
Your husband needs to pull his finger out and work out whether anything is 'going on' with his kid, what support his kid needs to grow into a responsible mature adult and what support you need to enjoy the wonderful experience that motherhood can be.
Wise Enough (06-10-2016)
This isn't a kid it's a 20 year old man. I would expect respect from him to some degree and yes he absolutely needs to get a job.
Personally I would sit down with your husband and lay all your cards on the table. Then maybe the 3 of you can have a talk. For example you will support him for 3 months till he gets work but in the mean time he has x chores to do while home.
If your husband refuses to then yes I would leave. What an uncomfortable and frustrating situation especially with a baby.
To start with look at a small place a 1 bedroom unit would be enough.
Speak to Centrelink and see what you are entitled to. You can then see the figures.
Can you go on holiday maybe to see family for 3 months while your husband deals with his son?
Is it as simple as he absolutely needs to get a job? I think he's studying as well? Modes his father/Austudy contribute financially on his behalf? Are there roadblocks (perceived or otherwise) to him getting a job? If the story was told from his perspective how would it go?
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