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  1. #1
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    Default My daughter told her friend shes's fat....WWYD??

    Hi hubbers,

    I need some advise....
    Problem 1
    My 6.5 year old apparently said to her friend that she is fat. I didn't hear this my self, another mum told me. Apparently this child's mum told my friend what my daughter had said. My friend said that she would let me know, but the child's mother said not too, just to let it go. When I learnt of this, I was very disappointed and spoke to my daughter straight away about it, reminding her that saying such things can be very hurtful and make others feel very sad. I I asked her why she said this and she said that she couldn't remember saying it to her friend. In her defense, I was only made aware of this a week after it apparently happened, so it could be quite legitimate that she cant remember? Who knows? It's now been 2 months and her friend's mum has been ignoring me and very stand offish to my daughter.
    wwyd in this situation?
    Would you bring it up with the other mother? I don't really know her that well
    or just let it go?

    Problem 2.
    Of late, I have noticed that my daughter has been finding it hard to find her pace in her peer group. She seems to lack confidence and gets upset easily when her friends go off together to play. How can I help her to be confident and feel secure in herself to just join in and contribute? What skills can I teach her to accomplish this?
    Particularity in group situations, I have noticed that her friends seem to get annoyed by her easily. I don't know why, I just hear them tell her off or speak to her in a frustrated kinda way. This then further diminishes her self confidence and she then retracts back into herself or further annoy's them. I suspect that she is trying to fit in and be noticed, but going about it the wrong way. I have spoken to her teacher about her friendship's at school and she told me that she gets along well with everyone. I can see that she is really struggling to find her place in her group of friends and it's breaking my heart to see it. I want to nip this in the bub now, so she grow's into a happy, confident and secure young woman.
    Can anyone suggest some good advise they have gotten previously? or what I can do to help her. Has anyone got any book suggestions that I could read that may help?
    Thanks for listening
    Last edited by mummyoftwo; 05-10-2016 at 06:46.

  2. #2
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    Problem 1: I would say something to the other mum along the lines of "thanks for raising the issue through XYZ person. We've spoken about it and I hope there will be no repeat. How's yours daughter going at school?

    I couldn't not acknowledge it as I would hate for the other mum to think I did nothing to nip the behavior in the bud.

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    twinklify  (05-10-2016)

  4. #3
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    Default My daughter told her friend shes's fat....WWYD??

    Omg, it's like you're describing 6.5yo me! I was so awkward. I matured socially very late and school was awful. My life since school has been awesome though (well, most of it).

    I actually did tell one of my friends they looked a bit fat in a photo at that age. TBH, I just didn't realise it was a negative thing to say. I come from a family where people always call each other fat, and think it's funny, and I got the wrong message. It sounds like the other girl's mother is being a cow. She doesn't want to bring it up, so she just gives you the silent treatment? That's immature.

    As for the social group, you may want to consider that issue 2 led to issue 1. At that age I also had problems fitting into a peer group. Kids are smarter than we think. One thing my 'friends' would do is deliberately take something I said the wrong way and get me into trouble for it. You may want to keep it at the back of your mind that this may be what happened here.

    The other issue that I remember so clearly is that my friends' parents would call my mother about every issue or perceived issue their children brought up about me and I would get into trouble for it. However, when a kid was mean to me, my mother would encourage me to let it go. I see what she was trying to do, but what it taught me was that it's ok for people to be mean to me but I can't be mean to them.

    I believe that, being a timid, awkward kid, what I really needed was to be built up and taught to be assertive while also being taught boundaries. So, you can't tell a kid they look fat, but if someone is unkind to you, you can call them out and tell them not to speak to you that way. And let her know you have her back.

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    Alicia111  (06-10-2016),binnielici  (06-10-2016),gingermillie  (06-10-2016),Sketch  (06-10-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Problem 1: I would say something to the other mum along the lines of "thanks for raising the issue through XYZ person. We've spoken about it and I hope there will be no repeat. How's yours daughter going at school?

    I couldn't not acknowledge it as I would hate for the other mum to think I did nothing to nip the behavior in the bud.
    This.

  7. #5
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    Clear signs of low self confidence.. I'd recommend 52 ideas on how to boost your child's confidence by Lucy Morgans.

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by jennykins View Post
    Clear signs of low self confidence.. I'd recommend 52 ideas on how to boost your child's confidence by Lucy Morgans.
    Thanks, will have a look

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    jennykins  (06-10-2016)

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Omg, it's like you're describing 6.5yo me! I was so awkward. I matured socially very late and school was awful. My life since school has been awesome though (well, most of it).

    I actually did tell one of my friends they looked a bit fat in a photo at that age. TBH, I just didn't realise it was a negative thing to say. I come from a family where people always call each other fat, and think it's funny, and I got the wrong message. It sounds like the other girl's mother is being a cow. She doesn't want to bring it up, so she just gives you the silent treatment? That's immature.

    As for the social group, you may want to consider that issue 2 led to issue 1. At that age I also had problems fitting into a peer group. Kids are smarter than we think. One thing my 'friends' would do is deliberately take something I said the wrong way and get me into trouble for it. You may want to keep it at the back of your mind that this may be what happened here.

    The other issue that I remember so clearly is that my friends' parents would call my mother about every issue or perceived issue their children brought up about me and I would get into trouble for it. However, when a kid was mean to me, my mother would encourage me to let it go. I see what she was trying to do, but what it taught me was that it's ok for people to be mean to me but I can't be mean to them.

    I believe that, being a timid, awkward kid, what I really needed was to be built up and taught to be assertive while also being taught boundaries. So, you can't tell a kid they look fat, but if someone is unkind to you, you can call them out and tell them not to speak to you that way. And let her know you have her back.
    Thank you for your reply, it's very I insightful & good to get some perspective from some who has been through this themselves.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to mummyoftwo For This Useful Post:

    Sally1981  (07-10-2016)


 

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