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  1. #1
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    Default Family duds

    I feel pretty annoyed right now . It's my little ones birthday today and my mum never texted or called , have not heard from my sister , have not heard from my brother . I always send there kids lovely gifts ( guitars , transformers , ride on toys ) . It happened also with my two other kids birthdays too- nothing - no call or acknowledgement . I'm so over being the one who makes an effort in my family . They just don't seem to care at all. We don't live in the same state and my mum and dad live overseas , if I forgot my mums birthday she would be so sad and upset with me .

    Why do familys act this way ? My daughter is such q sweetheart . I feel like telling them all to leave me alone for a while . My sister never ever calls , if i didn't call her I would never hear from her. I sent her a message telling her I loved her and that I wanted us to have a closer relationship and she replied ok but then leaves it to me to call . My brother never calls , occasionally texts. My dad - I don't ever hear from him unless he is home on the odd occasion I call mum . Mum is pretty much strange , she LOVES my brother so much and my sister but doesn't bother much with me . I make all the phone calls , I send lovely gifts . And today , my child's birthday I hear from none of them .

    I just needed a vent . Sorry , just my husband is sick of hearing about it all really . Thanks xxx

  2. #2
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    Just step back from them for a while and take a break. Maintaining an unhealthy relationship is not setting a good example for your kids.
    Let them call you. It sounds like a very one sided relationship and they don't respect you. If they were friends, would you tolerate such awful behaviour? Likely not. Just being related gives them no right to be rude to you.
    Just take a breath and decide if it is really in your best interests to keep chasing after them.
    All the best Xx
    Last edited by Cicho; 04-10-2016 at 17:05.

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  4. #3
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    Thank you , just needed to get it off my chest . I think you're right 🌺

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    Cicho  (04-10-2016)

  6. #4
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    Welcome. I have a terrible relationship with my mother. We never liked each other. For my own mental health I am very low contact with her. I don't call her for Mothers Day or Birthdays, and she doesn't call me. And that's fine.
    You need to do what is best for you Xx

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    babynomad  (04-10-2016)

  8. #5
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    Hi there,

    Big I hope you don't mind, but I may come across as a little harsh....I wish someone would have been brave enough to point this out to me earlier, it would have saved me years of heart ache. Here it go's....

    I could have written this thread my self - I can really relate to this behavior. It happens all the time in our family, not just my side, but hubby's too. Our kiddies don't seem to make the cut? Their birthdays have come and gone, and no one, apart from us, give's a toss. They might only come and see the kids if hubby and I invite them for a party. Which involves feeding the masses, waiting on them hand and foot, a lot of obnoxious behavior from them and a lot of stress for me. (they are to lazy to get anything themselves). From this year, we have made some changes. We have decided enough is enough and celebrate our kids birthdays by ourselves. It's up to extended members of both families, to make an effort on their own accord. It's been interesting to see so far that no one has, which proves to us that they couldn't care less. We are sick and tired of always being the ones to foster these one sided relationships, its exhausting, and to never get anything back is heartbreaking.
    We are slowly learning that the only family you can truly rely on is the family you create yourself. Just because you're from the same gene pool, doesn't mean you have to like them. Concentrate on creating happy memories for your own family and forget about those who give you nothing. Believe me, It takes a long time to come to this realization. You will feel so much happier in the long term.. xx

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  10. #6
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    Thanks so much for your reply. It's so hard knowing you're not important in a family , but it's so hard to let go . I want my mum to care about me and I want to be important but I'm let down time and time again . Thanks again xxx

  11. #7
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    I could write a similar post about my brother & SIL.
    We simply dont seem to be important enough for them to bother of their own accord.

    We only see them when my mum arranges it despite my various invitations that mostly go unanswered.

    They also dont send my kids gifts or call them on their birthdays. I do both for their kids cause i figure its not my nieces fault their parents are slack and cant be bothered

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  13. #8
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    Sorry to hear this...it's not nice to feel unimportant in families.

    Have you ever told them that not calling etc on birthdays is upsetting. Some people can be oblivious and need to be reminded of expectations.

    I would not be sending gifts to other family members if you guys get none. Xx

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    babynomad  (04-10-2016)

  15. #9
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    My mum and l don't always see eye to eye. I think my brother is a self absorbed mummy's boy and my mum hassles me to keep making an effort however he didn't even take the time to so much as send me a text for my birthday this year. He wouldn't even know when my kids birthdays are.

    Don't spend energy getting upset, it's not worth it. It took me going to a psychologist to see that l'm worthy and that l'm a good person.

    As long as you make a fuss about your little one's birthday, no one else matters.

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  17. #10
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    I feel this way with DH's family. They constantly 'forget' to invite us to family do's until the last minute, we are the last to know anything. For years, like you, we made all the effort. Until we stopped. Now ironically we get snarky comments from them that they never see us, that the kids are so big *hint hint it's our fault*. We used to just smile and brush it off but now DH calls them on it and says things like "well you know where we live?".

    I would stop investing my time into your family, they don't deserve it and it's just hurting you seeing it. Like Dh's fam, they will probably try to shift blame and guilt onto you guys - don't let them, pass it back to them.

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