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  1. #1
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    Default Help me calm down.. What is an appropriate consequence for this

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    Ds1 6.5 scratched the hell out of ds2s face. The image isn't great because it's cropped but the side of his face looks horrible. It's like he had a fight with a cat.

    Ds2 has his 5th bday party on Sunday. I'm so upset.

    This is a regular occurrence. He just keeps doing it. I don't know how to stop it or make him understand.

    Ds1s currency is iPad. I've said no iPad till Xmas but that's not enough to deter him from doing this again.

    I'm so *** angry. So so angry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Attachment 84783

    Ds1 6.5 scratched the hell out of ds2s face. The image isn't great because it's cropped but the side of his face looks horrible. It's like he had a fight with a cat.

    Ds2 has his 5th bday party on Sunday. I'm so upset.

    This is a regular occurrence. He just keeps doing it. I don't know how to stop it or make him understand.

    Ds1s currency is iPad. I've said no iPad till Xmas but that's not enough to deter him from doing this again.

    I'm so *** angry. So so angry.
    That's awful. I feel so bad for you as I hate it when my kids hurt each other. It breaks my heart for all of them.

    Is there a trigger that causes it? Does something happen first for your DS to do this to his brother?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    That's awful. I feel so bad for you as I hate it when my kids hurt each other. It breaks my heart for all of them.

    Is there a trigger that causes it? Does something happen first for your DS to do this to his brother?
    I have no doubt that they were fighting and that ds2 is as much to blame for the argument (which was about not sharing some balls). But this isn't the 1st time this has happened and ds1 had been told repeatedly not to put his hands on anyone else's body.

    What makes it even worse is that ds1 is actually a super awesome kid, except for the fighting.

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    Hugs..

    I personally think that a ban that long at that age is not helpful in the long run. I am a huge believer in bans. Just at that age til Christmas is forever so its not worth trying i am never going to see it again so be damned i might aswell do it again.

    I would go with a personal consequence. Something he has to for his brother. As a punushment but also a sorry and make it up to his brother. Maybe do he chores for the next 2 weeks etc. Or do 10 nice things for 10 days for his brother.

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    I don't know what consequences to impose, I would be losing my freakin shiz if DS1 did this to DS2 but then I can't imagine him doing it to begin with. They do fight, but not that rough. How heartbreaking for you

    I would focus on preventing it in the future by drilling into him the appropriate ways to deal with anger. I've learned from my DS1s speech therapist that giving a negative directive is not as effective as a positive one - eg "don't hit" is not as effective as "hands down"! So I would focus on discussing what he SHOULD do in various scenarios rather than what he shouldn't do, IYKWIM? It's hard, I know, especially with boys because they can be so rough!

    Get him to talk about his feelings. Eg how do you feel when your brother does x/y/z to you? How do you think it makes him feel when you scratch/hit/hurt him? Etc

    Big hugs. I hope your little one isn't in too much pain x

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    I'd say he misses out on his brothers birthday party if you are having one. He stays in his room or something similar. That's definitely behaviour he needs to know is unacceptable. Feel for you, many hugs your way. I'm tough with mine so mine would have got a smack in the bottom and grounded, however I know that's not how other operate but something of the now that he misses out on would be a better discipline option than something long term that he can't really comprehend. Children at that age don't quite understand time or weeks etc more events etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 1CrazyMoose View Post
    I'd say he misses out on his brothers birthday party if you are having one. He stays in his room or something similar. That's definitely behaviour he needs to know is unacceptable. Feel for you, many hugs your way. I'm tough with mine so mine would have got a smack in the bottom and grounded, however I know that's not how other operate but something of the now that he misses out on would be a better discipline option than something long term that he can't really comprehend. Children at that age don't quite understand time or weeks etc more events etc.
    I'll reply more later but I'm soooo tempted to not allow him to come, but that would be so awfully mean of me and I know that if he's like me, he'd remember it his entire life which I'd hate.
    Even with this though I'm not sure h'd learn anything from it.

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    Yes I was going to suggest missing out on the birthday celebration, if you have the means to make that happen. Particularly since this isn't a one off event.

    However, I do think for the sake of balance then it's worth considering whether your younger boy should also receive a minor consequence if his behaviour warranted it (not sure what you do in response to sibling arguments). I mean, you could definitely argue he received a consequence by being scratched in the face, but there may be other factors at play.

    I feel so sad for you and can completely understand your anger.

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    I don't know what consequences to impose, I would be losing my freakin shiz if DS1 did this to DS2 but then I can't imagine him doing it to begin with. They do fight, but not that rough. How heartbreaking for you

    I would focus on preventing it in the future by drilling into him the appropriate ways to deal with anger. I've learned from my DS1s speech therapist that giving a negative directive is not as effective as a positive one - eg "don't hit" is not as effective as "hands down"! So I would focus on discussing what he SHOULD do in various scenarios rather than what he shouldn't do, IYKWIM? It's hard, I know, especially with boys because they can be so rough!

    Get him to talk about his feelings. Eg how do you feel when your brother does x/y/z to you? How do you think it makes him feel when you scratch/hit/hurt him? Etc

    Big hugs. I hope your little one isn't in too much pain x
    I think I've tried to do that but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I'll have to keep trying.

    I understand that when you want to win you will do so at all costs but this is ridiculous.

    He's currently sitting in his room reading books. No toys or tv for today and he's going to go to church with me tonight, which, considering which priest it's going to be, will be torture for both him and I

    I like the idea of having to do something kind for his brother each day, I just don't know what that would be (other than wiping his butt for him lol).

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    Ps if he doesn't go to the party, I will receive 1million questions from family as to why he isn't there.

    Telling the truth about it would just get all of us in the shiv so I'm not sure it's worth it, although I agree something major has to occur.


 

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