+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    760
    Thanks
    651
    Thanked
    257
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Social anxiety at lunch- advice please

    Going out to lunch with my DH and his work friends plus partners tomorrow. I haven't met any of them. Im so, so anxious about this.

    Just wondering how do people cope with these kind of things? I'm trying to challenge my thoughts but it's been a long time since I've been out at all. I'm so anxious.

    So, I might have a glass of wine before I go but I don't want to be tipsy. Alcohol will be provided there by the company. I might not have a glass of wine before I go but I don't want to be too nervous. I might not drink at all but don't want to be the only one. Nobody will talk to me. Everyone will talk to me but I'm not interesting what will I say. I will talk and look silly. Even worried I might be the only partner there even though I know others are invited.

    Social anxiety sucks. This is a first world problem I know but I'm really getting worked up and might even cancel

    Any tips or words of advice i can give to myself if I do go? I want to go but I don't want to feel like I've made an idiot out of myself iygwim

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2,860
    Thanks
    1,249
    Thanked
    1,444
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    From one social anxiety sufferer to another. Don't cancel! If you recover from the anxiety in the future, you will look back on all these missed memories with regret. I know I do. All the gatherings and phone calls and birthday parties I missed or cancelled, you can't get those times back.

    That said I know how it feels and it can feel insurmountable. I honestly think that facing the situation anyway does actually make the anxiety less in the future. It's a CBT technique and really works. It is helpful to use positive self talk too - you are NOT boring, you are NOT less worthy to talk to than others. Conversation is only 50% up to you at best - you don't have to make anything happen, it's a two way street! And also, other people attending are often anxious in these situations as well. Nobody notices because honestly, and this is perfectly natural, we think about ourselves a lot more than other people.

    Good luck and I really hope you make it along

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to BornToBe For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (30-09-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,261
    Thanks
    1,068
    Thanked
    819
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Don't cancel. I'm sure plenty of his work mates' partners don't know anyone else, and I can guarantee at least one of them will be feeling the same way as you. And, everyone knows in a group you'll have a mix of different personality types. Don't worry about being too quiet. It won't happen, even if you're quiet, people won't think anything of it. Try for the smaller splinter conversations, and if you get stuck, get people talking about themselves and their interests.

    Also, if there is alcohol, there's a good chance that everyone will be chatty. It won't be awkward. You'll find natural moments to join in, or just sit back and watch.

    In terms of worrying about being the only one not drinking - I don't drink. Ever. It makes my stomach burn. You've got a few options - pretend you've got something with spirits (means people won't ask why or keep offering to get you something), say you're on antibiotics and aren't allowed to drink with the meds, or just say you're designated driver and a cheap drunk and would prefer to not be under the influence.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Tiny Dancer For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (30-09-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Sydney NSW
    Posts
    1,830
    Thanks
    597
    Thanked
    593
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi Yadot, i would go, but go prepared! Set some rules with dh if you need to eg: sit next to me, stand next to me. Also have a few topics in mind to talk about. Have an exit plan for the end of lunch. These things might sound silly but sometimes if i am stressed about an event, having a plan and some certainty helps! Ps: have your first wine when you get there.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to littleriv For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (03-10-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    520
    Thanked
    713
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm quite an anxious person, I find in those situations, ask questions, show a real interest in people. Takes the spotlight off you and usually leaves a good impression.

    I had a really awkward situation once, hubbys work colleagues and partners. Hubby's boss knew we were going through IVF... Very loudly and publicly asked me in front of everyone if I was feeling fertile... I ignored him so he just yelled it louder... I got up and went to the loo... I wanted the world to swallow me up. Not sure it could be worse than that!

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Olive Oil For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (03-10-2016)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    6,869
    Thanks
    4,776
    Thanked
    4,210
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I hate these kinds of events too, I always feel stupid, boring, awkward, like whatever I say is stupid/uninteresting and I'm coming across as a stupid oaf.

    I find having a few generic topics of convo up my sleeve helps me feel more prepared....asking people what they do for work/study, have they got any travel coming up/have they been anywhere interesting lately, talk about your kids etc etc.

    I find getting into conversation difficult sometimes when you have no rapport with a person but I'm guessing most others will be in the same boat? just do your best, nobody is expecting you to be sparkling and super interesting. just be friendly and pleasant and you'll just be moving scenery.

    I'd avoid drinking too much as you'll end up looking back the next day wracked with more anxiety wondering if you were too much, said too much, acted over the top etc. I'm like that anyway. I'd rather stay sober and feel in control. order one drink when you get there and just make it last. who cares if others are drinking like fish or sipping Diet Coke. do what makes you feel comfortable.

    good luck with it! please come back and update us after the event and let us know how you go!

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (03-10-2016)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,117
    Thanks
    2,910
    Thanked
    3,332
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree it's good to have a list of topics/questions to talk about. The weather has been crazy lately, that nutjob trump, holidays, families, the food, if you're seated next to another woman see if there's anything interesting (nails/handbag etc) you can use as a topic starter.

    Eat your food slowly so you always have something to do

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (03-10-2016)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    520
    Thanked
    713
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Don't talk politics! Even if trump is the biggest bozo. Or religion!

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Olive Oil For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (01-10-2016)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,090
    Thanks
    1,285
    Thanked
    1,182
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think you should go to the event and when having a conversation with people, ask them lots of questions about themselves/what they do as a starting point. If you have common interests then it may lead to a more comfortable conversation. If not, then at least the focus is on them and they do most of the talking.

    Worst case scenario, have a glass in your hand and take slow sips while sticking to your husband's side and letting him do all the socialising

    He can also introduce you to people and provide an ice breaker so the pressure isn't on you to fill up awkward silences.. Just tell him not to leave you on your own.

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to witherwings For This Useful Post:

    yadot  (01-10-2016)

  18. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked
    13
    Reviews
    0
    Do NOT cancel. Go meet them, ask them things, have fun.


 

Similar Threads

  1. what social media do you use? and how much?
    By BH-KatiesMum in forum General Chat
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 23-03-2016, 12:28
  2. Positive Social Inductions.
    By kezty in forum Induction
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 26-01-2016, 19:50
  3. Social anxiety
    By alliecat89 in forum Anxiety & Panic Disorders
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 19-01-2016, 21:52

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and Broadway
Pregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. Pregnancy back and pelvic pain. Also, we treat postnatal and women of all ages. Incontinence, prolapse, sexual and pelvic pain.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!