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  1. #11
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    How are you going @Molly19 . I've been thinking of you.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to mummymaybe For This Useful Post:

    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  3. #12
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    I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. We went through this exact scenario late last year. We were induced at 22 weeks plus 3 days. We got the diagnosis on a Friday and met with genetics, thought about it over the weekend decided on Monday and were admitted Tuesday morning. I was induced using just oral tablets. Laboured for about 8 hours, but only the last 2 hours were bad labor pains. I had fentanyl through a drip. He was born breech, and still alive. He was unconscious though and looked so very peaceful. He passed quite quickly. Heartfelt came in and took lots of photos and we dressed him in a tiny gown. We had a cold and he roomed in with us over night.whilst his disabilities were obvious and confronting, he looked just like me and the same as any other baby, just tiny and his eyes were still fused closed. What state are you in? Some you will not be required to register the birth in. A year on it still hurts like hell, we suffer so he never had too. It's not much of a choice really. Sending you hugs love and strength. Pm me if you'd like to know about a private online support group specific to medical terminations.

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  5. #13
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    Thank you all again so so much for your support.

    Ella Chloe was born sleeping 18.10.16 'Our love for you will never cease, you'll forever be our missing piece'

    We have been overwhelmed with the amount of support we have received from loved ones and strangers alike.
    IMG_1477474771.986390.jpg

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Molly19 For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (27-10-2016),HollyGolightly81  (26-10-2016),Meld85  (27-10-2016),misho  (27-10-2016)

  7. #14
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    @Molly19 I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Ella is such a beautiful name and look at those beautiful toes.

    You are in my thoughts during this tragic time.

    Held for a moment, loved for a lifetime

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to mummymaybe For This Useful Post:

    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by M'LadyEm View Post
    @Molly19 what a horrible predicament you find yourselves in. I can't even begin to imagine having to much such a big decision, or going through with it for that matter. Some practical insight...
    - You should be linked in as soon as possible with the bereavement midwife at your delivering hospital. They will be able to help you with emotional support as well as practical support both before and after the birth of your little girl.
    - work out with your husband how you want to tell people. ie do you each tell your respective parents and ask them to pass on the news? It might save you having to repeat yourselves endlessly and will give you and your DH the chance to just be together.
    - who do you want to meet your little girl after birth? These are the people I would be talking to personally so that they know you want them to meet their granddaughter, niece etc.
    - at that gestation you will have a vaginal delivery unless there is some contraindication. It is far kinder on you to not have the pain of a caesarean while grieving for your daughter. Some women want to feel the pain of labour, some women want an epidural so they can be pain free as the thought of going through labour pains without a take home baby is too much for them. Either of these options and everything in between is absolutely ok and entirely up to you.
    - ask for the hospital to contact Heartfelt. They are a volunteer service of professional/semi-professional photographers who volunteer their time and skills so you have photographs of your baby when she's born sleeping. They could take photos during the labour if you wanted, or just take some photos of you and your little girl after birth. It's better to have these done as soon as possible after birth as this is the time baby will be in the best possible condition. Their skin is so fragile at that gestation.
    - usually the process of induction happens quite quickly after the termination of the pregnancy, provided you and your DH are ready. I guess no one is ever "ready" but you need to know if you're in the right headspace to get started. The procedure itself (to my basic understanding - we don't do them) is that the baby is injected with potassium chloride to stop her heart. I am not sure if they use other drugs as well but the potassium, I believe, is the most commonly used. As for knocking you out, I do not know the answer to that. I doubt they would reject any request for sedation during the procedure though. If they did they're heartless b@stards.
    - any baby over 20 weeks gestation is legally required to have their birth/death registered. You will also be required to have a funeral. If this is something you don't feel you can do, is there someone who you can delegate this to? Someone to take care of the "practical" details while you and your DH focus on each other and your beautiful baby girl.
    - what sorts of things do you want to do with your baby? Do you want to take her home? Do you want to sit and cuddle her in the sunshine? All of these things are absolutely possible. Please don't feel like you have to stay shut up in your hospital room with your daughter to grieve.
    - hopefully the hospital you're delivering at will have a "cold cot". This is a special cot designed to keep beautiful babies like you cool to help preserve their condition. It will also allow baby to stay in your room with you. Many people don't like the thought of their baby being in a morgue with strangers (I know I hate it, I just want to cuddle these babies so they don't feel alone, which might sound silly to some). Some people can't even bring themselves to see their baby. It all depends on you and what you want.

    As @TheGooch said, be kind to each other and allow yourselves to grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you scream and shout, that's ok. If you sit and cry quietly in your room, that is ok too. Just know that there will be people around you to support you through. Please please make sure you and your DH talk about it, if not together, then to a counsellor. This is a horrible thing to happen to anyone. It is not fair that it is happening to you, sometimes life is just a real @rse.
    Thank you so so much for taking the time to share all of this info with me...I went into hospital at least with 'some' mental preparation for what I was about to face and I found it very reassuring so thank you again x

  10. #16
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    Sorry for your loss Molly. All she knew was love, everyday.

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molly19 View Post
    Thank you so so much for taking the time to share all of this info with me...I went into hospital at least with 'some' mental preparation for what I was about to face and I found it very reassuring so thank you again x
    You are more than welcome. And what a beautiful photo xxx

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  14. #18
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    I am so sorry for the loss of your little Ella. I'm glad you were in contact with Heartfelt, that is a beautiful photo. It truly is a pain like no other so I am glad you have lots of support around you. There is a private chat thread on here for mums who have lost their precious bubs, if you would like to join us I can send you the details.

    Thinking of you and your gorgeous girl x

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  16. #19
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    Default feeling lost-

    I'm so so sorry for your heart breaking loss. I can't imagine the hurt your heart and soul must be going through. your little girl is so beautiful, Ella is such a pretty name.

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)

  18. #20
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    I'm so sorry you're dealing with one of the hardest things anyone can go through. Ella will always be a part of your family. Speak her name often. You will get through this xxx

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    Molly19  (26-10-2016)


 

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