My parenting style is considered very radical... But it wasn't always this way.. I was raised with strict parents and up until around two years ago I started changing my way.. I was an authoritive parent.. It's what I knew.. I realised it wasn't working, too many power struggles, fights etc.. There had to be a better way.. I found out about unschooling and then radical unschooling and punishment-free parenting and we have changed our lives.. Now is it easy? No.. Is it lazy parents? I don't think so..
My kids all hsve different personalities and we are finding what works best, but we do not punish, we do not force. We live as equals and respect one another. Of course my kids still fight sometimes and we deal with things in a respectful manner..
My parents were very strict, but my mother is a harsh narcissist and there is touches of abuse thrown in. As such, I don't speak to them at all anymore. Haven't for years.
I barely ever rebelled, but I lived my entire childhood walking on eggshells. My husband had to knock things like asking to go to the toilet or asking to get food out of the fridge out of me. I still ask to have a shower if he is home. As soon as I had my licence, I would go for drives every afternoon after work and then park and wait around the corner til I knew they were sleeping, before I went home. There is NO WAY I intend to parent anything like them. If my children ever vomited purely for fear of me, I would know I failed.
I am quite strict though. Much stricter than my husband but he jumps to yelling a lot quicker. I have a lot of patience but I am firm. My kids are well behaved and very happy. I am strict with things like manners, and walking nicely next to me in the shops etc. How I approach this is somewhat different between each child.
6yo is a people please. "I'm disappointed in you" gets things done with him.
4yo is autistic. Straight up rewards or removal of rewards works for him.
3yo (my only girl) is my button pushing super defiant one. Rousing on her (not yelling but being very stern) usually works with her.
2yo is just cheeky. He reacts most to a loud "No" to shock him. We have also resorted to a light tap on the hand or nappy for him as he doesn't really respond to anything else. We do try to avoid that though as we don't really like it, so it's only been a handful of times and discussed at length first.
My parents were strict and old fashioned. I had a very long line of things I couldn't do. But they were fair in their parenting. We had definite boundaries and I never rebelled as a teen. They were and still are very present parents. They knew exactly what we were doing in school, who our friends were and attended every important event.
As a young adult I did do some silly things but I have never been embarrassed to tell my folks about it. As an adult I have a really great relationship with my mum and dad and I are still close tho he feels awkward around me sometimes now.
As a parent I'm strict. I make no apologies for it as I set definite boundaries for behaviour and I expect my children to stick to it or accept the consequences.
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