So the other night a friend of mine called and invited me to come to Sydney to go to a very public open air concert. I was excited and said probably yes.
But within minutes I sadly realised I can't possibly go. The reason? I am beyond scared of being caught up in a terrorist attack.
Logically I know all of the things - I'm more likely to die on the way to the airport; the odds are so low; Australia is a safe place; being scared is buying into what the terrorists want etc etc. Rationally I know these reasons are all valid and true.
But the fact is, I *am* scared.
Logically I know it's not in my control. I know that when it's my time it's my time. But I don't want my time to happen when I'm terrified and screaming among other people who are terrified and screaming. I don't want to experience an attack and survive and be scarred forever.
I plan my holidays around which airports/routes I think are 'safer' than others.
I know that I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy this concert. I feel embarrassed by it - I don't want to turn around and say that I've changed my mind and explain why. But I'm going to have to.
So I guess my question is - am I alone here? Does anyone else have this sneaky fear that is totally illogical and irrational but can't be silenced?