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  1. #1
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Default Grieving 4 year old

    My grand MIL died recently and DD has taken it really badly. She was ok until the funeral which was a few weeks ago and now she often cries and says she doesn't want Nanny Claire to die. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to make this easier for her. We are atheists so I don't really want to tell her she's in heaven. I'm not really sure what to tell her to make her feel better. Nanny Claire was 99 and her health was really deteriorating so while it's sad she's gone, she had a wonderful full life and went before she was in too much pain or lost too much quality of life. I've told DD that, but she misses her so much. I just don't know how to make this easier for her.

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    That's so sad for your DD, she sounds like a sweet and sensitive little soul. I'm religious so I don't have any advice on what you could say to make this easier for her but one thing I've seen is a memory bear where you make a little stuffed bear or even a pillow out of a loved ones old clothes. Maybe something tangible like that would help your DD to feel like she still has something to keep and hold on to to remember her Nan. Or maybe a photo album that she could look at whenever she misses her.

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    My DS who is 9 occasionally gets upset with how my pop died. Kiddo never actually met the man and he wishes he did. He knows pop(my dad) is sick and that people die at my work often. He will ask me if anyone has died at least once a week. I tell him the truth and that they are now a star in the sky looking down and smiling at us. Keeps him happy until he finds the right beliefs for him.

    Good luck

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    We're atheists and have always told our kids that after someone dies, they continue to live on in our memories.
    As for helping her through the grief now...I think you just need to let her grieve. When one oc my daughter's was 4 our neighbour's cat died. It was the first 'loss' and she grieved heavily for a good couple of months. I remember not knowing how she would cope if a person died. She coped with grief much better after the first time.

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    I wouldn't focus too much in trying to explain why or how (went before was in too much pain etc) - that just focuses attention on the negative. Try and focus on the positives - Perhaps do up a slide show on the computer of photos of nanny (with a song in the background). Then you could play it every so often and fondly recall loving memories when you do.

    If your child needs an explanation keep it should and sweet - as PP's have mentioned say nanny is in our memories or in the starts looking down etc.

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    She's definitely a sweet loving soul, I'd give her memorial things whenever she misses her nanny.


 

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