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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Yes I am very grateful none of my kids lose teeth before the age of 7. It's still a lot of years to have them but I'm happy those more difficult years for us are with baby teeth.
    My son just lost his first tooth last week at 6 years, 2 months so better than my eldest but he brushes every morning without fail! My daughter is easily side tracked by her toys. My son wants to be ready to walk out the door ASAP so he can have time to watch YouTube

    Still, none of my kids have had fillings *touch woood* My daughter will need braces, though and sometimes I wish I could trade the braces for a filling as it is cheaper

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    My son just lost his first tooth last week at 6 years, 2 months so better than my eldest but he brushes every morning without fail! My daughter is easily side tracked by her toys. My son wants to be ready to walk out the door ASAP so he can have time to watch YouTube

    Still, none of my kids have had fillings *touch woood* My daughter will need braces, though and sometimes I wish I could trade the braces for a filling as it is cheaper
    My eldest is an Olympic champion teeth brusher. She's perfect. 5 fillings and 3 teeth removed. My others not so great. No fillings or teeth removed. I honestly believe sometimes it's luck of the draw.

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  4. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I don't think that's what she's saying. Or at least how I read it.

    It's more that as adults we "know" certain facts namely don't brush your teeth = bad breath and poor teeth = lots of trips to the dentist. How I read that is similar to how I parent. I can't hold a gun to my 11 year olds head and force her to brush her teeth. With 4 kids I need my older kids to make good independent decisions for themselves sometimes. And sometimes they don't and we all live with the consequences. All I can do is keep reminding them that there are better choices.

    My 5 and 3 year olds still do 99% of what I ask when I ask. My older kids have more independence around their decisions around things like personal hygiene, as I can't help 4 kids get ready every morning. My oldest has very curly hair which she won't let me brush. So every now and then she gets dreadlocks which we need to cut out. Lesson learned so she brushes better.

    Maybe we're agreeing with each other but I see what the pp is saying is quite a gentle way of parenting.

    OP your trip to the hairdressers sounds wonderful. I'm going to start planning one with my DD for next year.
    Yes! We don't use force. We treat each other as equals. We don't punish or shame. We don't bribe or use rewards either. We parent with freedom and peace. Is it easy? No. Are we lazy? No. Just a different way. I used to be the opposite. I realised it wasn't working and I slowing changed. I don't let my kids just do whatever they want, we talk often about how we feel, how others can be affected (good and bad) with our actions. Natural consequences, empathy, sympathy, etc. As an adult I don't force my partner to eat all his food, so I don't do that with my kids. My partner doesn't punish me if I don't make my bed, we don't do that with our kids either. We teach about respect. If my 9 year old is rude I say to her "I don't like it when you speak that way, I'm here when you're ready to talk nicely" I don't tske her toys/privlages as I wouldn't want it done to me. We look at why the kids plsy up.
    We let them know when things are inappropriate and try to help them with their emotions instead of making them bad. We role model how we want the kids to be, when we make mistakes we acknowledge this and apologise, when we are grateful we say thanks.i don't believe in forcing kids to say sorry, we role model this when we are and they follow suit..When they make mistakes and don't do the right things we let them know how it affects us/others and let them know we still love them., I really think people need to look up radical unschooling, freedom parenting and peaceful parenting. I'm not a bad mum, I obviously know I hsve very different parenting views to many people on here (and in real life) but everyone has their own path/journey to live.

  5. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    Yes! We don't use force. We treat each other as equals. We don't punish or shame. We don't bribe or use rewards either. We parent with freedom and peace. Is it easy? No. Are we lazy? No. Just a different way. I used to be the opposite. I realised it wasn't working and I slowing changed. I don't let my kids just do whatever they want, we talk often about how we feel, how others can be affected (good and bad) with our actions. Natural consequences, empathy, sympathy, etc. As an adult I don't force my partner to eat all his food, so I don't do that with my kids. My partner doesn't punish me if I don't make my bed, we don't do that with our kids either. We teach about respect. If my 9 year old is rude I say to her "I don't like it when you speak that way, I'm here when you're ready to talk nicely" I don't tske her toys/privlages as I wouldn't want it done to me. We look at why the kids plsy up.
    We let them know when things are inappropriate and try to help them with their emotions instead of making them bad. We role model how we want the kids to be, when we make mistakes we acknowledge this and apologise, when we are grateful we say thanks.i don't believe in forcing kids to say sorry, we role model this when we are and they follow suit..When they make mistakes and don't do the right things we let them know how it affects us/others and let them know we still love them., I really think people need to look up radical unschooling, freedom parenting and peaceful parenting. I'm not a bad mum, I obviously know I hsve very different parenting views to many people on here (and in real life) but everyone has their own path/journey to live.
    I don't unschool (or agree with the philosophy), but I think you're approach to parenting and 'disciplining' is great. It's similar to how we parent, and it takes a lot more work and effort to explain and guide than it does to say 'you'll do it because I told you so.' Sometimes kids learn best from making their own mistakes (within reason).
    Last edited by Full House; 29-09-2016 at 05:46.

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  7. #85
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    Default 13 year old and hair colour question?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    Yes! We don't use force. We treat each other as equals. We don't punish or shame. We don't bribe or use rewards either. We parent with freedom and peace. Is it easy? No. Are we lazy? No. Just a different way. I used to be the opposite. I realised it wasn't working and I slowing changed. I don't let my kids just do whatever they want, we talk often about how we feel, how others can be affected (good and bad) with our actions. Natural consequences, empathy, sympathy, etc. As an adult I don't force my partner to eat all his food, so I don't do that with my kids. My partner doesn't punish me if I don't make my bed, we don't do that with our kids either. We teach about respect. If my 9 year old is rude I say to her "I don't like it when you speak that way, I'm here when you're ready to talk nicely" I don't tske her toys/privlages as I wouldn't want it done to me. We look at why the kids plsy up.
    We let them know when things are inappropriate and try to help them with their emotions instead of making them bad. We role model how we want the kids to be, when we make mistakes we acknowledge this and apologise, when we are grateful we say thanks.i don't believe in forcing kids to say sorry, we role model this when we are and they follow suit..When they make mistakes and don't do the right things we let them know how it affects us/others and let them know we still love them., I really think people need to look up radical unschooling, freedom parenting and peaceful parenting. I'm not a bad mum, I obviously know I hsve very different parenting views to many people on here (and in real life) but everyone has their own path/journey to live.
    So has your partner stopped yelling at the kids all the time now? Because I felt sad when I read that a while ago. I don't yell as a general and neither does my husband. Sure, there are many things we can do better as parents and the same goes for everyone but I reflect every day on my parenting and the only time alarm bells should be ringing is when I stop reflecting because that's when I would've stopped improving/evolving.

    My children are extremely happy and that's all that matters to me. They are allowed to make their own mistakes and they know that's how they learn but they also know we still love them. But it's still ok for them to know they have disappointed someone and learn to deal with how that makes them feel. The other day my eldest daughter did something that she knew would annoy me yet she came to tell me straight away because even though she knows I would've been annoyed, she still felt safe enough to tell me her mistake. And sometimes they just have to do what we say, like eat *some* veges on their plate

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  9. #86
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    To answer the OP, I have a DD almost that age and I'm dreading it Part of me wants her to just be her, to not want to dye her hair or pluck her eye brows bc she felt perfect as she is. We've raised her to accept and love all of herself. But then I also want to give her some say. I grew up in a totalitarism. It was awful. I think the 1/4 head of foils is a wonderful compromise, well done OP.

    As to this whole thing of no punishment and allowing them to do whatever they want. Sorry, but that's ridiculous. Children need guidance, boundaries with their input and predictability. To be clear, I parent in what I consider 'peaceful' ways. I don't smack, my kids co sleep, I don't sleep train. But I do yell sometimes, I own it, bc I'm human. I use time out, I remove privileges now my kids are older. They need to bathe and brush their teeth.

    I'm authoritative. I involve my kids in decision making, I consult, I listen. But DH and I have final say on 90% of things. Bc we are the parents with 80 years of life experience between us. They are expected to do homework.... which I think is a load of crap, but I see beyond that. Sometimes in the workplace you are paid to do tasks that are boring/annoying/you see no point in. We don't need to manipulate our kids to 'choose' to do things we actually want them to do under the guise of autonomy. We are transparent some things are non negotiable. That's life isn't it? I sure would like for DH not to have to go into work early today as I'm sick as is DS2. I wish I didn't have to clean the house or have the cost of registering 2 cars. But we don't live in our own bubble. Kids need to know that unfortunately life is full of doing things you don't feel like.
    Last edited by delirium; 29-09-2016 at 07:23.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    My eldest is an Olympic champion teeth brusher. She's perfect. 5 fillings and 3 teeth removed. My others not so great. No fillings or teeth removed. I honestly believe sometimes it's luck of the draw.
    I agree, I've only ever brushed before bed and at 41 have one tiny filling. In fact, for a few years in my early teens our wacko dad insisted we brush with powdered milk instead of toothpaste - so I was pretty much coating my mouth with sugar every night - yet still much better teeth than most.

    Edit to add that my siblings have many more fillings, have had to have teeth pulled etc.
    Last edited by Stretched; 29-09-2016 at 07:43.

  11. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I don't unschool (or agree with the philosophy), but I think you're approach to parenting and 'disciplining' is great. It's similar to how we parent, and it takes a lot more work and effort to explain and guide than it does to say 'you'll do it because I told you so.' Sometimes kids learn best from making their own mistakes (within reason).
    There is a big space in between laissez-faire parenting and 'bc I told you so' authoritarian parenting, which is authoritative. We consult, discuss. We teach and model empathy and natural consequences as well. When they are sent to time out it's to think about their behaviour, not directly as a punishment (although I guess it is). We then spend time when everyone has calmed to talk about what we could have done better, how we felt.

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    Default 13 year old and hair colour question?

    When my DD was 13 she desperately wanted foils because her best friend got them . 2 weeks later she decided she hated them but I said tough they cost a lot of money.

    I think it's part of being a teenager and fitting in.

    She's now 19 and we still talk about the foil disaster lol.
    Last edited by Louise41; 29-09-2016 at 08:05.

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  14. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    There is a big space in between laissez-faire parenting and 'bc I told you so' authoritarian parenting, which is authoritative. We consult, discuss. We teach and model empathy and natural consequences as well. When they are sent to time out it's to think about their behaviour, not directly as a punishment (although I guess it is). We then spend time when everyone has calmed to talk about what we could have done better, how we felt.
    I'm not questioning anyone's parenting styles, I was just posting in support for the pp, who has unnecessarily become the focus of this thread. I don't let my children make all the decisions for themselves, and I do punish them...just recently one of my kids lost all electronics for a month because they lied and said their room was clean so they could watch tv, when the room wasn't clean. It was the third incident where the same thing occurred. However, when one of my daughter's hated getting her hair brushed and pulled back, she had a short bob (for 6 years), because I wasn't going to force her to brush her hair when she hated it so much (she did brush her short bob...but it didn't hurt cause there weren't many knots).


 

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