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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anjalee View Post
    Exactly. My 7 year old knows she needs to brush her hair, and that she will get bad knots which are hard to get out, would result in needing to be cut out etc. Yet everyday I have to tell her that her hair needs to be brushed... and everyday she complains. If I left her to her own devices, even knowing the outcome, she'd probably chose to still not brush it.
    My 11 yo is like this. I'm not going to have a daughter walk around like she has a rats nest in her hair.

  2. #72
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    To answer the questions about teeth brushing and showering...

    1. With the teeth brushing I would talk and listen to my child. I would try and see from their point of view and offer and help/guidance etc. If it was because they didn't like the taste of toothpaste or thought it was bad, we would look into a milder one. I would let them choose one they did want. I would suggest doing without the toothpaste and just use a tooth brush instead. I would talk to them about hygiene and how they'll hsve bad breath and that people will find it offensive. I would let them know if they didn't brush their teeth we would hsve to pay thousands to hsve them fixed if they did get really bad and that money could have been used for other things we want/need as a family like a nice holiday or put towards a car for when they're older. I would role model ( I do anyway) and set a good example and brush my teeth often (every day) with my children. I would possibly get a dentist to talk to them about how not brushing teeth can affect the gums and your overall health (gum problems can lead to heart problems). I would talk to them about what it's like at the dentist (not scaring them, just letting them know what happens)..

    2. The showering and not brushing hair.. This does happen here. My kids do not shower every day unless they want to. During Summer they tend to shower more often to cool themselves down, plus we have the baby pool and we put soap and bubbles in there too. I don't believe kids need to bathe or shower every day. I don't. If they're dirty there are flannels and buckets they can use to wash themselves. If they do get smelly I would talk to them in private without shaming them and let them know. I would tell them if they don't wash properly or more often (though not every day) it can be offensive to others. I would talk to them about hygeine (or lack of) and the effects it has not only on them but other people. I hsve a dayghter who will be 12 next week and is going through puberty. No doubt she'll be getting her period within the next year or so ( night eveh be this year) and we hsve already spoken to her about cleanliness and hygeine when it comes to this as well as BO. The hair brushing...well my two daughters (almost 12 and 9) often get knots. The 9 year old hates getting her hair brushed. I let her choose a brush and detangle spray. I help her brush it in the shower ( she likes the company and it's less painful), I explain what would happen without regular brushing/combing.. There was a time her hair was almost in dreadlocks actuslly. I bought my girls a hair style book too which they often read and do different hair styles. We often make hair masks ourselves and use these. My 9 year old for the past two weeks has really been trying hard to take care of her hair so we encourage that and compliment her on it.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    To answer the questions about teeth brushing and showering...

    1. With the teeth brushing I would talk and listen to my child. I would try and see from their point of view and offer and help/guidance etc. If it was because they didn't like the taste of toothpaste or thought it was bad, we would look into a milder one. I would let them choose one they did want. I would suggest doing without the toothpaste and just use a tooth brush instead. I would talk to them about hygiene and how they'll hsve bad breath and that people will find it offensive. I would let them know if they didn't brush their teeth we would hsve to pay thousands to hsve them fixed if they did get really bad and that money could have been used for other things we want/need as a family like a nice holiday or put towards a car for when they're older. I would role model ( I do anyway) and set a good example and brush my teeth often (every day) with my children. I would possibly get a dentist to talk to them about how not brushing teeth can affect the gums and your overall health (gum problems can lead to heart problems). I would talk to them about what it's like at the dentist (not scaring them, just letting them know what happens)..

    2. The showering and not brushing hair.. This does happen here. My kids do not shower every day unless they want to. During Summer they tend to shower more often to cool themselves down, plus we have the baby pool and we put soap and bubbles in there too. I don't believe kids need to bathe or shower every day. I don't. If they're dirty there are flannels and buckets they can use to wash themselves. If they do get smelly I would talk to them in private without shaming them and let them know. I would tell them if they don't wash properly or more often (though not every day) it can be offensive to others. I would talk to them about hygeine (or lack of) and the effects it has not only on them but other people. I hsve a dayghter who will be 12 next week and is going through puberty. No doubt she'll be getting her period within the next year or so ( night eveh be this year) and we hsve already spoken to her about cleanliness and hygeine when it comes to this as well as BO. The hair brushing...well my two daughters (almost 12 and 9) often get knots. The 9 year old hates getting her hair brushed. I let her choose a brush and detangle spray. I help her brush it in the shower ( she likes the company and it's less painful), I explain what would happen without regular brushing/combing.. There was a time her hair was almost in dreadlocks actuslly. I bought my girls a hair style book too which they often read and do different hair styles. We often make hair masks ourselves and use these. My 9 year old for the past two weeks has really been trying hard to take care of her hair so we encourage that and compliment her on it.
    Our daughters sound very close in age. My eldest is 12 at the end of November and my dd2 is 9. We clearly have different styles in parenting and although l don't agree with your way, that's ok.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Our daughters sound very close in age. My eldest is 12 at the end of November and my dd2 is 9. We clearly have different styles in parenting and although l don't agree with your way, that's ok.
    Thank you

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Unschooling4 For This Useful Post:

    Marchbundle  (28-09-2016)

  6. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I've made an appointment for Friday we are both going together. Spoke to the hairdresser and he said he can put a few foils randomly and give her a nice cut/treatment. More like a quarter head of foils, just to make her feel special. He was very understanding. She is happy with that so yay.
    I hope you and your DD have a lovely time! I look back at my night with DD at the hairdresser fondly as does DD and even my hairdresser still talks about it!

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    Marchbundle  (28-09-2016)

  8. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I've made an appointment for Friday we are both going together. Spoke to the hairdresser and he said he can put a few foils randomly and give her a nice cut/treatment. More like a quarter head of foils, just to make her feel special. He was very understanding. She is happy with that so yay.
    How fabulous! Hope you have a wonderful time. My mum was always cranky when l was a teenager and never did stuff like this with me so l can't wait to do things like this with my girls.

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  10. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    To answer the questions about teeth brushing and showering...

    1. With the teeth brushing I would talk and listen to my child. I would try and see from their point of view and offer and help/guidance etc. If it was because they didn't like the taste of toothpaste or thought it was bad, we would look into a milder one. I would let them choose one they did want. I would suggest doing without the toothpaste and just use a tooth brush instead. I would talk to them about hygiene and how they'll hsve bad breath and that people will find it offensive. I would let them know if they didn't brush their teeth we would hsve to pay thousands to hsve them fixed if they did get really bad and that money could have been used for other things we want/need as a family like a nice holiday or put towards a car for when they're older. I would role model ( I do anyway) and set a good example and brush my teeth often (every day) with my children. I would possibly get a dentist to talk to them about how not brushing teeth can affect the gums and your overall health (gum problems can lead to heart problems). I would talk to them about what it's like at the dentist (not scaring them, just letting them know what happens)..

    2. The showering and not brushing hair.. This does happen here. My kids do not shower every day unless they want to. During Summer they tend to shower more often to cool themselves down, plus we have the baby pool and we put soap and bubbles in there too. I don't believe kids need to bathe or shower every day. I don't. If they're dirty there are flannels and buckets they can use to wash themselves. If they do get smelly I would talk to them in private without shaming them and let them know. I would tell them if they don't wash properly or more often (though not every day) it can be offensive to others. I would talk to them about hygeine (or lack of) and the effects it has not only on them but other people. I hsve a dayghter who will be 12 next week and is going through puberty. No doubt she'll be getting her period within the next year or so ( night eveh be this year) and we hsve already spoken to her about cleanliness and hygeine when it comes to this as well as BO. The hair brushing...well my two daughters (almost 12 and 9) often get knots. The 9 year old hates getting her hair brushed. I let her choose a brush and detangle spray. I help her brush it in the shower ( she likes the company and it's less painful), I explain what would happen without regular brushing/combing.. There was a time her hair was almost in dreadlocks actuslly. I bought my girls a hair style book too which they often read and do different hair styles. We often make hair masks ourselves and use these. My 9 year old for the past two weeks has really been trying hard to take care of her hair so we encourage that and compliment her on it.
    Sounds like you don't so much let you kids do whatever they want, rather you try a lot of different things to subtly get them to do what you think they should do?

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    Alicia111  (29-09-2016),delirium  (29-09-2016)

  12. #78
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    Default 13 year old and hair colour question?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Sounds like you don't so much let you kids do whatever they want, rather you try a lot of different things to subtly get them to do what you think they should do?
    I don't think that's what she's saying. Or at least how I read it.

    It's more that as adults we "know" certain facts namely don't brush your teeth = bad breath and poor teeth = lots of trips to the dentist. How I read that is similar to how I parent. I can't hold a gun to my 11 year olds head and force her to brush her teeth. With 4 kids I need my older kids to make good independent decisions for themselves sometimes. And sometimes they don't and we all live with the consequences. All I can do is keep reminding them that there are better choices.

    My 5 and 3 year olds still do 99% of what I ask when I ask. My older kids have more independence around their decisions around things like personal hygiene, as I can't help 4 kids get ready every morning. My oldest has very curly hair which she won't let me brush. So every now and then she gets dreadlocks which we need to cut out. Lesson learned so she brushes better.

    Maybe we're agreeing with each other but I see what the pp is saying is quite a gentle way of parenting.

    OP your trip to the hairdressers sounds wonderful. I'm going to start planning one with my DD for next year.
    Last edited by Sonja; 28-09-2016 at 23:13.

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  14. #79
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    I wouldn't have a problem with my child at 13 years of age wanting foils. I remember getting a perm at a younger age than that. LOL!

    But sometimes my kids have to know that if I say something, I mean it. They have to do it. And if they don't do it, I will probably be disappointed/annoyed but that's ok. We need to learn how to deal with our emotions, even when we've annoyed someone or disappointed them. My daughter got her first baby teeth at 3.5 months and then she got her first adult teeth at 4.5 years of age. That's very early so brushing teeth is not negotiable and I tell my daughter that. I still brush my children's teeth at night. This is recommended by my dentist for their ages. They brush their own teeth in the morning. Sometimes she does not brush her teeth in the mornings, even if I tell her to go and brush her teeth and it annoys me because they're the only teeth she will have for the rest of her life.

  15. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I wouldn't have a problem with my child at 13 years of age wanting foils. I remember getting a perm at a younger age than that. LOL!

    But sometimes my kids have to know that if I say something, I mean it. They have to do it. And if they don't do it, I will probably be disappointed/annoyed but that's ok. We need to learn how to deal with our emotions, even when we've annoyed someone or disappointed them. My daughter got her first baby teeth at 3.5 months and then she got her first adult teeth at 4.5 years of age. That's very early so brushing teeth is not negotiable and I tell my daughter that. I still brush my children's teeth at night. This is recommended by my dentist for their ages. They brush their own teeth in the morning. Sometimes she does not brush her teeth in the mornings, even if I tell her to go and brush her teeth and it annoys me because they're the only teeth she will have for the rest of her life.
    Yes I am very grateful none of my kids lose teeth before the age of 7. It's still a lot of years to have them but I'm happy those more difficult years for us are with baby teeth.


 

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