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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    My DD13 sounds identical to yours..looks much older, same hair color and all...
    My DD asked if she could get a few lightening foils in her hair for her 13h bday. ..she feels her hair is a bit dull and mousey. She wants something subtle.. She has used the lightening shampoos before but it's not good for her hair...
    I ended up saying she could do it for her 13th bday...which was in August, she hasn't got around to organising it yet and in summer her hair usually lightens anyway.
    I sort of think parenting a teenager is all about compromise. Allowing some things, but staying firm on others. For me allowing a few subtle natural foils at the hairdresser was better than her going out and dying her whole head with a supermarket dye!! Or getting a piercing...or a tattoo...or any other scary thing!
    This is how I sort of look at it. It's about compromise but I find that I'm just saying no to everything. She really is a great kid and she will chat to me about how she feels, what her friends are doing, showing me stuff on social media etc. I don't want her to think she needs to go behind my back because I always say no. Honestly I'm not even comfortable to let her go to the shopping centre with just her friends but I had to let go and put rules around how we can agree for her to go e.g pick her up, drop off, time limit, can't leave the centre etc.
    It's so hard!
    I let the nails thing slide for now since she seems to just want the process of getting them done rather then the outcome. She did settle on very subtle nails... But then this is just the beginning.
    I might see if she will settle for a hair cut and treatment.
    Then I feel so bad for her because she has terrible acne and I know she is doing little things to make herself feel better. I don't want to take that away from her.
    Arhhhhhhh... This teenage thing is hard stuff!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    What are you afraid of? It's her body/hair so her choice.
    Yes you are right it is her body however at 13 years old teenagers don't always make the best decisions. I feel as a parent its my job to lead her in the right direction and parent her.
    Sometimes I don't know what to do, or question whether I am doing the right thing. I find having a teenage girl who is exposed to so much via technology and growing up in a completely different world then I grew up in, I find that difficult.
    My mother never cared what I did with my hair or body because it was "my choice". It didn't end well for me for many years. I hope not to make the same mistake.

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  4. #13
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    I can only answer with what I'd do. I would tell her I'm ok with the hair, as long as it's done at a salon and if she does it at home/at a friends then all bets are off. Home packs are crap and never come out how you want them to. I did it as a 12 yo and my poor mum spent a fortune getting my hair fixed after I ruined it trying to colour it at a friends house.

    With the nails, can you maybe suggest that you're ok with her getting them done as a treat, but do shellac or something less damaging? I get it, my daughter is much younger than yours and she loves getting them done. It's a fun experience and you feel "grown up" (my DDs words haha).

    I'm dreading the teenage years you sound like you're doing an amazing job!

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shoopuf View Post
    What about a compromise of an all over semi permanent in just one shade lighter than her natural colour? It wouldn't need as much upkeep as foils (which can be really noticeable as they grow out), and also might be gentler on her hair? I don't think it would really change the colour that much, but maybe just give her a bit more shine etc to make her feel 'summery'?

    I'm not a hairdresser so I don't know, but I think most times foils are done with bleach, which personally I wouldn't want my child to start using at 13 (because of how wrecked my hair has been after attempts to go lighter with foils).

    Good luck, it's a hard one!
    If the colour doesn't contain ammonia or peroxide (eg. LIVE colours) then applying a lighter colour does pretty much nothing, if anything the final effect may be a touch darker.

    Foils generally grow out softer than a whole head colour change.

    My mum did foils in my dark blonde hair just before I started high school. I didn't like it as my hair throws a lot of orange so they came out really brassy compared to when my mum would do hers. So I couldn't wait for them to grow out. Then my friends and I experimented with the Live wash out colours and all of us with lighter hair ended up with orange/pink stained hair. I also looked a lot older but I don't think colouring my hair added to that.

    If you don't know a lot (and I mean a LOT!) about hair colouring then I would agree with PP who said take her to a hairdresser rather than letting her botch up her hair with a home packet job.

    I think 13 is fine for foils on a girl or boy. Full head colour change I think a bit older as the dye actually contacts the whole scalp. Another factor is how fast their hair grows. I have super fast growing hair so Ive been nearly every colour of the rainbow, long, short, etc. I'd personally be more freaked out about acrylics as they take way more upkeep than foil highlights.

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  8. #15
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    I don't have a daughter (nor a teenager) however I remember what I was like as a teen. If my mum said no, I would have either tried some sort of DIY lightening method (I remember using Sun-In when I was about 14), or getting a friend to help me lighten - both could end in poor results/damage!

    Here's a thought - perhaps consider letting her get some highlights, but underneath instead of right on top where the regrowth is obvious. That way her hair will still have some lightness, but it's more subtle and totally low maintenance.

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  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    If the colour doesn't contain ammonia or peroxide (eg. LIVE colours) then applying a lighter colour does pretty much nothing, if anything the final effect may be a touch darker.

    Foils generally grow out softer than a whole head colour change.

    My mum did foils in my dark blonde hair just before I started high school. I didn't like it as my hair throws a lot of orange so they came out really brassy compared to when my mum would do hers. So I couldn't wait for them to grow out. Then my friends and I experimented with the Live wash out colours and all of us with lighter hair ended up with orange/pink stained hair. I also looked a lot older but I don't think colouring my hair added to that.

    If you don't know a lot (and I mean a LOT!) about hair colouring then I would agree with PP who said take her to a hairdresser rather than letting her botch up her hair with a home packet job.

    I think 13 is fine for foils on a girl or boy. Full head colour change I think a bit older as the dye actually contacts the whole scalp. Another factor is how fast their hair grows. I have super fast growing hair so Ive been nearly every colour of the rainbow, long, short, etc. I'd personally be more freaked out about acrylics as they take way more upkeep than foil highlights.
    Just to be clear, I definitely didn't mean a packet job!

    It was just a suggestion

  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    What are you afraid of? It's her body/hair so her choice.
    I agree with her body/her choice but I also believe in guiding children/young teens to make good decisions.

    Kids can't always make informed decisions, it's our job as parents to help them do that.

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  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shoopuf View Post
    Just to be clear, I definitely didn't mean a packet job!

    It was just a suggestion
    No, I didn't think you meant a packet job. Just clarifying on how the different types of colourants work. I don't think a hairdresser semi would be good anyhow as it would still lighten all the hair slightly (they will actually do a demi-permanent if you want a lighter colour) and result in the dreaded straight-line regrowth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    Yes you are right it is her body however at 13 years old teenagers don't always make the best decisions. I feel as a parent its my job to lead her in the right direction and parent her.
    Sometimes I don't know what to do, or question whether I am doing the right thing. I find having a teenage girl who is exposed to so much via technology and growing up in a completely different world then I grew up in, I find that difficult.
    My mother never cared what I did with my hair or body because it was "my choice". It didn't end well for me for many years. I hope not to make the same mistake.
    Well it's her "mistake" to make isn't it. We all don't always make the right decisions in life. Yes as parents we guide our children but we need to understand that our kids and teens won't always do the right thing or make the right choice and that's ok. As parents we are here to talk. Not judge. I'm pretty radical with my parenting though. Mistakes are part of growing and learning. I let my kids make their own decisions in life. I wasn't aleays this way, but I have learnt to let go. Doesn't mean I'm lazy or I don't care. I often talk with my kids about different things, about the pros and cons, empathy, outcomes, etc etc. I don't punish or judge. My kids make their own decisions with education (we unschool but if they did want to go back to school I wouldn't stop them), chores, what they eat. They learn to self regulate. Do I agree with everything they do? No. But it's not my life. It's theirs. And no. My kids aren't running amok eating junk food all day.


    Anyway sorry to hijack.. I'm just saying so many people are too scared to let their kids/teens make their own decisions and need to stand back. Educate them, walk ti them about your concerns etc but at the end of the day let them make their own choices.

  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    No, I didn't think you meant a packet job. Just clarifying on how the different types of colourants work. I don't think a hairdresser semi would be good anyhow as it would still lighten all the hair slightly (they will actually do a demi-permanent if you want a lighter colour) and result in the dreaded straight-line regrowth.
    Thanks for clarifying! All these years that my hairdresser has said 'Demi-permanent' and I thought she had a speech impediment!!! Omg I feel so stupid Learn something new every day, hey?


 

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