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  1. #1
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    Default should anything be said to the sister of an extreme abuser

    ahould anything be said to the sister of an extreme abuser.
    re a very dangerous abusive past situation.the abuser like many abusers has gained friends and support over the years by deliberately creating lies to turn naive people against the victim and gain their friendship and support. nothing was ever said over the years to his family despite the victim being friends with his family before meeting and marrying the brother and they knew what an upright person she was, and this has never changed but their view was time and again muddied of the truth by the abuser their brother. should anything ever be said to the abusers sister, eg to be careful never to pass on any info about the victim to the brother not good or badand to question whatever he has said over the years about the victim as he says many untrue things deliberately to turn people against the victim and onto his sideand that triats such as con artistry and rage dont dissappear and could be an issue in the future. So care must be taken with these 2 thingswould this help the victim or harm them as people get very angry when victims say anything, they accuse them of just gossiping or worse and it could stir up trouble. so should she just slink away all her life or should she ever say anything that mind put doubt in their mind about the lies that were told about her over the years. they knew she was always sincere, hard working kind before the marriage and during the marriage and that he was lying and rageful. but the truth has been muddied. will anything be gained re good name or protection by saying anything or will it just stir trouble and possibly danger.

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    I have NFI what you are asking? The sentences merge into a bit of a muddle and I am confused. Can you please simplify it a little?

    Who are you in relation to these people? When did this happen? Are they sure they are not already aware of it? Why do you believe you should tell them now?

    Just the basics for now.

  3. #3
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    People will ALWAYS side with family. They will not take the word or gossip of others over their own knowledge of their loved one

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    VicPark  (24-09-2016)

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    Sylvia. If you are thinking of telling the perpetrators sister because it will help the victim then do it. If you want to tell just because the perpetrator is an ******* and you want his family to know about it don't. Tell the cops, not his sister.

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    Has the 'victim' asked you for your help in telling the family? I think you need to be very careful & respect the wishes of whoever the victim is as you going around saying things could potentially make things worse for her.

    It also depends on what type of abuse you are talking about. I'm sure it helps you being there for her to listen but unless she has asked you to talk to his family then I wouldn't. If you are worried for her safety I'd be encouraging her to go to the Police or women's centre for advice & assistance.

    Sorry if I have misunderstood the question asked.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    People will ALWAYS side with family. They will not take the word or gossip of others over their own knowledge of their loved one
    I disagree with this. Some abusers are such great manipulators that they can sell
    ice to eskimos. I have personal experience with this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cicho View Post
    I disagree with this. Some abusers are such great manipulators that they can sell
    ice to eskimos. I have personal experience with this.
    Not sure how that's disagreeing? I agree 100% which is why I don't think anything can be gained from telling the family. They will only see what he wants them to see.

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    HollyGolightly81  (25-09-2016)

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    Ok. I have had decent sleep and re-read.

    It seems like the abuse is in the past - so the victim is now not in the situation. If so, as much as you may want to go and tell people (the sister) how horrible this man is and what he has done (despite it being the truth) unfortunately that will not do anything - and may backfire for you. Abusers are great at manipulation. They even manipulate family. As @Wise Enough has said - the family will always back him. So in this instance just leave it be.

    If the victim is still in the relationship then do not say anything either. This may make it worse for the victim. Be there to support the victim. You can help them get ready to leave (if they are ready).

    If you tell a sister in this situation they will go straight to the brother which will make it worse for her. Good luck.

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    HollyGolightly81  (25-09-2016),VicPark  (25-09-2016)

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    thank youTWINKLIFY, WISEENOUGH, CICHO, ROCKY, VIC PARK, HOLLYGOLIGHTLYCHAMELOM MOKEY BEAR HARVS VICPARK, for your relevant, kind, wise, helpful, comments. that was very relevant respectful wise and helpful just like forums are meant to be.
    Thank you also for saying something when you see those who enjoy showing why type of people they are by posting bullying, demeaning, posts, instead of knowing how to be respectful and if you dont have something nice, relevant respectful and helpful to say then dont say anything.

    Some show they dont know that forums are meant to be places for people to help others with relevant, respectful, experience, in the question asked. I tend to report them and i know there are people who keep tabs on these bullies and can report them to ACA to find out who they are and why they feel the need to bully, demean, disrespect others in the supposed annonymity of online. Aca has chased up and exposed such online bullies before.

    Its true sometimes i need to go back and see how to post in a clearer and shorter way. but there are respectful ways to say that.

    People show the type of people they are by how they post, wise and respectful or bullying. Those who are not respectful ruin it for everyone and i tend to ignore and report them.

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by sylvia1111 View Post
    I tend to report them and i know there are people who keep tabs on these bullies and can report them to ACA to find out who they are and why they feel the need to bully, demean, disrespect others in the supposed annonymity of online. Aca has chased up and exposed such online bullies before.
    People also show who they are by threatening to contact ACA... What, as in A Current Affair?? 🙄

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    Full House  (25-09-2016)


 

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