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  1. #21
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    We do Kris Kringle at Xmas too - for the adults only. The kids all still get presents from everyone.
    We started off just adults.

    Last year we did kids too and they loved it as they got big things they wouldn't have ordinarily gotten. My family is Jewish so Santa doesn't bring those kind of things (except for my little guy because I love Christmas!)

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    Oh I enjoy buying presents. I love it. If money grew on trees I would quite happily buy generous gifts for everyone I knew without any real reason. I get more joy out of giving than receiving.

    What I get annoyed at is that it's become an expectation in our family. People put in their 'orders' for eg. Mil made comment 'oh for my birthday this year I want X perfume just so you all know'. It's no longer feeling like gift giving as it's just a money collection for something the person could be buying themselves.

    So every few weeks I get a text from a sibling/parent saying 'oh I am buying X's present this week if you all want to contribute this is what he/she wants'.

    Just dishing out $$$ all the time doesn't feel like gift giving to me. It's become an expense we've had to dedicate a significant portion of our household budget to. It pretty much comes after mortgage, food and daycare in terms of $ per month.

    I'd much rather just buy a card, deliver a lovely cake or take them out to lunch. Do something meaningful rather than transferring $ like I am paying a bill...
    Totally understandable, that would take the fun out of it for me too!

    I must admit I have often thought I'd prefer to buy someone a gift just when I saw something really perfect for them and I wanted to buy it, not "now I must think of something to get for X amount of $ because it's their birthday".

    Upon reading your reply, it's made me wonder whether, now that money will be tighter for us, it would be nice to suggest doing a special dinner for people's birthdays or something. Maybe everyone pitching in and making their favourite food and dessert while they get to sit back and enjoy it all, would be a good idea for the adults in the family. I'd only have to convince my mum though....she's one of the "here's ideas for mine and Dads birthdays so you can choose something from the list" and my brother is a bit the same... Hmm

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  6. #24
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    I had a chat to DH and we are on the same page so we might bring it up with the family next time we are all together (half live interstate).

    We might suggest stopping the siblings gifts (we still want to buy for the oldies, and I think that's fair enough, they're retired and we usually try to do 'experience' gifts rather than material). Instead we can send cards and a small personal gift 'if' we really want to but stop with the large multi-contribute gifts because it's so impersonal.

    The only problem I can see is one SIL doesn't have kids yet so she might feel left out - we will still kids gifts, so in a way she is missing out because she doesn't have kids of her own but still buys gifts for everyone else's children. So maybe we should wait until she has a child before suggesting this...? She is trying...

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    we stopped presents a few years ago. a card for siblings and now parents on bdays. Xmas is a Kris Kringle amongst the adults. kids we've agreed to buy presents to the value of $100 per kid.

    I think BIL suggesting a gift is a bit over the top. at 70 surely the best gift you can get is being surrounded by family and on an amazing vacay? what on earth does he need at age 70?
    I told DH he can deal with it, as it's his dad. He isn't overly happy about it either, I think it was BILs suggestion as it's a milestone bday and he wants to get him something special - which is fine, but why have everyone contribute when we are all already forking out for the holiday! All FIL wanted was for family to be together, he wouldn't be expecting a gift as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    If it's family and they are doing a combined gift, Would they be ok with you contributing a smaller amount, especially given the expensive holiday away?

    In my family, we are not huge on gifts. And if someone was to do a combined present, the contribution doesn't always have to be equal. For example, my sister makes significantly less money than my brother and I, so if we go in together to buy a gift for one of the members of the family, she either puts in less or we agree to buy something that's more affordable for her.

    All of my extended family is actually overseas so they don't get gifts from me, but I have a brother and sister and my parents. My dad never wants anything, and he's very well off anyway so feels personally offended if I ever suggest buying him anything. My mum is a bit more sensitive but would be happy with flowers and a card.. My brother doesn't want gifts either, he would prefer I made a donation to a cause he supports or just go to dinner with him. My sister is much the same, but sometimes I'll buy her something.

    DH gets nothing for his bday haha his present usually is me allowing him to do something or spend money on something that he feels is excessive - like this year he went on a shopping spree on his own. But as he never buys himself clothes, it didn't even seem like a present to me. I also told him he could spend the weekend of his birthday at a poker tournament (he's very into poker tournaments).

    DH's mother and grandparents are a bit different though. They expect a present, and a good one at that. MIL is turning 60 next year and DH wants to buy her a car. Not joking
    Omg a car. You have a harder one than me! We bought MIL a Thermomix as a combined present a few years ago, that was extreme but she really wanted one and couldn't afford one so we all chipped in. I was ok with that, it was a surprise gift and not even a birthday gift. She looks after our DS1 one day a week so we figured it was worth more than that in daycare fees saved.

    Re contributing less, we have done that on occasion but we feel bad. It doesn't feel nice to be giving less than everyone else and simply contributing $ each time takes the joy of giving away, IMO.

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    It's hard when not all siblings have kids. It was suggested to do Kris Kringle for the adults when we were 2 years into IVF. I got really upset at the time, feeling like I was getting left out for not having children. Now everyone in my family has kids so we're doing it for the first time this year (kids get present from everybody) - will see how it goes!
    My family, not big on presents. I buy my nieces/nephews a gift (maybe $30) but not anyone else. Mum & dad would just prefer we come for dinner & bring a nice bottle of wine to share. I might send my sister or brother a card with a scratchie in it if I'm feeling organised.
    DH's family is massive on gifts. We buy birthday gifts + Xmas gifts for everybody, but none of them have kids yet so I'll be interested to see how it evolves over the next few years.
    Once there are lots of children in the family you have to draw the line somewhere otherwise you'll go broke!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    The only problem I can see is one SIL doesn't have kids yet so she might feel left out - we will still kids gifts, so in a way she is missing out because she doesn't have kids of her own but still buys gifts for everyone else's children. So maybe we should wait until she has a child before suggesting this...? She is trying...
    This was one of my thoughts too... My brother and SIL don't have kids and won't be having any at all, so they might feel like they're missing out a bit. I'm hoping if I suggested something now it wouldn't look like I'm saying "we're about to have a baby, so buy them stuff, but we don't want to buy you stuff anymore <cringe>

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    I love gift giving when I go and find stuff I know they will like but I don't like being given a list and told that we need to buy off it kinda defeats the purpose of gift giving. Christmas last year we had bought her children their gifts and was told to take it back and get something else. Then got in trouble for buying the kids a bigger joint present for them that they could both play with and have fun together with. We bought her present off her 'list' and I put thought into her hubbies present and got something personal for him he'd use. Hubby got his present and I got a $10bottle of wine... I'd much rather just go out for a nice meal and have a good feed and some drinks. But I get annoyed at double standards.

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    DH and I buy for our own families (mainly the kids) if we want with max $50 pp. DH often forgets about his own family as he lives so far away and doesnt have much to do with them, but I have always given $20- $50 per niece/nephew and only buy my mums birthday/christmas/mothers day present. My sisters get a card and lotto ticket and my kids and DH obviously get gifts from me. But as far as extended family goes - nope, nothing.

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