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  1. #11
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    Default Extended family gifts - where to draw the line?

    My family is big on presents and birthday dinners so we get them for parents and siblings and partners but DH side only do kids do I suppose we save $ on his side! But DS buys birthday gifts for DH parents ( his grandparents) as he buys for mine so I didn't think it was fair! I still love getting presents - it's not just for kids!

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  3. #12
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    My siblings and I have always had a mutual agreement that we don't buy gifts for eachother, but we do buy for the kids.
    We never buy extravagant gifts for our parents, but occasionally we chuck in for a combined present. There's no expectation of how much each couple will put in.

    We used to buy for my BILs, but one year we couldn't really afford it and we asked if they would be happy to not exchange gifts. It's stuck and we no longer buy eachother presents, which is good because they're really hard to buy for.
    We buy presents for Dh's parents.

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  5. #13
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    I love presents! My sister and I still give each other birthday presents. And we make a fuss of dad on his birthday. I make a fuss for DH and DS. I don't think DH's family are big on birthdays and gift giving. Which is fine if that's their thing

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  7. #14
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    My family is massive so we try to just do gifts for the kids and adults on special occasions, or a joint present. We always do birthday dinners etc. I buy my mum and dad presents though.

    At Xmas we have 10 adults and 10 kids so we do kris kringle where every adult gets 1 kid and 1 adult and they get them a decent gift. It works better for us than the kids getting 10 cheap gifts that break or get lost quickly.

    DPs family aren't big on gifts so we just buy for the kids (there's only 2, soon to be 3).

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  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    @Shoopuf you buy them Mother's Day and Father's Day gifts?! Is this for the parents in Law only, or the BIL and SIL as well?

    Geeeez that would be a lot for me to handle! The money isn't the problem for me, it's just so much work!
    Sorry, I worded that terribly. Parents in law get gifts for Mother's Day and Father's Day, and everyone gets gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

    It's a nightmare to organise them all, especially because I've only met them twice and it always falls to me to organise their gifts (and trust me, it's not worth forgetting )!

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  11. #16
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    That's out of control! We buy birthday and Xmas gifts for nieces and nephews, Xmas gifts (up to $50) for MIL/FIL/mum/dad/our grandparents and I sometimes organise bday and/or mothers'/fathers' day gifts for my own parents. Plus I have one SIL who is firmly in the gift giving camp and buys me bday gifts, so I reciprocate. But that is it - no other gifts! I figure adults are old enough to buy what they want for themselves, and to understand that a phone call is more valuable than a physical gift.

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  13. #17
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    My family have always made a big deal of occasions - we love them, so we buy gifts for both sets of parents, my brother and SIL and DH's brother for birthday and Christmas. We buy mother and Father's Day presents for our parents. And each other for each occasion. As of this year we've had to cut down the amount we spend (we used to spend about $100 on each person for each occasion and a ridiculous amount on each other) because I won't be working soon.

    DH's family are not at all big on occasions, but we buy them presents the same as we do for my family because I just didn't feel comfortable doing it for one side and not the other. DH couldn't believe how many presents were under the tree our first Xmas together, and he loves it now. Funnily enough, my family have always been the ones with not a lot of money and DHs family are quite well off. They're not generous with money though and don't really enjoy 'giving' at any time. I find it really hard to understand because I've just never been that way. Even if we don't / can't spend a lot of money I love the act of finding a present and giving it.

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    Oh I enjoy buying presents. I love it. If money grew on trees I would quite happily buy generous gifts for everyone I knew without any real reason. I get more joy out of giving than receiving.

    What I get annoyed at is that it's become an expectation in our family. People put in their 'orders' for eg. Mil made comment 'oh for my birthday this year I want X perfume just so you all know'. It's no longer feeling like gift giving as it's just a money collection for something the person could be buying themselves.

    So every few weeks I get a text from a sibling/parent saying 'oh I am buying X's present this week if you all want to contribute this is what he/she wants'.

    Just dishing out $$$ all the time doesn't feel like gift giving to me. It's become an expense we've had to dedicate a significant portion of our household budget to. It pretty much comes after mortgage, food and daycare in terms of $ per month.

    I'd much rather just buy a card, deliver a lovely cake or take them out to lunch. Do something meaningful rather than transferring $ like I am paying a bill...

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  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    My family is massive so we try to just do gifts for the kids and adults on special occasions, or a joint present. We always do birthday dinners etc. I buy my mum and dad presents though.

    At Xmas we have 10 adults and 10 kids so we do kris kringle where every adult gets 1 kid and 1 adult and they get them a decent gift. It works better for us than the kids getting 10 cheap gifts that break or get lost quickly.

    DPs family aren't big on gifts so we just buy for the kids (there's only 2, soon to be 3).
    We do Kris Kringle at Xmas too - for the adults only. The kids all still get presents from everyone.

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    we stopped presents a few years ago. a card for siblings and now parents on bdays. Xmas is a Kris Kringle amongst the adults. kids we've agreed to buy presents to the value of $100 per kid.

    I think BIL suggesting a gift is a bit over the top. at 70 surely the best gift you can get is being surrounded by family and on an amazing vacay? what on earth does he need at age 70?

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