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  1. #21
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    Well with my partner I know he would never disrespect me like that, so I have no issues. But with yours i would be re-thinking the relationship.

  2. #22
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    I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. That doesn't sound like appropriate behaviour from someone who is supposed to be committed to you. My DH and I have always said if there are messages or pictures on your phone/computer that you think you need to hide from your partner, then you are probably doing something you shouldn't be.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMadHatter View Post
    I'm going to suggest as a solution (if he comes to the party and is actually interested in changing) that I be included in all FB messages to girls, emails etc- and ask for total honesty about interations with opposite sex friends at work etc- do you think that's ok or should I be saying I want a complete ban on all opposite sex friends?

    Also is it normal for partners to want access (or know the passwords) to each other's fb, email accounts, phones?

    I want to know for myself I've tried everything I can for this marriage, so if he comes to the party I'll give him another chance, but I dont' want to be taken for a ride either.
    It's not normal for one person in a relationship to demand to be included on messages/be told their partners passwords etc.

    I don't think you keeping tabs on your hubby's messages with other women will work. It will lead to you wasting more time and being in the same position you are in now 1 year down the track.

    I think the only way your relationship will survive is if your hubby:
    1) gets treatment and fully understands why he's been seeking out other women/being a **** AND
    2) wants YOU. AND
    3) is driven to stop being a **** AND
    4) is able to stop being a ****.

    Tightening the noose is a band-aid solution that will not work in the long run.

    Let your hubby stay away, get better and then consider taking him back only when he has demonstarted he IS better (Will take some time to do this).

    Good luck

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  6. #24
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    I agree, if he knows you have his password he will just communicate via other means or set up a fake account

  7. #25
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    Oh wow you poor thing, this is such a horrible situation to be in!

    Honestly, even without the other women he's talking to, he's not a partner in your relationship so that alone rings alarm bells for me. I get he is depressed, and that definitely throws a spanner in the works, but be needs to be working on himself so he can be all in with you. Relationships are bloody hard work without all the extra stress you have on your plate with your DD. You can't look after your kids, yourself and him all by yourself.

    But then he's clearly happy to talk to these other women. And not just in a good friend way, he clearly loves the thrill of flirting with other women and he's gone as far as to hang out one on one. It's ok to have friends of the opposite sex, but I think he's crossed the line. Especially if he knows it upsets you and he hasn't done anything to change his ways. That's disrespectful... And not to mention just unbelievable given everything else you have going on!

    I couldn't trust him. It honestly sounds like you'd be better off without him you just need to look after your kids and you xx

  8. #26
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    His behaviour has been so appalling that I see absolutely no incentive to get back together. Why make compromises such as 'you can keep fb messaging girls as long as I'm involved'. What benefit will you see by having him back in your life under such conditions? I can't see any for you - only benefits for him. Because you cook and clean and look after him and the house, and the family.

    I'm sorry, but it seems to me that he only wants to end the separation because that's easier for him than having to be independent.

    Don't sell yourself short. You deserve so much better. I wouldn't take him back until he's gotten himself help and made changes. No living in your house while he does that. No. Become independent, live on his own, take responsibility for his own health and happiness, and then if he sorts himself out and can offer you a genuine relationship (not one where you have to 'fix' him), well then you can negotiate a return.

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  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's not normal for one person in a relationship to demand to be included on messages/be told their partners passwords etc.

    I don't think you keeping tabs on your hubby's messages with other women will work. It will lead to you wasting more time and being in the same position you are in now 1 year down the track.
    ...

    Tightening the noose is a band-aid solution that will not work in the long run.
    I think @VicPark is spot on here, OP.

    Also, I know this is a serious thread, but when I was reading about your DH not doing much around the house, I thought of this...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5FAQxgD1xU

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  12. #28
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    Totally agreed.


 

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