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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by bel2466 View Post
    About a year ago my dad needed somewhere to stay for 3-4 weeks when he returned from overseas. I was having a grumble to my mum about it (they are divorced) and she reminded me that he spent my entire childhood working his butt off to provide for me and give me a great upbringing (which he did) and that this was a small way of giving back to him when he needs me. It was true and I felt a bit selfish grumbling about it. He stayed, I felt like pulling my hair out a few times but on the whole it was fine and I'm glad we were able to help him out :-)
    I actually really like this perspective.

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  3. #22
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    Im assuming they need to stay somewhere in between as they need the money from their house settlement to be finalised before they can buy into the specific retirement village they've picked out for themselves.

    Is it possible they don't have the money to stay elsewhere in between? And are being all too casual about it - ie your dad joking etc because they are a little embarrassed.

    As hard as it sounds like it will be for you i hope you manage to get through it ok and your parents are settled safety into their new home soon.

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  5. #23
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    That is probably it so I just need to suck it up and be gracious about it. I just wish they weren't staying let alone for a month. Its been a long stressful year for me and this us just the icing on the cake. I wont say anything to them (apart from what I have said). Like I said I just wish they had been up front and considered me in this decision before rashly putting their house on the market before my head stopped spinning. Having them for a month us going to be torture. I moved up so I could help them not have them live with me.

  6. #24
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    Hey OP I totally get where you are coming from. My parents annoy the heck out of me after 2-3 days and are always announcing they will visit for one reason or another (that meets their own needs) without checking the dates are ok first. I've had to set boundaries (eg no overnight visiting in the 6 weeks after bub is born) and I've had to turn them away when they make plans to stay during that time.

    I would go crazy after 2 weeks with my parents. That being said if it was for the period of only 2 weeks before moving into a retirement village I would try and suck it up. If my parents pulled the 4 weeks at the last moment I would be shirty however I would blame myself - I know what they are like and if they werent crystal clear about dates and durations that would be because I didn't specify what I needed from them and what my boundaries were clearly enough.

    My advice - outline your expectations now or suffer the consequences down the track.... If it were me I would tell my parents they needed to have a new unit sorted before moving in or a temporary housing plan in place incase there unit wasn't available within the 4 week mark. I would let them know that I cousins cook and clean for them and that I couldn't spend hours chatting with them on a work night. Of course I would say it a *little* more politely than this, however I would be clear nonetheless.

    Good luck.

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  8. #25
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    I agree with Vic Park. I do think you need to speak with them or the resentment will eat away at you while they are staying with you.

    I would organise a time when the three of you can have a chat about their upcoming stay. I think it's ok to tell them you are disappointed they didn't ask if they could stay with you especially given you have had a lot going on this year. You would like them to be clear about how long they expect to stay with you. I think 4 weeks may be a underestimate if they don't have a place to go to yet.

    I would explain that you are very tired at the end of the day and won't be able to chat in the evenings but would love to have a time on the weekends to do so (it's a bit of give and take!). You would really appreciate their help with housework, cooking and baby sitting. Could you use this time to have a few date nights with hubby? Gets you away from them and you get quality time with your DH?

    I'd be dreading it to but look for the positives as much as you can. I do think it will help having a grown up chat with them to air your worries in a mature calm way. If you don't things will continue to eat away at you and your relationship with them possibly destroyed.

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  10. #26
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    Thanks for your responses. I will need to talk to them. When I was on the phone to my mum I was very clear I need to be communicated with.

    I feel that now I've said something they might come up with an alternative. Possibly go away on a holiday for a week or so. Maybe actually get their act in gear and arrange the retirement instead of thinking they have all the time in the world to stay with me.

    I dont need to tell them they need to help out they would have no problems there.

    I still just wonder how on earth they simply thought it was ok to stay for a month +. To not even ask how I felt. It's so entitled!

    When we moved to be near mum and dad I stayed for 4 nights with my kids then moved into a rental. They offered to put us all up but I said no we need our space. Why did they not even realise that I would prefer to pay rent and commit to a lease to have my own space yet they didnt even consider my position when they decided to sell up and live with me until they got a place with no backup plan

  11. #27
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    Hmmm...sees to me they see their relationship with you very differently to how you see your relationship with them... I expect they feel you like being around them as much as they enjoy being around you and therefore don't see much problem with hanging out at your place for a few weeks.
    My parents live interstate and come stay with me for a month a couple times a year....they'd be devestated if I told them they couldn't come/stay! Obviously a different dynamic though...

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    Hmmm...sees to me they see their relationship with you very differently to how you see your relationship with them... I expect they feel you like being around them as much as they enjoy being around you and therefore don't see much problem with hanging out at your place for a few weeks.
    My parents live interstate and come stay with me for a month a couple times a year....they'd be devestated if I told them they couldn't come/stay! Obviously a different dynamic though...
    This.

    If I said that I didn't want any of my family to stay they would be devastated. If I visited Brisbane and didn't stay with my mum the whole time it would almost kill her.

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  15. #29
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    It's nice to hear that others have great relationships with their parents as I hope to have the same kind with my kids!

    And just to make clear I've told my parents they can stay a month. Initially I did say it's too long but only because they sprung it on me after always thinking it would only be for 2 weeks.

    As another poster said 1 month for houseguests is a long time for some people even if it is family. And my main issue has always been that I was never even consulted I was just informed this was happening. I've just started to find my feet again after a massive year and now I have them staying for a month and for me that is enormously stressful.

    But I wont be saying that to them. If they ask (which they wont) I'll tell them that I didnt appreciate how I found out. If they probe (which they wont) I'll tell them its been a long year.

    And also just to clarify every time I came to Brisbane for 20 years I stayed with my parents. I only moved into a rental when I moved up here because I knew that longer than 2 weeks with my parents would drive me nuts and we did not have an end date not knowing when we would buy a house.

    I came to a Bubhub to unleash I would never say to them what I said here. I'm not a total b*tc*
    Last edited by Naboo; 21-09-2016 at 07:58.

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  17. #30
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    Default Issues with my parents coming to stay..

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    This.

    If I said that I didn't want any of my family to stay they would be devastated. If I visited Brisbane and didn't stay with my mum the whole time it would almost kill her.
    "Kill her" That's a bit dramatic?.
    That being said I get it - you are a very friendly and sociable person. And it sounds like your family are the same and pretty cool. I can see how for you limited contact would be stressful.

    The OP and myself are different - not worse and definitely not better, just different . We need alone time to keep sane. Add to that my parents aren't as helpful or as emotionally supportive as your family. I guarantee 2 days with my parents and even Rose will be telling them to bugger off

    OP - I totally get it, no criticism from here. Some people don't function well if they are sleep deprived, whereas some aren't affected as much. Some some people don't function well with changes whereas others do. Some are stressed when their family isn't around to help, whereas others are stressed when their rellies hang around like a bad smell! All normal and all ok.
    Last edited by VicPark; 21-09-2016 at 17:29.

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