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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naboo View Post
    Thanks Skye and Tiny Dancer. I will put them to work dont you worry. But they will be there on my balcony when I get home from work week after week. Its the expectation I will sit around and talk. I only like visiters for a couple of days max.

    And what if they dont find a retirement house. They have always been silent around that
    It sounds like this move had been planned for them for several months. Why could they not have found a new house and move directly into it? I can't see any reason why they need to stay with you at all. It almost seems as like they just want to move in with you and have always planned it this way.
    If they haven't bothered to find a new place in the past 3-6 months that they knew they were moving then I wouldn't be surprised if they can't (read won't) find a new place and in 3-6 months they're still with you. Sorry.
    They don't seem to care about how you feel about this so they're not going to be rushing to move out.
    Think carefully about how much strain this might put on your relationship especially if it turns out to be a longer arrangement. Would it be better to cause some friction now and tell them they need to make alternative arrangements for accommodation? Or risk blowing up your relationship for good having them stay long term?

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  3. #12
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    So they don't actually have a place lined up to move into at the end of the four weeks?

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  5. #13
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    Thanks guys. They want to buy a small house in a retirement gated community. They had their name down for one place but their house took longer to sell so they had to let it go. I dont think they have checked to see if its still there. Mum said yesterday they said there has been alot of places sold in the community in the last couple of weeks. I dont know who they have been speaking to. Its like getting blood out of a stone. I dont think they mean to stay for 3 to 6 months but Im gettin a sinking feeling that 'a couple of weeks' has always meant a month or so. They are moving here on 13th Oct but were not going to talk to anyone about a house until the 28th Sept.

    Yes there really is no reason to stay here! Thats always been my issue. But because they were so adamant to stay for a couple of weeks we let it go. But now it's a month plus I feel like they are taking the mick!!

  6. #14
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    I can see it from both sides. My dad used to work in the nursing home/retirement village. For your folks to go into a village they would either

    (A) need a really good deposit with a bridging loan and them most likely living on super/pension they wouldn't get one
    (B) 100% cash up front to buy out right before they even move in.

    If you want to move into these places you need the cash immediately to do so and they may not have that sort of cash lying around until their house sold and it settles.

    I make a few queries for them and see what is available in their price bracket and put it to them. Just say you love them and want to help them find their new home. These are the options, A, B & C that are in your price point. I've made you an appt on this date, the sales rep is expecting you at this time. You could even go with them and ask questions that they may not think of.

    Give them things around the house like others have suggested. Coming home to dinner cooked each night would be great.

    Make sure they help with food etc

    I can see how frustrating this is for you. My sister lives o/s she's comes home for 4 wks every January. My mum and her clash within days of her arrival. But my sister sucks it up and gets on with life because she knows that one days neither of our parents will be here to clash with.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    I can see it from both sides. My dad used to work in the nursing home/retirement village. For your folks to go into a village they would either

    (A) need a really good deposit with a bridging loan and them most likely living on super/pension they wouldn't get one
    (B) 100% cash up front to buy out right before they even move in.

    If you want to move into these places you need the cash immediately to do so and they may not have that sort of cash lying around until their house sold and it settles.

    I make a few queries for them and see what is available in their price bracket and put it to them. Just say you love them and want to help them find their new home. These are the options, A, B & C that are in your price point. I've made you an appt on this date, the sales rep is expecting you at this time. You could even go with them and ask questions that they may not think of.

    Give them things around the house like others have suggested. Coming home to dinner cooked each night would be great.

    Make sure they help with food etc

    I can see how frustrating this is for you. My sister lives o/s she's comes home for 4 wks every January. My mum and her clash within days of her arrival. But my sister sucks it up and gets on with life because she knows that one days neither of our parents will be here to clash with.

    You are entirely right that this is the situation.

    They have their heart set on the one retirement village. So if there are no houses available at this retirement village at this time they will be stuck.

    You make a good point about me making appointment for them. Unfortunately that would not go down well in our relationship.

    Fact is, it is easier for them to stay here for a couple of weeks in between settlement and cash. But they never asked me, they just told me. They seem to find it difficult to separate the girl who left home at 23 to the woman that returned at 43. They always knew it would be more than 2 weeks but they have been cagey and elusive and non-fortcoming with this information. They haven't investigated any options because they are simply staying with me. They have not considered my feelings. I have had a major move interstate this year (moved twice actually) but they did not consider that I might need some breathing space. I have only been living in my new house for 2 months. Doesn't matter to them.

    And if there are no houses in the village at the moment they will be staying longer. Again not by request, just by telling me that this is how it is going to be.

    It's got me riled!

  9. #16
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    I don't think you are being awful at all. My parents aren't together, but I can only handle both of them in small doses for the same reasons as you. If fact I really identified with your post. They seem quite self entitled - when they visit you are expected to sit and keep them company and listen to their stories. They expect to just move in with you, be dishonest about the length, but seem to act like they are entitled to it. One of my parents in particular is like this, I love them but it has really strained our relationship. While I'm an extrovert, I'm actually quite private and don't like people staying for more than a few days.

    I get the feeling their stay may be even more than a month and they are fine with that. I would be 'helping' them find a place by taking them to the gated communities to look at places, take them to RE's to inspect houses. I find it odd though, why they want to bunk with you for so long. They've sold their house, they should have the money to buy very soon? It isn't like they are broke and living with you to save money?

    I feel for you. You'd find me in a corner rocking having even one of my parents live with me for a month+
    Last edited by delirium; 19-09-2016 at 09:50.

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  11. #17
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    Thank you Delirium! I appreciate your post.

    Yes they do feel entitled to me as well. We moved up here so that I can help them when they need it with shopping etc. Not for them to move in for a month after 8 months. What would they do if I was still in Sydney? I just think they thought it would be a fabulous idea and had no consideration that I might not be ok with it. Or possibly deep down knew it but didn't want to address it so said nothing instead....

  12. #18
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    Just read this thread and wanted to give my 2 cents. I may be the odd one out but I simple LOVE it when my parents come over to stay I enjoy their company as I otherwise don't get to spend much time with them and as I'm getting older, I'm realising more and more what they did for their kids and how difficult it must've been to raise a family. They do expect me to sit with them and spend time (they don't ask or force me but I know it's every parents' natural expectation). They help out around the house as much as they can in fact I have to tell them to relax. They just have a habit of doing things. I want to spend as much time as possible with them as I don't know how many days are left of their lives (the harsh reality!). Mind you, they do have some (very) annoying habits but who doesn't?
    Having had multiple miscarriages and going through IVF (no live birth), I know how much I want a child and if I'm successful, I'd like him/her to spend time with me when I'm old. I'm sure he/she will find me annoying on somethings as they'll be from a different generation and parents do annoy kids at times no matter what.
    Im not in your situation and probably don't understand exactly how you're feeling and the reasons behind it but I would try to have a good time with the parents for 1 month and try and make some good memories with them that can stay with you when they're gone. I know it won't be easy but you can give a try?

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  14. #19
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    Thanks Mongol. I appreciate your post and understand where you are coming from. Believe me I wish that I could feel the same way. My parents are lovely people but they do my head in after too long. I wish that it wasn't the case but it is and I made my peace with that some time ago.

    The fact is that 20 years of living interstate and only seeing each other when we are stuck under the same roof or a week has done a lot of damage. I'm not ready to go back there. Visiting then leaving after a couple of hours has been great. I can't believe they want to go back to this under one roof situation so soon!!

    I truely think they just didn't consider it. In their minds they are having a holiday in my house in between moving from their family home to their retirement home. And ultimately there is nothing wrong with that in theory. Except there is. I don't want it. I want my space. I'm tired from this year. It's only September and Ive moved twice, had 2 jobs, my son in 2 schools, bought a house and went overseas for 5 weeks visiting family. Oh and I have assignments due between now and November. Had they asked me instead of told me I might feel different. I likely would have asked they wait until the new year. I might not have felt so resentful this has been thrust onto me. But they didn't ask they just assumed I would be OK with it. Only now I'm not sure sure as they were never honest about how long they were staying.

    And now it's too late
    Last edited by Naboo; 19-09-2016 at 14:46.

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  16. #20
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    About a year ago my dad needed somewhere to stay for 3-4 weeks when he returned from overseas. I was having a grumble to my mum about it (they are divorced) and she reminded me that he spent my entire childhood working his butt off to provide for me and give me a great upbringing (which he did) and that this was a small way of giving back to him when he needs me. It was true and I felt a bit selfish grumbling about it. He stayed, I felt like pulling my hair out a few times but on the whole it was fine and I'm glad we were able to help him out :-)

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