I just need some advice or perspective. I don't care if I'm told I'm being unreasonable as I've already been told (nicely) to suck it up by my DH and a friend
I am an only child and for the best part of 20 years I lived in a different state from my parents. Visiting them (staying in their house or them staying in mine) was always HUGELY stressful for me after about Day 2. They just kinda sit around and expect me to sit around with them and we talk (same stories over and over and over). I love them but can only handle them in small doses... especially my mum.
My parents were over the moon when I told them we were moving back to my home town. Not long after telling them (while we were still in our adopted city) my father informed me that after when we get up there they are going to sell their house and then live with us for 2 weeks in between settlement and moving into their retirement house. At 43 years old, I didn't particularly like being told what I will be doing in my own house but I let it slide. Since then it's been like that my dad (jokingly) telling me they are staying. I'd go 'thak's ok' and he'd go 'I know it's ok - we are staying' chuckle chuckle joke joke. And that's that apparently.
I haven't felt entirely comfortable about this. They are putting stuff in storage and when we have delicately suggested there are ways to move from one house to another without having to move somewhere in between they have shot it down flat. They were adamant they are moving in with us for 2 weeks! End of story!
So probably about 2 weeks after moving into our new house (we rented up here for half the year) they just put their house on the market. They had been talking about doing it in a 'couple of months' but then suddenly the sign was up and it was for sale. We still had boxes everywhere, I had started a new job and DS a new school. Again I just felt like there has been no consideration about us. So at this point, they are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks soon but we don't know when. We furiously started unpacking just in case.
All along I have felt really uneasy about them staying. I like my space. I work long hours and I don't want to come home to them and have to 'talk' to them for hours when I come home. I know they will be super helpful, they don't expect to be waited on hand and foot but it's not the point.
Anyhoo cut to 3 month down the track (now) and they have sold their house. This has been in the process for the last 2 weeks and yesterday mum was around, had been there for at least 30 mins and was talking about when they are coming to stay. I was looking at my calendar and saw that they are coming to stay 2.5 weeks before they had agreed to come and stay for a weekend to look after our kids (we are going away for a weekend flights are already booked). I mentioned that to her thinking what are they going to do with our kids when they are moving and she said 'Oh no, well be here at least a month'......
They didn't tell me. I was in shock and said 'but you never told me - that's too long' and she just avoided the question like she normally does with confrontation. She alluded that with the timing etc etc but I said to her "Whether you sold the house last week or in a month it doesn't change the fact you have always been expecting to stay for a month. Why weren't you up front with me?" I felt totally ambushed!!
My DH is very family orientated and said that he thinks I am being slightly unreasonable even though he doesn't really want them here for a month. My friends say that this is a big change for them and I should support them. So I rang mum and told them if they need a month they can stay here but they need to be up-front with me. If things change on Wednesday (for example) I expect a phonecall on Wednesday. I don't like finding out things by accident.
But I just feel angry that first I was informed they were staying with me (didn't ask me just told me), then they have always said two weeks but they always meant four. When were they going to tell me? When they were on my front steps with their bags?
I just needed to get this out. I feel terrible but at most I only want them here for a couple of days at most and now it looks like a month (or more...).