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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    My dh also sits with my ds before bed too. He goes first, I go second. It's the lying down next to ds that he objects to.
    I find your DH's stance very odd. In my mind, if your DS is comforted by having you lie down beside him and it assists in getting him to sleep it would be empowering because you are responding to and meeting his needs. He would learn that he is a loved and valued member of the family and it okay to ask for something he needs.

    Consistently ignoring and dismissing his needs would be disempowering.

    FWIW I lay beside my kids at night until they didn't need me anymore, whatever that age may have been. They were all different. My youngest has high anxiety levels and still needs me to tuck her in at night sometimes.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 13-09-2016 at 19:54. Reason: Grammar

  2. #22
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    I lay next to to DD while I read her a book and we chat. I then stay there while she falls asleep. DH sits on the floor when it's his time. DS I still feed to sleep and DH pats to sleep

    She doesn't need us to do it, but I think we both enjoy the time together. DH said the other week while I was out and he was settling DS she put on her night nappy, PJs and took herself off to bed (she's 5 next month).

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    I find your DH's stance very odd. In my mind, if your DS is comforted by having you lie down beside him and it assists in getting him to sleep it would be empowering because you are responding to and meeting his needs. He would learn that he is a loved and valued member of the family and it okay to ask for something he needs.

    Consistently ignoring and dismissing his needs would be disempowering.

    FWIW I lay beside my kids at night until they didn't need me anymore, whatever that age may been. They were all different. My youngest has high anxiety levels and still needs me to tuck her in at night sometimes.
    I agree totally. I still tuck my 11 yo and 9 yo in at night. Give them both a kiss and tell them both that l love them. My dd3 is 6 months old and has her day naps in our bed as she sleeps really well in there (night sleeps in cot) and l lie down with her and sing her to sleep.

  4. #24
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    My DH is doing this right now with DS

    It's not a routine thing in our house - sometimes we do, sometimes DS will just go into bed and fall asleep. He often falls asleep in my bed, then he gets transferred to his own bed.

    I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing OP, I think it's lovely actually.

  5. #25
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    Always. After stories and turning off the light, DH or myself lie with ds1 for a few minutes before putting him in his cot. DS and I sing songs when I do it and DH and DS have a chat about DS' day when DH does it. Then he goes in his cot and to sleep.

  6. #26
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    Default Do you....?

    I do kind of see where your DH is coming from. While I have no problem staying with my kids until they fall asleep when they're under 6, it does annoy me when they are older.

    I get home from work, unpack school bags and wash 7 lunch boxes for the next day, do several loads of washing, then do dinner and bath. Then it's helping with homework. And they get quite a lot. Or we have after school sports.

    So by 730/8 pm I'm kind of "ok see y'all in the morning I'm chilling now!" But no DH and I walk between bedrooms and settle them. And when he's away I do all that alone. It's often 9pm before we're free of kids.

    So yeah there are nights if I'm honest I'd like to just tuck them in say goodnight and get some me time.

    ETA I don't understand why it's disempowering. I feel disempowered some nights (bec I don't really have a choice) but the kids are very empowered.
    Last edited by Sonja; 13-09-2016 at 20:49.

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    Albert01  (14-09-2016)

  8. #27
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    DH & i take turns each evening laying next to DD2 & DS reading books and snuggling.
    They love it. We read a book have a cuddle then we leave them to go to sleep.

    DD1 used to do the same but now she is 9 she likes to read to herself so i just pop in for a goodnight kiss when i turn her light off for the night

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    Albert01  (14-09-2016)

  10. #28
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    I love this article

    https://www.babble.com/parenting/i-s...my-6-year-old/

    Six years deep, and I’ve been through enough phases — enough beginnings and ends — to know that this, too, will end. He simply doesn’t need me in all the ways he used to, which is good and right and, in many ways, relieving. One day he won’t want me in his bed, either. He’ll want his space, his privacy. I won’t be invited to hear his deep before-bed musings, I won’t be privy to his raw vulnerability before slipping away to dream.

    So for as long as he’ll have me, I’ll lay down in that familiar space. I’ll stroke his hair and stare at his eyelashes, feeling his steady breaths in and out and in and out. I’ll feel that same calmness that I felt when his tiny head settled on my shoulder, breathing deeply into my skin. Tonight I’ll be needed in the most basic of ways, and I’ll show up.

    I know what the experts say and I hear the fear-based “should’s” from all corners, but in our corner — our darkened space, just him and I — it feels like anything but a failure. In fact, it feels like pure love.

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    Albert01  (14-09-2016),binnielici  (14-09-2016),Kaya  (14-09-2016),Olive Oil  (13-09-2016),SSecret Squirrel  (13-09-2016)

  12. #29
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    I still remember being around 5 and my dad sitting on my bed making up stories and making me giggle before I fell asleep. They're some of my fondest memories of my childhood. Don't feel bad for doing what you're doing.

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    Albert01  (14-09-2016),HollyGolightly81  (13-09-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (13-09-2016)

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post

    So yeah there are nights if I'm honest I'd like to just tuck them in say goodnight and get some me time.

    ETA I don't understand why it's disempowering. I feel disempowered some nights (bec I don't really have a choice) but the kids are very empowered.
    This is me. After long and stressful days I just want it all to be over and sit down for the night.

    On the last point, OP are you sure he meant your DS would feel disempowered, could he have meant that he feels disempowered by having the same nightly routine?


 

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