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  1. #1
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    Default Need some advice

    Really need some advice....
    Dont know if ive posted in the wrong area... let me know if i have!!!

    When i met hubby he was in the army. We moved around when the kids were little. But when my oldest was diagnosed with Autism and hubby wanted out of the army, he got out and did an apprenticeship in the mines.... then wanted to move again because he hated where he was working... then it all went to **** on a work trial (thats an extra long story- basically my mum was in icu on life support, hubby wouldnt come home from the work trial so i could drive the 10 hours to be with mum)....
    any way after it all went to crap i said ive had enough i need stability for my kids and moved back to my home town.. hubby moved with us to and everything was going great....
    until recently..... hubby doesnt like his job.... and now wants to join the RAAF.... he decided this with no talking to me about it... just assumed that i would move with him.... even when i told him that i was done with moving and i was not moving the kids anymore...

    We have 3 kids, the oldest is special needs and she is in an amazing school where she has come so far!! and my middle is starting school next year and he now has some amazing friends (he has had speech delays and never had friends before and has really come out of his shell)

    Hubby is making me feel like crap that i wont move with the kids to be with him...
    i feel like he is just saying stuff you im doing to do what i want you be a single mother while i get posted around australia
    im not stopping him from joining, im proud he wants to join. But he didnt even consider us when he made this decision....

    Am i being a cow??

    Sorry if it makes no sense, my head is everywhere

  2. #2
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    No your not being a cow. My mum was an army wife and moved to 3 different states and overseas. When we moved from nsw to sa my mum said that's enough (home state is sa) I'm not moving anymore. After being here for 4 yrs my dad was posted back to nsw we stayed here in sa mum and 3 kids. Dad came home every month one on of the army planes and we went there to see him. After 2 yrs he was posted back home. Then my brother died and my dad felt horrible that he had missed so much of our lives. He finally put his family first and got out of the forces permanently.

    I think your DH is being very selfish. The fact you've already travelled all over for him and still he won't change. He needs to put you and your kids first now. Considering your eldest has autism the chopping and changing every couple of years won't do them any good either

  3. #3
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    AdornedWithCats is online now Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Definitely not a cow. I expect dh to discuss any job/career changes with me before he applies.

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    Nope. You're a family, and should be making decisions together.

  5. #5
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    Decisions that involve the family should be made after discussions, and consideration given to everyone's thoughts and opinions. Is there some way for him to be in the RAAF, without being moved all over the country?? Would you be able to manage without him, if he was posted away for 2 years ? I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think he is being selfish. I don't know where you can go from here. You seem to be at an empasse. hugs, marie.

  6. #6
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    Thanks. I just feel like crap over it all!!!
    He says he wants to join because he doesnt feel a sense of purpose anymore in his work. Which hurts aswell!! Like were not enough for him. I know i can survive doing it on my while if he was posted away.
    He said he will look into trying to get a permanent posting here but that would not happen for at least 4 years i think!!
    Im just so over it atm!!

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    I'd tell him he is welcome to come back and visit you at any time. Your life shouldn't have to revolve around his. It did for a while, and that's fine but when does it get to be your turn?
    I told my husband the same thing when he went to join the military. I said there is a certain amount I am willing to give, and I will move if it suits everyone, but I will not have my life dictated to me. Neither one of you is more important than the other. It's an equal partnership. He cannot expect to continue taking and taking without giving back, and then be shocked when there is resistance. That's not how being married is supposed to work.

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  9. #8
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    Well i have just been told by hubby him and his family say its my "duty" to move with him all around australia to keep the family together because that's what he wants.
    I told him where they could go shove that!!!
    Im not moving my children especially mu oldest who is autistic. It would be detremental especially to her to have to adjust constantly. She needs the stability and she has that here!!
    Ive had enough. My heart is pounding and im shaking!!!

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    Kids come first. Do what's best for them for sure. Your hubby is big enough to look after himself

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    Despite wanting to tell him where he can shove his "duty". I would say that as a mother your duty is first and foremost to your children and there is no negotiation on that.


 

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