Whilst i realise life is full of horrible ppl, i didnt think she'd have to deal with it this early, nor be so affected by it, by interrupting her sleep, etc. We are trying to teach her what to say and its ok not to be friends with everyone and to make new friends but its still upsetting.
Ive spoken with one of the teachers in the room about it and she said that if she sees it she talks to the girl/s that its ok not to be friends with everyone but dont be mean to others.... its hard as obviously i want to teach her coping strategies and resiliance but wasn't expecting to do it until at least age 5 or 6.
It sounds as though the teachers are aware and do try their best to teach its not ok to exclude etc but its upsetting knowing she's not enjoying going to day care each time and it affecting her sleep.
It's also so important that carers work hard at prevention because intervention "when they see it" is proven not to work to any great degree. I might be a parent with high expectations of carers but i believe that it's their role, just as it is a teacher in any other setting, and they need to be pro-active in prevention. If my daughter was having trouble sleeping I'd most definitely be on their back until i saw a change...not just for my child but for others. NEVER be afraid to be the squeaky wheel about this sort of thing. We teachers are always happy to help, as long as you are approaching respectfully. If any carer isn't willing to continue to work at a problem it says more about them as a carer and that's when you go to the director etc if need be. Most carers would love to help I'm sure and be willing to try more than one strategy.
Yes our children will have to face meanies throughout their lives but when you tell them to put up with it or move away etc, it can devalue their feelings and can also give the message that it's a waste of time asking for help. It is FAR more important that your child sees you taking their feelings seriously and helping them to solve a problem than it is to learn to toughen up a bit. We teach people how to treat us and they need to know they are worth more than that sort of thing. Always always always show that you are doing it in the right way by working WITH the carers, not criticising them, and teach your child to have faith that people will help us when we need it and when we approach problems in the right way. Too often i have heard older kids in bullying situations say they didn't tell anyone because "nobody helps anyway". That's because one strategy hasn't worked and the adults haven't continued to work through strategies (or haven't let them know that they are). So the child feels like it was pointless. At this young age we can teach them that sometimes things won't be fixed immediately and that's why it's important to keep on telling!
And...building great, positive friendships with others is also important but always reinforce that they need to tell an adult, as kids can't always help and little ones sometimes feel that they did tell because they told their friend.
Maybe try some essential oils to help her sleep. I use Doterra ones, a mix of juniper berry, clary sage, and vetiver can help them relax and sleep better.
I didnt want her to feel devalued and i do want her to be strong with seeking help and not feeling that there 'is no point' like most must feel.
Thank you for your advice and support
That's bad that your daughter is being affected to such an extent. I'd definitely make sure the kindy teachers were aware of this. I think it is pretty normal behavior my 3yr old dd is guilty of saying these things to her friends and vice versa but at the end of the day they are all friends. She does have an older brother who calls her all sorts of things like poo head, stinky, bum etc so she has very thick skin and just throws it back at him which is what she probably does at kindy too.
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