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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    They called her fat and said many mean things.

    I'm also teaching her if anyone asks to play with her the answer is always yes. She's never to exclude. Niceness always wins is the motto I'm teaching
    That is truly horrible and sad being called fat amongst other things at such an early age.

    Thanks for the tip, I'll start incorporating the never exclude motto too, great idea

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    3 and 4 year olds can be like that. My DD is 4 and although I love her dearly, I concede that this is my least favourite age (was the same with DS). They can be little a--holes! I've lost count of how many times I've heard 3-4 year olds say to each other "You're not my best friend". My DD even says it to me sometimes
    Lol yes ive had it said to me and i just reply with 'thats alright, im not your best friend, im your mother!'

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by bel2466 View Post
    I think some work on day cares behalf and your daughters behalf will make a happy middle ground.
    Can you speak more at length to the director and they might be able to do a few all group discussions about 'what it means to be a good friend 'etc and maybe read that excellent book about filling each other's bucket (I hope you know the one that I mean?)
    Then you can also help by teaching coping skills, confidence and resilience building in your daughter. Unfortunately everywhere she goes in life she will always encounter mean people or people that are not nice friends etc and give her some practical strategies to deal with it both at daycare and when she's unhappy at home?
    Ive never heard of that book and great suggestion, thank you

    Whilst i realise life is full of horrible ppl, i didnt think she'd have to deal with it this early, nor be so affected by it, by interrupting her sleep, etc. We are trying to teach her what to say and its ok not to be friends with everyone and to make new friends but its still upsetting.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    I disagree with taking this lightly and only speaking with your daughter to teach her resilience. That is very important but...what is happening is NOT ok. I would be addressing it with centre staff and expecting some strategies put in place to improve the situation for all. These can be very positive strategies. I'm a teacher of 20 years and a mum to 3 year olds and i would never think a child needs to feel this way and just accept it's a part of childhood and to go play elsewhere.
    Certainly work with your own dd on every thing you can but don't be afraid to expect that others behave differently in friendships/peer relationships too.
    Thank you !!
    Ive spoken with one of the teachers in the room about it and she said that if she sees it she talks to the girl/s that its ok not to be friends with everyone but dont be mean to others.... its hard as obviously i want to teach her coping strategies and resiliance but wasn't expecting to do it until at least age 5 or 6.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyG4 View Post
    How awful for your DD! In my experience (4 girls aged 9,7,6&4) this kind of stuff doesn't start usually until the are in their first years of school or I've just been lucky. If the carers are aware it's been happening then I would have a better talk with them so they can pull the girls up for their behaviour. Your DD should not be having nightmares about the way she's been treated and excluded.
    I know right ! I wasnt expecting to have to deal with this type of stuff until at least 5 or 6

    It sounds as though the teachers are aware and do try their best to teach its not ok to exclude etc but its upsetting knowing she's not enjoying going to day care each time and it affecting her sleep.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to crt22 For This Useful Post:

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  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by RmumR View Post
    If the daycare carers are noticing this behaviour are they doing anything to help correct it?

    As in explaining to the girls about being inclusive and not hurting others feelings on purpose?
    Apparently they are yes. They will pull them up and explain its ok not to be best friends / friends with everyone but dont be mean.

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by crt22 View Post
    Thank you !!
    Ive spoken with one of the teachers in the room about it and she said that if she sees it she talks to the girl/s that its ok not to be friends with everyone but dont be mean to others.... its hard as obviously i want to teach her coping strategies and resiliance but wasn't expecting to do it until at least age 5 or 6.
    It's ok to manage it when they see it..but as a teacher i often say to parents that i am fully aware that i DON'T see the majority of bullying etc. Of course the meanies aren't doing it around me!!! So it's super important that you teach dd to let someone know asap and how to do this. I make sure that my daughters know the names of carers, go thru exactly what to say etc etc. And teach them to go to the second person if the first doesn't hear or act. This is SUCH a protective strategy because often kids will feel that they tried and give up when an adult doesn't seem to help.
    It's also so important that carers work hard at prevention because intervention "when they see it" is proven not to work to any great degree. I might be a parent with high expectations of carers but i believe that it's their role, just as it is a teacher in any other setting, and they need to be pro-active in prevention. If my daughter was having trouble sleeping I'd most definitely be on their back until i saw a change...not just for my child but for others. NEVER be afraid to be the squeaky wheel about this sort of thing. We teachers are always happy to help, as long as you are approaching respectfully. If any carer isn't willing to continue to work at a problem it says more about them as a carer and that's when you go to the director etc if need be. Most carers would love to help I'm sure and be willing to try more than one strategy.
    Yes our children will have to face meanies throughout their lives but when you tell them to put up with it or move away etc, it can devalue their feelings and can also give the message that it's a waste of time asking for help. It is FAR more important that your child sees you taking their feelings seriously and helping them to solve a problem than it is to learn to toughen up a bit. We teach people how to treat us and they need to know they are worth more than that sort of thing. Always always always show that you are doing it in the right way by working WITH the carers, not criticising them, and teach your child to have faith that people will help us when we need it and when we approach problems in the right way. Too often i have heard older kids in bullying situations say they didn't tell anyone because "nobody helps anyway". That's because one strategy hasn't worked and the adults haven't continued to work through strategies (or haven't let them know that they are). So the child feels like it was pointless. At this young age we can teach them that sometimes things won't be fixed immediately and that's why it's important to keep on telling!
    And...building great, positive friendships with others is also important but always reinforce that they need to tell an adult, as kids can't always help and little ones sometimes feel that they did tell because they told their friend.

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to NAT2561 For This Useful Post:

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  10. #18
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    Maybe try some essential oils to help her sleep. I use Doterra ones, a mix of juniper berry, clary sage, and vetiver can help them relax and sleep better.

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    crt22  (11-09-2016)

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    So it's super important that you teach dd to let someone know asap and how to do this. I make sure that my daughters know the names of carers, go thru exactly what to say etc etc. And teach them to go to the second person if the first doesn't hear or act. This is SUCH a protective strategy because often kids will feel that they tried and give up when an adult doesn't seem to help.
    It's also so important that carers work hard at prevention because intervention "when they see it" is proven not to work to any great degree. I might be a parent with high expectations of carers but i believe that it's their role, just as it is a teacher in any other setting, and they need to be pro-active in prevention. If my daughter was having trouble sleeping I'd most definitely be on their back until i saw a change...not just for my child but for others. NEVER be afraid to be the squeaky wheel about this sort of thing. We teachers are always happy to help, as long as you are approaching respectfully. If any carer isn't willing to continue to work at a problem it says more about them as a carer and that's when you go to the director etc if need be. Most carers would love to help I'm sure and be willing to try more than one strategy.
    Yes our children will have to face meanies throughout their lives but when you tell them to put up with it or move away etc, it can devalue their feelings and can also give the message that it's a waste of time asking for help. It is FAR more important that your child sees you taking their feelings seriously and helping them to solve a problem than it is to learn to toughen up a bit. We teach people how to treat us and they need to know they are worth more than that sort of thing. Always always always show that you are doing it in the right way by working WITH the carers, not criticising them, and teach your child to have faith that people will help us when we need it and when we approach problems in the right way. Too often i have heard older kids in bullying situations say they didn't tell anyone because "nobody helps anyway". That's because one strategy hasn't worked and the adults haven't continued to work through strategies (or haven't let them know that they are). So the child feels like it was pointless. At this young age we can teach them that sometimes things won't be fixed immediately and that's why it's important to keep on telling!
    And...building great, positive friendships with others is also important but always reinforce that they need to tell an adult, as kids can't always help and little ones sometimes feel that they did tell because they told their friend.
    This! This is perfect, thank you. I never thought of having a 'back up' plan if the first person doesn't listen or act.

    I didnt want her to feel devalued and i do want her to be strong with seeking help and not feeling that there 'is no point' like most must feel.

    Thank you for your advice and support

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to crt22 For This Useful Post:

    NAT2561  (11-09-2016)

  14. #20
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    That's bad that your daughter is being affected to such an extent. I'd definitely make sure the kindy teachers were aware of this. I think it is pretty normal behavior my 3yr old dd is guilty of saying these things to her friends and vice versa but at the end of the day they are all friends. She does have an older brother who calls her all sorts of things like poo head, stinky, bum etc so she has very thick skin and just throws it back at him which is what she probably does at kindy too.

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