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  1. #1
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    Default Mean girls at 3.5 years old

    So a few months ago our dd seemed to be having bad dreams and not wanting to go to day care. When DH asked why not she said because all her friends run away from her and call her a monster. We put it down to possibly a game she and her friends all play. It seemed to settle after a week.

    Then the past week shes been having bad dreams where she cries and throws about in bed. Every morning she asks if its day care and when i say yes she says she doesn't want to go and wants to stay home with me, attuing on and whining about it. Considering we both work, we drop her at day care and she runs back to me whilst walking out and gives me a huge cuddle and says she wants to go home. After speaking with her teacher apparently there are some mean girls and they all say stuff like 'you're not my best friend anymore and you're not coming to my bday party'. Our DD is super sensitive and im wondering should we move her to anotger day care or is it like this everywhere else and this is the new day and age where mean girls starts at 3.5 !?

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    Default Mean girls at 3.5 years old

    It's the same everywhere and moving her won't teach her how to be resilient, it will teach her running away is better.

    I also don't think the girls are mean girls at that age, but I can see why your DD is upset by it.

    They are just kind of like that about 'best friends' they don't truly appreciate what they're saying at that age.

    Just talk to her about how their words make her feel and how she can maybe ignore them or move on from them and play with some other kids.

    Give her the skills now how she can deal with it in case when she's older she is in fact around mean girls but I think 3.5 is too young to call them mean girls and move your DD

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    Like that everywhere. Make some play dates with the non mean kids and encourage those friendships. My DD went through something similar. One girl ruled the room and none of the other girls were allowed to play with my DD. They called her fat and said many mean things.
    We stuck it out. Things improved when they went to the kinder room and many of the kids moved to cheap council kinders. The other girl lost her posse. There's only 5 girls now so they have to play together though it does come up occasionally. I invited all the kids to her birthday party to encourage friendships. I talk to her about its ok for people to not like you, just go play with someone else.

    I'm also teaching her if anyone asks to play with her the answer is always yes. She's never to exclude. Niceness always wins is the motto I'm teaching

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    3 and 4 year olds can be like that. My DD is 4 and although I love her dearly, I concede that this is my least favourite age (was the same with DS). They can be little a--holes! I've lost count of how many times I've heard 3-4 year olds say to each other "You're not my best friend". My DD even says it to me sometimes

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    I think some work on day cares behalf and your daughters behalf will make a happy middle ground.
    Can you speak more at length to the director and they might be able to do a few all group discussions about 'what it means to be a good friend 'etc and maybe read that excellent book about filling each other's bucket (I hope you know the one that I mean?)
    Then you can also help by teaching coping skills, confidence and resilience building in your daughter. Unfortunately everywhere she goes in life she will always encounter mean people or people that are not nice friends etc and give her some practical strategies to deal with it both at daycare and when she's unhappy at home?

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    Quote Originally Posted by bel2466 View Post
    I think some work on day cares behalf and your daughters behalf will make a happy middle ground.
    Can you speak more at length to the director and they might be able to do a few all group discussions about 'what it means to be a good friend 'etc and maybe read that excellent book about filling each other's bucket (I hope you know the one that I mean?)
    Then you can also help by teaching coping skills, confidence and resilience building in your daughter. Unfortunately everywhere she goes in life she will always encounter mean people or people that are not nice friends etc and give her some practical strategies to deal with it both at daycare and when she's unhappy at home?
    Would love to know the name of that book.

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Would love to know the name of that book.
    Have you filled a bucket today by Carol McCloud

    There are quite a few similar ones by the same author. Very easy concept but something I feel passionate about children learning :-)

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    I disagree with taking this lightly and only speaking with your daughter to teach her resilience. That is very important but...what is happening is NOT ok. I would be addressing it with centre staff and expecting some strategies put in place to improve the situation for all. These can be very positive strategies. I'm a teacher of 20 years and a mum to 3 year olds and i would never think a child needs to feel this way and just accept it's a part of childhood and to go play elsewhere.
    Certainly work with your own dd on every thing you can but don't be afraid to expect that others behave differently in friendships/peer relationships too.

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    How awful for your DD! In my experience (4 girls aged 9,7,6&4) this kind of stuff doesn't start usually until the are in their first years of school or I've just been lucky. If the carers are aware it's been happening then I would have a better talk with them so they can pull the girls up for their behaviour. Your DD should not be having nightmares about the way she's been treated and excluded.

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    If the daycare carers are noticing this behaviour are they doing anything to help correct it?

    As in explaining to the girls about being inclusive and not hurting others feelings on purpose?

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