not even sure what section to put this under, it qualifies for a few of the sections I think lol.
so here's my story: ds turned 6 months 2 weeks ago and I went back to week last Thursday. just doing 3 days per week and ds is in daycare those 3 days as we have no family who are able to watch him while we both work. he started daycare a couple of weeks before I started work as a bit of a settling in period. he's settled in really well.
however, pretty much since he's started daycare, we've all been sick as dogs. dh and I were previously never really unwell and ds was never sick til now. he was BF until about 3 weeks ago and is now exclusively formula fed. unsure if ceasing BF has had anything to do with him getting sick but my mummy guilt radar is going crazy and saying it's probably contributed.
so ds has been unwell on and off for the last 3 weeks, sniffles, then gastro and now a chesty cough and lots of snot. he'll get better over the weekend and days he's home with me then after 3 days at daycare he's rat sh!t again.
tonight I pick him up from daycare and find out they're not using all the bottles I pack for the day and are rinsing and reusing bottles. wtf. I'm not happy with this at all and communicated this to the educator on duty tonight. I also noticed he didn't have a bed allocated with his name on it and all the other babies seemed to. I feel like they're being quite sloppy and I'm having to tell them how to do their job, something that really grates on me. I think I'm feeling extra picky with daycare right now as I'm feeling guilty for being back at work and with ds unwell plus I feel like the centre at which I'm leaving him don't seem to bothered with doing their jobs properly.
in terms of my job, I feel pretty so so towards it. my boss retired whilst I was on mat leave so I've come back to a new boss. the job is cruisy so far and the new boss seems ok, but it's a bit of a commute. I'd say on a scale of 1-10 I probably enjoy it 6/10 maybe? like it's not terrible but I don't love it. it's cushy enough and the money is good but I'm
just questioning is it worth it when ds is obviously suffering for me being there?
I'm also feeling bummed out as all the bubs of my mothers group mums are all sitting and/or crawling. one is even pulling herself up to stand (she's 7 months though) and they're all polishing off bowls of solids whereas we are still counting the teaspoons here. I'm just feeling like we are going backwards...I'm struggling week to week watching ds go from one bug to the next and just trying to ensure he stays healthy, meanwhile other babies his age are practically walking and eating 3 course meals.
ds is one of the youngest in my mothers group (most are 2-3 weeks to 1 month older) yet I'm the first mum to return to work. they're all still at home fulltime meeting up for coffees and making plans for play dates at play centers and I feel like I'm torn between work and dat care runs and gp appointments. I feel alienated and left out, like I've got nothing in common with anyone in the group anymore. I realise it's probably temporary as they'll all start going back to work soon too but it's still tough.
of course I realise many have it much harder than I do and in the grand scheme I have nothing to complain about. I'm lucky to have a cushy job that pays well and that we can afford daycare. I just can't help but feel like all this is my fault. I was originally looking forward to going back to work, now I just think it's a huge mistake. I'm going to have to keep ds home tomorrow as he's too unwell for daycare again (had one absence already and thus is only his 3rd week there) so that means I'll miss work. like surely it shouldn't be this hard?
I'm not even sure what my point is it what I want answered. does it seem like I've gone back too soon? should I quit or just say I need more time at home? or is this just how it is and I need to just get on with it? I'm just worried I'll end up damaging poor ds somehow by constantly sending him to daycare whilst he's under the weather.
I'm just feeling guilty, bummed out and over it all.
any feedback, opinions, ideas, stories etc welcome. thanks xx