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  1. #31
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    If I was the OP, it wouldn't so much be that he was refusing the vas, although I admit I'd be annoyed considering the difference between the two procedures and the fact I had carried and birthed our kids. It would be the refusal to pin down *why* he wouldn't (which I think the OP deserves) and the fact he is pulling all the strings i.e. refuses to get a 10 min procedure, knowing the OP's issues but is also controlling firmly not wanting more kids. It all just smacks of immaturity and control issues to me.

    When I was pg with number 3 and we decided he was our last, my DH said, "well you've carried 3 of my children with 3 c/s. You've had ops to get pregnant, you've been through enough. I'll deal with it." And off he went and had it done. He whined he was sore (you know men lol) but he never once went on about the decision or losing his mojo.

    I'm with VP on this one

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  3. #32
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    Look, I get it. I've exhausted every contraception that I'm willing to try and our only options are condoms and cycle tracking or vasectomy/tubal.
    I don't think women should hold sole responsibility and a vasectomy is, by far, a better option than tubal. But I just can't stand by the notion that men are selfish for not wanting to go through with it and I would feel terrible if my dh felt pressured in to it.

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I believe everyone has a right to do what they want to their body without being forced. But there is difference between refusing to just because and refusing due to a valid reason.

    Hormonal contraception, IUD's, tieing tubes come with risks. The risks are greater than a vasectomy. Yes there are risks - but a male needs to be willing to discuss what their concerns are and weighing it up with the pros/cons of other procedures. Effectively he is forcing the woman to a procedure because he does not want to discuss anything. But doesn't want kids.
    I did say earlier that I would at least get him to book an appointment to discuss it.

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Look, I get it. I've exhausted every contraception that I'm willing to try and our only options are condoms and cycle tracking or vasectomy/tubal.
    I don't think women should hold sole responsibility and a vasectomy is, by far, a better option than tubal. But I just can't stand by the notion that men are selfish for not wanting to go through with it and I would feel terrible if my dh felt pressured in to it.
    But the problem is by doing nothing they are in fact forcing a woman to do something. I'm lucky my DH volunteered. And I'm forever grateful he did.

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  7. #35
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    Dh decided to have a vasectomy for reasons beyond just decreasing our chances of having a whoopsie. I was happy that it was eliminating the stress of contraception and he even got the go ahead for other reasons, despite our age and that we only have 2 children, including a newborn at the time.
    He then started freaking out a bit because he is so young and majority of our friends are still years away from starting families, while he's about to close that chapter. While it seems kind of silly, especially because of our main reason, I'll just ride it out until he is definitely ready.

  8. #36
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    I wonder if when/if the option of a male contraceptive pill (is it actually available yet???) is made readily available if males will take that option if not willing to have a vasectomy. Or will that also rid them of mojo? What about our damn mojo!?!?!

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  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I wonder if when/if the option of a male contraceptive pill (is it actually available yet???) is made readily available if males will take that option if not willing to have a vasectomy. Or will that also rid them of mojo? What about our damn mojo!?!?!
    Last I read about it, it's not far away from being available. It feels like they've been saying that for years though 😏

  11. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But the problem is by doing nothing they are in fact forcing a woman to do something. I'm lucky my DH volunteered. And I'm forever grateful he did.
    I'd agree with that if he was refusing to wear a condom.

  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    But I just can't stand by the notion that men are selfish for not wanting to go through with it and I would feel terrible if my dh felt pressured in to it.
    No, I agree. Men have a right to bodily autonomy just as we do. But the clincher for me is that he 100% doesn't want more kids and wants something permanent done, he just doesn't want to be the one to do it. Had the OP been the one 100% not wanting more while he possibly did and she was pressuring him, I would be on the husband's side.

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  14. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    I'd agree with that if he was refusing to wear a condom.
    I loathe condoms particularly when I'm breastfeeding as I'm very uncomfortable vaginally as it is. I am someone who puts them in the shared contraceptive basket.


 

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