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  1. #21
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    I'd be really angry. Not so much that he didn't want to have the snip, but that he won't verbalise why. Of course he has *some* reason, and you deserve to know why. This isn't just his fertility he's dealing with, it's yours too. I find a really common worry is that it's somehow going to emasculate them. While in reality it's baseless, men can have illogical feelings too. But again, you have a right to know that reason.

    If I were you I'd try to get to the bottom of the why. If he's still refusing point blank to get it done but also refusing any more children then I would be telling him it's condoms and if there's a whoopsie it's on him. Not to be childish with him, but bc that's the reality. You don't want to be on the pill long term with good reason. You aren't 100% about no kids and frankly from what I've read tubals have lots of complications. IUD's fall out. He won't do anything, so it's condoms.
    .

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    . I'm trying to get him to understand that I really need him to get it done sooner as I'm still a bit clucky for a third (we've made the logical, rational and sensible decision to stop at 2, but our kids are so awesome I think I'll always want more) and I feel like if another was impossible it would help me move on from the idea.
    DH got the snip 2 weeks after the birth of our 3rd for the same reason. Truthfully, in another life I would have had a 4th. But like you we've chosen the logical sensible route of knowing we need to stick to 3. So we kind of pushed it along to take that temptation away. 18 months later I still believe we made the right decision despite being massively clucky But had we left it, I believe we would be pg again and that wouldn't have been the best for our earthside kids.

    So my long winded point lol is you are making the decision for the right reasons and push him along to get snipped haha

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  4. #23
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    Default Deciding to get tubes tied

    My sister had her tubes done and has suffered with tubal ligation syndrome. So there's no way I'm having it done. At 43 I'm also not going to use a hormonal contraceptive. As soon as I got past my denial stage of being actually falling pregnant naturally at 42 with DS3 I told DH point blank he had two options once baby came.

    The snip OR

    Celibacy.

    I'm not kidding. I'm not risking more children, tubal ligation syndrome or the risks of hormonal contraceptives at my age. Not when he can have a day procedure to fix our problems - one with absolutely no risks and no changes to his hormones.

    Anyway. It's taken the whole pregnancy and DS3 is almost 4 weeks old and he's still dragging his heels. But honestly. I've drawn a line in the sand on this one - considering the multiple procedures and all the drugs I endure to have DS2 via IVF he can suck it up! I don't often put my foot down with DH so he knows I'm serious.
    Last edited by binnielici; 07-09-2016 at 14:32.

  5. #24
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    I had my tubes tied after DD4, worst thing I have ever done! Went from normal periods to bleeding constantly, never having a break, weight gain, PMS severely- you name it!! Had my tubal reversed 18 months ago and finally feel normal again and AF has gone back to normal phew!
    Not saying this happens to everyone but I would really look into it before you go ahead!

  6. #25
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    If you're at all not sure then don't do it.

    My DH too refuses the snip - thinks it will 'effect his mojo', well he doesn't need a mojo as we aren't having sex! I told him it would happen if he didn't get the snip and here we are. He still refuses. Doesn't bother me as I have zero libido at the moment anyway.

  7. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    While the reason may not be considered valid to you or I, it must be for him and that's important. I don't think it's fair for women to expect men to get the snip because we've done everything else (not aimed at you, just generally speaking).
    If he's scared about the procedure and after effects, I'd suggest for him to book an appointment just to discuss it all and make it clear that there's no pressure, but it's something that you do want him to consider because of x, y, z. If he feels like it's solely his decision, maybe he will be more open to it.
    I disagree. I think it's bloody selfish for a man to watch his wife go through 3 x pregnancies and 3 x labours and then expect her to either go through a significant surgery or lifetime of putting hormones in her body just because he wants to continue to get his rocks off yet is too afraid to go through with a relatively minor procedure.

    By all means be patient, understanding and provide the hubby with support regarding the procedure however when it comes down to it if he does not budge - expecting your wife to bear the full burden of pregnancy, childbirth and lifetime contraception when you have the option to help but choose not to is poor form (yes IMO).

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  9. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I disagree. I think it's bloody selfish for a man to watch his wife go through 3 x pregnancies and 3 x labours and then expect her to either go through a significant surgery or lifetime of putting hormones in her body just because he wants to continue to get his rocks off yet is too afraid to go through with a relatively minor procedure.

    By all means be patient, understanding and provide the hubby with support regarding the procedure however when it comes down to it if he does not budge - expecting your wife to bear the full burden of pregnancy, childbirth and lifetime contraception when you have the option to help but choose not to is poor form (yes IMO).
    Sure, you're welcome to think that.
    However, I think everyone has the right to choose what they want done to their body, without feeling forced.

  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Sure, you're welcome to think that.
    However, I think everyone has the right to choose what they want done to their body, without feeling forced.
    Look you're right. I find it quite unpalatable really that I have effectively given DH an ultimatum.

    Unfortunately contraception is a mutual responsibility. When presented with the option of an invasive surgical procedure with physical consequences - some of which can severely impact quality of life OR a non invasive non surgical day procedure with no consequences to me the choice seems quite obvious - for a couple with mutual responsibility. I don't think force should be involved in a decision of that nature.

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  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Sure, you're welcome to think that.
    However, I think everyone has the right to choose what they want done to their body, without feeling forced.
    I agree with VP but I also agree with this.

    I have a problem though when the reasons men give for not wanting it are unfounded or incorrect. Eg my husband and it 'ruining his mojo' is a pathetic excuse as it's just not true.

    But I don't want to not can I force him into it. I just wish he would realise what it's all about and how his theories aren't correct and WANT to get it done no matter how uncomfortable it is for him. I've pushed two kids out of my hoo haa, had numerous people look at my privates, carried people in my tummy for 18 months, suffered the back aches and reflux and nausea associated with being pregnant, endured the pain or breastfeeding twice, the severe sleep deprivation of newborns all in order to get the family we want - 2 kids.

    So now it's his turn to take control, be a bit uncomfortable for a day or two to give us the family we want - no more than 2 kids.

    I didn't even have to go through IVF or other issues with my reproductive system like the OP. No wonder she wants and needs him to take care of this next stage of their family planning.

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  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Sure, you're welcome to think that.
    However, I think everyone has the right to choose what they want done to their body, without feeling forced.
    I believe everyone has a right to do what they want to their body without being forced. But there is difference between refusing to just because and refusing due to a valid reason.

    Hormonal contraception, IUD's, tieing tubes come with risks. The risks are greater than a vasectomy. Yes there are risks - but a male needs to be willing to discuss what their concerns are and weighing it up with the pros/cons of other procedures. Effectively he is forcing the woman to a procedure because he does not want to discuss anything. But doesn't want kids.


 

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