Hi... My husband and I had a pretty heated argument yesterday which ended with him calling me a "fu...ng wh...re".
I have never been called something like that before in my life. I cried quite a bit.
The insult had nothing to do with cheating or anything like that, it was during the heat of the moment. He was very unhappy with what we did for fathers day, I had trouble empathizing with him so I started going through everything we did that day and he got really upset as I recalled the events and called me those horrible 2 words.
I have not spoken to him since. I do respond to questions and keep it very formal and civil for the sake of our kid but Im not relaxed and myself, I have shut down (which I tend to do when something upsets me a lot). We have one child together.
This is not the first time he has insulted me though this has been the worse thing he's ever called me. He has had bouts of this verbally abusive behaviour since I was pregnant.
I want to separate but there is more to this story than just starting the separation process...
My family lives overseas, I have not seen them in 4 years. The air fares for the three of us is quite expensive so seeing my mum and dad is difficult. My father offered to pay the air fare for the three of us to travel this year, we will be traveling in 4 more weeks. I am very excited to see them.
My mother is quite elderly, her mind has not been that good lately, showing signs of possible dementia or alzeihmers. I feel like this may be one of the last times I will get an opportunity to talk with mum, "real mum" before the disease consumes her.. because if I am seeing her roughly every 3 to 4 years, she may be quite different next time i get to be with her.
So... I can't easily file for a separation given my dad went to such a big trouble to pay for the 3 air fares. I can't travel just with my daughter (and without my husband) because he has said he will not let me do that, he is scared I will not come back... which I would never do but that is his fear, he is scared I'll take his daughter away. For me to take my child out the country I need a written consent from him which he will not do for me.
I can't travel on my own either as I feel this may be very hard emotionally for my child. I am not comfortable leaving my child for 4 weeks plus my mum and dad really want to see their grandchild.
So I have to go overseas with him. I am having trouble letting go of the insult he has called me. I can't even sit down and talk things with him because I am hurt. But I have to fix this before we travel... If he decides not to travel he will not let my child travel.
In the worse case scenario that he actually does this I do not even know if I will go I feel torn because I have to say my mum. I have to! but can't leave my child...
He has not apologised, he does not think he has done anything wrong. He believes I ruined Fathers Day for him and for that I deserve that insult.
My husband has been upset since friday because he's been told at work that his role has changed. He is being forced to do something he absolutely detests. On friday night he was crying because of this. He has gone to the drs and requested to be put on antidepressants because of this.
If you are wondering about Fathers Day, this is what happened: The week prior to Fathers day my husband celebrated his birthday and so he said he didn't want much on fathers day because of all the gifts and celebrations we had been having. I said I would give him something anyways because it's fathers day.
We needed to pay the rates this past week so money was a bit tight, husband and I decide my gift for him could wait until next week when money wouldn't be so tight.
Anyways, on saturday I made him choose between two things he really likes and I made that for him as a Father's day present. (Caramel slice).
On Sunday morning our daughter gave him all these presents she has been doing for him. Then I asked if he wanted some eggs, to which he replied "in a bit" - he'd just woken up. He went to the backyard to have a cigarrette, then he went in and straight to the computer.. 5 minutes later he comes out and says "are you gonna do those eggs" to which I replied "oh.. ok" (I thought he wanted it later but I suppose he wanted them sooner). He misinterpret my response and said "if you don't want to make them that is fine, don't bother" but I said I did want to make them, he misinterpret me.
Anyways, I made the eggs. He did not like them. He said they were disgusting, to much butter. He said I've known him for 5 years and that it shows i don't care for him if i still can't make him eggs the way he likes them.
so that was mainly how the morning went.. not really happy... I feel it would've been a lovely morning should he had a happier attitude but he was miserable the whole weekend because of this change in his work.
So in the evening we got into this argument, he was saying that he should close his account on facebook because everyone has all these "happy fathers day" lovely messages while what he has is nothing. I said "did you want a post on facebook?" "no, you don't get it. You are not normal!" I reacted childishly by saying "No, you are not normal" - he scoffed, I said lets recount the events - " you are getting a present next week because money is tight this week. I made you a caramel slice. Your daughter gave you a mountain of drawings and a mug. I made you scrambled eggs." - as I recounted this he interrupted me and said that horrible insult.
ugh... thanks for letting me vent these events.
Im trying to be the bigger person and sit down and talk things but Im having trouble processing what he just called me... i'm just really hurt...