She was a few weeks off being 16 when it first strted. Not that it makes a difference. Still a 15 yo.
Her current boyfriend who she living with is 25 so it's obvious she likes the older guys. Even though i am relieved that there is nothing to worry about, I'm trying my hardest to not message this girl and tell her what I think of her. She knows about me and knows Im pregnant, but it's all just a big game to her.
Good on your husband for finally doing the right thing.
With that done and dusted it's time to stop rabbiting on about the blame the 15 year old CHILD should share. If there is a portion if blame to be had it's like 5% 15 year old female, 95% 25 year old husband. If you want to hold a grudge hold it against your husband.
I'm struggling to articulate the point I want so I will just give it a go.
There is a reason it's so easy for creepers to groom young teen girls. They get obsessive. Not all, granted, but it's pretty well known it happens. How many "don't sleep with virgins, you'll never get rid of them" type jokes have been in movies, or how many teen suicides are caused because their crush didn't say hello to them that day. It happens. They can get very obsessive. They can become uncontrollably obsessive when it isn't reciprocated, so imagine what happened when your husband did reciprocate her feelings. If he was her "first love", there is every chance those feelings won't go away until she is well into her 20s and her brain matures. Because she is a CHILD.
Your husband was a grown man. A grown man in a relationship imagining sex with a child. The age of consent isn't just a random line drawn in the sand. It is there for a very valuable reason. He is wholly responsible, because he is/was the adult in that situation. Legally and morally.
Can I also just say, and I know you're in a delicate situation OP and I don't want to have a go at you, but you said that when you were 13 you knew the difference between right and wrong. How does this change the fact that you were a child? My 3 year old knows the difference between right and wrong and obviously is a child as well. Knowing the right thing to do doesn't make you an adult.
I think as women, it's easier to blame the 'other' woman (or in this case, child), than it is to lay blame on our husbands. Bc if we take the focus off them by blaming her, we don't need to come to the realisation he's in fact, a jerk and we should leave. I'm sorry you are going through this OP, but this was not a one way street in any way. Had a 15 year old said those things to my adult husband, his skin would have crawled and he would have told her to stop, then showed me. Not got involved in pretty graphic and sordid discussions with her. Not only would I have considered that cheating, she's 15?? And nothing could happen until legal age? Just ewww.... so he would have sex with her once she was legal? Not 'no I'm married, please stop messaging me'.
As to the new messages. I may sound cynical, but while he hasn't been involving himself actively in the same type of chat this time, he was still conversing with her.... that was until you said you had a bad feeling. Then suddenly it's 'leave me alone'. Sounds to me like he had a hunch you had been on his FB.
I also wanted to add re. the age gap - once a person is 18, whatever. I may cringe seeing a huge age gap, but whatever. There is a huge space in between 35 and 25, or even 18 and 28 than 15 and 25.
I haven't read the thread. The ops post was enough. I would have left there and then when you found the text messages between him and a minor.
You seem to STILL be pointing the finger at this CHILD!
It's obvious she likes older guys
She knows about you and it's a game to her.
You want to message this kid?
How about we turn it around:
Your husband is the adult
It's obvious he likes younger women
He knows he's married and still does this, it's a game to him
He got caught out once and still puts himself back in the same position.
In really sorry Op. Try and send your anger where it's deserved.
I just wanted to add some context beyond the idea of the OP that she is a Home Wrecker. And can I just say someone can only wreck a relationship if the other party is willing to engage. If a dude was hitting on me, they would get a succinct, blunt **** off. My marriage would only be ruined if I reciprocated.
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