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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyhaps View Post
    Thank you I have read through every single reply. I'll just say that when I did find the messages while she was 15, it wasn't just a quick fight before we made up. I left him for a few weeks and really make him understand that even though she dressed/ acted much older and talked openly about sex that she was still immture and underage and that he could have landed in so much more trouble that what I was dishing out. I didn't just brush it off. From photos I saw on her facebook I thought she was early 20s.
    Part of my reason for allowing him back to that house is because i was told by the mate that the girl is in a relationship and living with her boyfriend. She had someone paying her the attention she seemed desperate for. There is no way I would let him back otherwise.
    I rang my partner last night and told him I'm worried and had a bad feeling that something will happen. He reassured me he would never do that to me again and that he had only seen her once so far at a family bbq on the first night and she was too scared to talk to him.
    This morning when I checked the messages there were multiple from her asking what hes upto, why they dont talk anymore, why hes ignoring her. His only reply was "I asked you to please stop messaging me. STOP". Her name is now Facebook User so Im assuming one of them has now blocked the other.

    Edited to add: On another note, at 17 I was living out of home supporting myself with two jobs while going to uni. I would never has thrown myself at older taken men. I didn't see myself as a kid anymore and I definitely don't see her as a kid at the moment. Hell, when I was 13 I even knew the difference between right and wrong. So I do place some of the blame on her. Especially this time round when he is obviously ignoring her and she is hounding him for attention. If he was seeking out younger girls to chat them up then I would never have forgiven him. Not trying to defend my partner but if he didn't have a girl telling him how much she wanted him and was desperately trying to seduce him then I know that he wouldn't have gotten in this situation himself.
    When this first happened though, she was 15 and 15 years old is a CHILD. There is a reason for the age of consent, it is because those younger than that are not capable of making a sound decision even if they think they are. It doesn't matter what the child is doing, the adult in the situation should never engage in anything with them, even if it is flirting via text etc. Yes most of us knew at 15 not to throw ourselves at older married men, but I certainly had a few friends who were desperate to get out of their parents control and made/might have made some poor choices in an effort to feel older than they were.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    When does she turn 18?
    She is 18 in a few weeks.
    She was a few weeks off being 16 when it first strted. Not that it makes a difference. Still a 15 yo.
    Her current boyfriend who she living with is 25 so it's obvious she likes the older guys. Even though i am relieved that there is nothing to worry about, I'm trying my hardest to not message this girl and tell her what I think of her. She knows about me and knows Im pregnant, but it's all just a big game to her.

  4. #23
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    Good on your husband for finally doing the right thing.

    With that done and dusted it's time to stop rabbiting on about the blame the 15 year old CHILD should share. If there is a portion if blame to be had it's like 5% 15 year old female, 95% 25 year old husband. If you want to hold a grudge hold it against your husband.

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  6. #24
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    I'm struggling to articulate the point I want so I will just give it a go.

    There is a reason it's so easy for creepers to groom young teen girls. They get obsessive. Not all, granted, but it's pretty well known it happens. How many "don't sleep with virgins, you'll never get rid of them" type jokes have been in movies, or how many teen suicides are caused because their crush didn't say hello to them that day. It happens. They can get very obsessive. They can become uncontrollably obsessive when it isn't reciprocated, so imagine what happened when your husband did reciprocate her feelings. If he was her "first love", there is every chance those feelings won't go away until she is well into her 20s and her brain matures. Because she is a CHILD.
    Your husband was a grown man. A grown man in a relationship imagining sex with a child. The age of consent isn't just a random line drawn in the sand. It is there for a very valuable reason. He is wholly responsible, because he is/was the adult in that situation. Legally and morally.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Good on your husband for finally doing the right thing.

    With that done and dusted it's time to stop rabbiting on about the blame the 15 year old CHILD should share. If there is a portion if blame to be had it's like 5% 15 year old female, 95% 25 year old husband. If you want to hold a grudge hold it against your husband.
    This.

    Can I also just say, and I know you're in a delicate situation OP and I don't want to have a go at you, but you said that when you were 13 you knew the difference between right and wrong. How does this change the fact that you were a child? My 3 year old knows the difference between right and wrong and obviously is a child as well. Knowing the right thing to do doesn't make you an adult.

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  10. #26
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    I think as women, it's easier to blame the 'other' woman (or in this case, child), than it is to lay blame on our husbands. Bc if we take the focus off them by blaming her, we don't need to come to the realisation he's in fact, a jerk and we should leave. I'm sorry you are going through this OP, but this was not a one way street in any way. Had a 15 year old said those things to my adult husband, his skin would have crawled and he would have told her to stop, then showed me. Not got involved in pretty graphic and sordid discussions with her. Not only would I have considered that cheating, she's 15?? And nothing could happen until legal age? Just ewww.... so he would have sex with her once she was legal? Not 'no I'm married, please stop messaging me'.

    As to the new messages. I may sound cynical, but while he hasn't been involving himself actively in the same type of chat this time, he was still conversing with her.... that was until you said you had a bad feeling. Then suddenly it's 'leave me alone'. Sounds to me like he had a hunch you had been on his FB.

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  12. #27
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    I also wanted to add re. the age gap - once a person is 18, whatever. I may cringe seeing a huge age gap, but whatever. There is a huge space in between 35 and 25, or even 18 and 28 than 15 and 25.

  13. #28
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    I haven't read the thread. The ops post was enough. I would have left there and then when you found the text messages between him and a minor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyhaps View Post
    She is 18 in a few weeks.
    ...Not that it makes a difference. Still a 15 yo.
    Her current boyfriend who she living with is 25 so it's obvious she likes the older guys...She knows about me and knows Im pregnant, but it's all just a big game to her.
    I've tried three times to write this without harshness and it's not working.
    You seem to STILL be pointing the finger at this CHILD!
    It's obvious she likes older guys
    She knows about you and it's a game to her.
    You want to message this kid?

    How about we turn it around:

    Your husband is the adult
    It's obvious he likes younger women
    He knows he's married and still does this, it's a game to him
    He got caught out once and still puts himself back in the same position.

    In really sorry Op. Try and send your anger where it's deserved.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bezzy View Post
    Yes most of us knew at 15 not to throw ourselves at older married men, but I certainly had a few friends who were desperate to get out of their parents control and made/might have made some poor choices in an effort to feel older than they were.
    I just wanted to touch on this. When I was 15 I was sexually active, including one night stands, but I didn't sleep with, or date 25 years olds. I had a really bad, abusive home life and as I grew older and grew out of this behaviour I realised I was the cliched damaged goods needing desperately for someone to love me. Even for a short while. The fact this young lady has been dating another guy a decade older than her with assumed parental permission tells me there may be something going on in this young lady's life.

    I just wanted to add some context beyond the idea of the OP that she is a Home Wrecker. And can I just say someone can only wreck a relationship if the other party is willing to engage. If a dude was hitting on me, they would get a succinct, blunt **** off. My marriage would only be ruined if I reciprocated.

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