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  1. #21
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    I'm not sure how to write this - I suffered PND and severe sleep deprivation when my son was about 4 months old. I even contemplated suicide - had it all organised. The first doctor I spoke to about told me to "get over it" and offered no further help. The second doctor told me "it's a normal part of motherhood" and refused medication or a mental health plan. The third doctor finally started therapy and counselling for me, and I hadn't actually gone to that appointment about my depression (DS had a cold and I was there with him).

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes it's much more difficult to get help than you would expect. Maybe your friend has already tried and been rejected. Believe me after the first two attempts at getting help, I was really doubting myself. It was a very black time.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    I saw it. I completely understand where you were coming from. Some people reach out in weird ways. You can't read her mind. I held myself really well for the public eye. Most people IRL have no idea. I haven't even told most of my family (because I couldn't take on their stressing about my mental health, not because I was/am ashamed of it). Home was a different story.
    Now you've realised, you're still willing to be there. That means a lot to someone who's struggling.
    I can't imagine what you've been through. You sound like you're back on track and I really hope thats the case xx

    I'll keep posted on this thread, only because I know I'll need help if things get worse. Hopefully they won't.

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waggers70 View Post
    I'm not sure how to write this - I suffered PND and severe sleep deprivation when my son was about 4 months old. I even contemplated suicide - had it all organised. The first doctor I spoke to about told me to "get over it" and offered no further help. The second doctor told me "it's a normal part of motherhood" and refused medication or a mental health plan. The third doctor finally started therapy and counselling for me, and I hadn't actually gone to that appointment about my depression (DS had a cold and I was there with him).

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes it's much more difficult to get help than you would expect. Maybe your friend has already tried and been rejected. Believe me after the first two attempts at getting help, I was really doubting myself. It was a very black time.
    This is true. I forgot to even mention this. I went to my (new) GP at 4 months post partum and was told to just see how it goes. I didn't go back again until I was almost delirious with sleep deprivation and I'd had 2 panic attacks (at 9 months).

    If she has a good GP she trusts, and she knows will listen, it will make things easier. If she takes a completed EPND scale, at least part of it is done and shows there is a problem.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waggers70 View Post
    I'm not sure how to write this - I suffered PND and severe sleep deprivation when my son was about 4 months old. I even contemplated suicide - had it all organised. The first doctor I spoke to about told me to "get over it" and offered no further help. The second doctor told me "it's a normal part of motherhood" and refused medication or a mental health plan. The third doctor finally started therapy and counselling for me, and I hadn't actually gone to that appointment about my depression (DS had a cold and I was there with him).

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes it's much more difficult to get help than you would expect. Maybe your friend has already tried and been rejected. Believe me after the first two attempts at getting help, I was really doubting myself. It was a very black time.
    you're an amazing person to have shared this with me. She may have asked for help, but when I asked her if she's told anyone else about it she said no and just told me what she had told her husband and he didn't take her seriously. She's an independent strong woman so she doesn't want him to see her as weak.

    I'm so glad you got help when you needed it, eventually

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    This is true. I forgot to even mention this. I went to my (new) GP at 4 months post partum and was told to just see how it goes. I didn't go back again until I was almost delirious with sleep deprivation and I'd had 2 panic attacks (at 9 months).

    If she has a good GP she trusts, and she knows will listen, it will make things easier. If she takes a completed EPND scale, at least part of it is done and shows there is a problem.
    She's actually had a panic attack. She went to hospital for it. She really was in a state. I'm not sure if it was her first one, but it wasn't pretty. The only reason I was there was because she had called my bestie who's a nurse and my bestie had her car at the shop that day so I had to drive her there.
    Last edited by SookiLala; 26-08-2016 at 20:34.

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by amyd View Post
    Don't feel bad. Sometimes it's hard to know what people need.

    I say turn up one day with biscuits and milk and have a coffee together - or go for a walk.
    That's a great idea. I might do that a couple of days before we go shopping so at least she knows she can go out.

    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    You're on here asking for advice about what to do, how to help. It shows you care
    Thank you xx

  9. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by UmmInayah View Post
    I can't imagine what you've been through. You sound like you're back on track and I really hope thats the case xx

    I'll keep posted on this thread, only because I know I'll need help if things get worse. Hopefully they won't.
    Mostly on track, thank you 😊. Maybe more aware of triggers and less sleep deprived?! Pregnant now and fully cognizant of what could be coming, and trying to put plans in place to prevent getting to where I was. I have a great GP now who is worth her weight in gold.

    She sounds like she is possibly worse than she's letting on. I hope she lets you help. You really are a gem x

  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    Mostly on track, thank you ������. Maybe more aware of triggers and less sleep deprived?! Pregnant now and fully cognizant of what could be coming, and trying to put plans in place to prevent getting to where I was. I have a great GP now who is worth her weight in gold.

    She sounds like she is possibly worse than she's letting on. I hope she lets you help. You really are a gem x
    Im glad to hear you have plans in place for your next bundle of joy too. Hopefully things will go smoothly and you won't have to worry about those plans xx

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  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by UmmInayah View Post
    . She's told me things she doesn't want me to tell anyone else, but I feel that's a burden I shouldn't have to bear. Do you think this sort of information is okay for me to share with my husband (who doesn't see her much at all)?..
    It sounds like you really want to care but deep down you still really aren't that fond of this lady. Which is ok - we can't 'gel' with everyone.

    If you can't handle her stories without betraying her confidence (when she specifically asked you not to tell anyone) then I think you need to walk away. If listening to her problems feels like a burden, if you feel the need to tell your husband when that won't accomplish anything, walk away.

  13. #30
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    I think you've been given some really good advice. In a nutshell the main things you can do for her are to listen to how she is feeling, give her information (like that how she is feeling is normal, there is effective help available), encourage her to seek professional support and help with that if you can, and encourage other strategies like walking, getting out of the house etc. And if she ever says anything that makes you worried that she may harm herself or her baby, tell someone else like her husband immediately - don't ever, ever keep that to yourself. I cannot stress that last point enough.

    I would also add that it is incredibly important for you to look after yourself. Self care is so very important - you can't look after anyone else if you don't look after yourself. Part of your self care may be debriefing with someone and that's ok. I'm in mental health so listening to people's problems is all in a day's work but sometimes even I need to unload on someone else. I'm lucky I have my colleagues to do that with but you obviously don't. I'd recommend someone either completely out of your social circle who doesn't and won't ever know your friend (perhaps a telephone counsellor from PANDA) or perhaps your best friend who it sounds like already knows everything anyway since your friend called her when she had a panic attack?

    Your friend is lucky to have you


 

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