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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGooch View Post
    Im not sure how talking to your husband will help?
    Agree with others suggestions - Edinburgh scale and PANDA. As well as suggesting she talk to her Child Health Nurse about it.
    However if you don't feel you can be there for her, maybe you need to be upfront about that. That's ok. But she needs to know you're not the person for her to confide in which gives her an opportunity to think of someone else.
    I'm thinking my husband can help in that I can load off on him and it's not just something I have to bear. I don't think it's fair to have to hear someones problems without at least having someone else I can let know what's happening. If that makes sense?

    It's not that I can't be there for her, it's more that there is only so much I can do. I feel that professional help is what is best, but it's difficult to get her to see that.

  2. #12
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    Argh. BH ate my response. Will try to remember what I wrote (but dot point this time).

    I posted the last one too early.
    - the EPND Scale is what the GP will do. Print it off for her. She could do it and take it with her and then not even need to talk to the GP.
    - The support you have already offered is great. She may not actually know what she needs, or be able to actually say it. I just needed company and to hear I wasn't a bad mum. I don't think a meal would be seen as intrusive. It would be a worry off her mind
    - regarding telling your hubby - that's your call. I guess you need to consider if he will act differently around her if he knows, and whether she or her child are at risk of harm.
    - She may not realise that she could have PND. It's hard to see from the inside. She may also not be able to make the call about thw doctor. I couldn't even decide what I was going to eat. Maybe next week ask her how she is going, and then say you're concerned about what she's told you. Could she call and make an appointment now, and you will take her.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    Sorry, hit send before I was ready. You can print it off and give her a copy. It's the same thing that the GP will use to assess her. Then, she could just take the completed questionnaire to the GP and not need to say anything if she doesn't want to. Or maybe even to the maternal and child health nurses?

    PANDA were really helpful for me initially. The problem is, that you often can't tell there is something wrong until it gets really bad.

    In terms of support - what you've offered so far is great! I don't think the meal would be seen as intrusive if she's confided in you. All I wanted was someone I could talk to (and she's already talking to you), and to hear I wasn't a terrible mother. I'd also tell her (gently) that you're geniunely worried about her, you're concerned about what she's been telling you, and you really think that she needs to seek some further help, because you won't be able to provide all the support she needs.

    In terms of you sharing with your husband, I think that's really only you who can make that call. If I was trying to decide, I'd be considering whether it would make hubby behave differently towards her if he knew, the nature of what she's said, and whether your acquaintance or her child are at risk of harm.

    Oh... and in relation to asking her about taking her to the GP/if she wants you to come around so she can shower or you can do the dishes or whatever - she may not actually be able to make that decision. It might be too hard for her. I really struggled with making decisions - the anxiety and fog just made it impossible. I couldn't even decide on dinner. Maybe next week, ask her how she's going, and then tell her you're going to take her, could she call now and make an appointment.
    This is so helpful, thank you so much.

    My husband actually doesn't know who she is so he wouldn't have an opportunity to act differently toward her. I did say he doesn't see her much, but thinking about it, I'm not sure he's even met her.

    I'll see how things go next week. I think she's told her husband a few little things like being worried she'll drop the baby and not wanting to go out, but he just dismisses it. And she dismisses it too. I feel the next time I talk to her shell pretend nothing happened and all is fine.

    (BTW, bh didn't eat your post lol)

  4. #14
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    It did on my app!! But it is back now 😐

    If she's having intrusive thoughts about hurting the baby, then she really needs help sooner rather than later. And she needs to know they are just thoughts, they aren't her, and it doesn't mean that it's going to happen (or that she will spill coffee on the baby/drop them/etc). I have a friend that went through that. The thing with intrusive thoughts is that just ignoring it often causes it to escalate, and happen more often (theres a scientific reason as to why but I can't remember all of it at the moment).

    The best thing a friend did for me was to come and pick me up and take me out. She didn't give me a choice. Just said she'd be there at 10. I felt so much better for getting out of the house.

    If she pretends all is fine, try calling her out (gently though), because it probably won't take much for her to change her tune.

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    SookiLala  (26-08-2016)

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    It did on my app!! But it is back now

    If she's having intrusive thoughts about hurting the baby, then she really needs help sooner rather than later. And she needs to know they are just thoughts, they aren't her, and it doesn't mean that it's going to happen (or that she will spill coffee on the baby/drop them/etc). I have a friend that went through that. The thing with intrusive thoughts is that just ignoring it often causes it to escalate, and happen more often (theres a scientific reason as to why but I can't remember all of it at the moment).

    The best thing a friend did for me was to come and pick me up and take me out. She didn't give me a choice. Just said she'd be there at 10. I felt so much better for getting out of the house.

    If she pretends all is fine, try calling her out (gently though), because it probably won't take much for her to change her tune.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. This has been really great. I messaged her a little earlier today with no reply. I'll wait a few more days so I don't overwhelm her. She's asked to go shopping next week, so I'll make sure that happens.

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    Tiny Dancer  (26-08-2016)

  8. #16
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    Any time! Glad I could help. Also really glad that she felt she had someone to reach out to who wants to help (even if you aren't really close!). You are a wonderful person xx

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    Any time! Glad I could help. Also really glad that she felt she had someone to reach out to who wants to help (even if you aren't really close!). You are a wonderful person xx
    I don't know about that! I started a post earlier on about her and now I'm feeling a little bad about it after realising her asking me advice was possibly because she needed help for other reasons.

    But thank you so much xx

  10. #18
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    I saw it. I completely understand where you were coming from. Some people reach out in weird ways. You can't read her mind. I held myself really well for the public eye. Most people IRL have no idea. I haven't even told most of my family (because I couldn't take on their stressing about my mental health, not because I was/am ashamed of it). Home was a different story.
    Now you've realised, you're still willing to be there. That means a lot to someone who's struggling.

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  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by UmmInayah View Post
    I don't know about that! I started a post earlier on about her and now I'm feeling a little bad about it after realising her asking me advice was possibly because she needed help for other reasons.

    But thank you so much xx
    Don't feel bad. Sometimes it's hard to know what people need.

    I say turn up one day with biscuits and milk and have a coffee together - or go for a walk.

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    Tiny Dancer  (26-08-2016)

  14. #20
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    You're on here asking for advice about what to do, how to help. It shows you care

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    SookiLala  (26-08-2016),Tiny Dancer  (26-08-2016)


 

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