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  1. #1
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    Default PND - When someone confides in you.

    I had previously posted about someone I knew who had a baby about 4 months after me. She is not someone I am extremely close to, and I feel our parenting clashes, which isn't a bad thing, just giving some background. She has been through a difficult labour (ceasarean) with complications which have now resolved.

    she confided in me that she doesn't feel as though she is bonding with her baby. She doesn't want to leave the house and finds it difficult to do things as her baby doesn't sleep much.

    I am concerned she is now going through PND and have told her it would be in hers and her baby's best interested to seek help. She's told me things she doesn't want me to tell anyone else, but I feel that's a burden I shouldn't have to bear. Do you think this sort of information is okay for me to share with my husband (who doesn't see her much at all)? And how do I help her? I've told her I can put another car seat in my car and take her to the GP if she would like. I've offered to come to her place so she can shower etc.. I've contemplated making a meal for her.. But I wonder if this is intrusive seeing as we just don't ordinarily click?

    I am just looking for suggestions..

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    Is this the same friend you past spoke about?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Is this the same friend you past spoke about?
    Yes, I feel like she is desperately trying to reach out I'm wondering now if her asking advice etc all along was her way to try to "connect" because she wanted to speak about these feelings.
    Last edited by SookiLala; 26-08-2016 at 14:50.

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    is there some sort of questioner online ?? for people who think they might be suffering PND?? I seem to remember some mention of that sort of thing?? perhaps you can direct her towards that, or just ask her to check out some PND information. I think the problem with PND, is trying to diagnose it at the start. good luck, marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    is there some sort of questioner online ?? for people who think they might be suffering PND?? I seem to remember some mention of that sort of thing?? perhaps you can direct her towards that, or just ask her to check out some PND information. I think the problem with PND, is trying to diagnose it at the start. good luck, marie.
    I feel her issue is that if she doesn't think about it, it will go away. When I offered to take her to the gp, she said "I'll leave it until next week" . I don't see her taking an online test

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    I can understand that you might be feeling 'put upon' by her sharing with you in confidence, but really, if she is causing you to be concerned, then she does have some problems. She might need more encouragement to admit things are beyond her control. If she is already withdrawn and not willing to leave the house, she is probably needing professional help. Can you stay in touch with her, but suggest a visit to her gp might be able to help. ?? I hope you are not feeling distressed, you are offering to help, but it is up to her to take the help. hugs, marie.

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    Get her to do the Edinburgh post natal depression scale. You can get it from the beyond blue site. At the very least it will help to provide an indication as to whether or not she needs further help. PANDA have a hotline with counsellors available 1300 726 306

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    I can understand that you might be feeling 'put upon' by her sharing with you in confidence, but really, if she is causing you to be concerned, then she does have some problems. She might need more encouragement to admit things are beyond her control. If she is already withdrawn and not willing to leave the house, she is probably needing professional help. Can you stay in touch with her, but suggest a visit to her gp might be able to help. ?? I hope you are not feeling distressed, you are offering to help, but it is up to her to take the help. hugs, marie.
    you're right, it is up to her to take the help. I'll keep trying without being forceful.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    Get her to do the Edinburgh post natal depression scale. You can get it from the beyond blue site. At the very least it will help to provide an indication as to whether or not she needs further help. PANDA have a hotline with counsellors available 1300 726 306
    Thanks for this, I'll try to see if she will take the test. I guess if it's in the privacy of her own home she may be more likely to do it.

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    Im not sure how talking to your husband will help?
    Agree with others suggestions - Edinburgh scale and PANDA. As well as suggesting she talk to her Child Health Nurse about it.
    However if you don't feel you can be there for her, maybe you need to be upfront about that. That's ok. But she needs to know you're not the person for her to confide in which gives her an opportunity to think of someone else.

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    Sorry, hit send before I was ready. You can print it off and give her a copy. It's the same thing that the GP will use to assess her. Then, she could just take the completed questionnaire to the GP and not need to say anything if she doesn't want to. Or maybe even to the maternal and child health nurses?

    PANDA were really helpful for me initially. The problem is, that you often can't tell there is something wrong until it gets really bad.

    In terms of support - what you've offered so far is great! I don't think the meal would be seen as intrusive if she's confided in you. All I wanted was someone I could talk to (and she's already talking to you), and to hear I wasn't a terrible mother. I'd also tell her (gently) that you're geniunely worried about her, you're concerned about what she's been telling you, and you really think that she needs to seek some further help, because you won't be able to provide all the support she needs.

    In terms of you sharing with your husband, I think that's really only you who can make that call. If I was trying to decide, I'd be considering whether it would make hubby behave differently towards her if he knew, the nature of what she's said, and whether your acquaintance or her child are at risk of harm.

    Oh... and in relation to asking her about taking her to the GP/if she wants you to come around so she can shower or you can do the dishes or whatever - she may not actually be able to make that decision. It might be too hard for her. I really struggled with making decisions - the anxiety and fog just made it impossible. I couldn't even decide on dinner. Maybe next week, ask her how she's going, and then tell her you're going to take her, could she call now and make an appointment.

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    SookiLala  (26-08-2016),Tdez  (27-08-2016)


 

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