Summer just thought id let you know, i also fund all the ivf stuff we do with my own money. Dh and i went halves on the first cycle but once i realised i was pretty much gonna spend everything i could he was fine with supporting me totally and willing to do everything i needed but it didnt feel right for me to ask him to pay for my crazy dream. I also would have done de ivf as a 'single' woman if he wasnt willing to continue and he was fine with that too. So, i know probably, other people might find that weird but your relationship doesnt have to be the same as 'society' expects it to be. (My plan is that he will end up paying his share, when ive got a baby and say im not going back to work, lol). For me, i like it because it means i can do whatever i want ivf wise and i dont have to compromise or discuss or try to convince him of anything, which actually makes it less stressful for me. I figure its a bit like, as he is a musician, if he came to me and said, "ive got a crazy dream to become a rock star and i need you to fund my crazy dream so you have to give me all your spare money and remortgage your house etc.. to support my dream." I would be like, fruck that! You buy what u want with your money and I'll buy what i want with mine.
Im sorry that the non shared costs thing is an issue for you and dp though. I guess i just wanted to say, you're not alone in funding ivf yourself and i dont think its weird that you would go it alone but still remain with dp. I figure its no different to meeting someone if you had kids from a previous partner. And 'support' in a relationship can come in msny different forms. xox