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    Default 4 year old has attitude! Help!

    So my DD is 4 I haven't being with her father since she was pretty young so she's used to it being just me and her i have had other partners but none long term, I'm with someone now and have being for quiet a bit and she seems to have collected and attitude problem towards him somehow? He's very helpful with her, he Googles things when I need advice, tries to help with strategies and other things that can help her feel more comfortable and welcome but she has a huge problem and is extremely disrespectful. She'll be like don't tell me anything (stepfather name) has told you to say to me i dont want to hear it. Or she'll say (stepfather) told you to say that to me. She will turn around and bawl her eyes out and tell me how she just wants to live her life without being told what to do, she screams things at me like be quiet mum and stop talking to me while the tv is on i cant hear it, she tells me off about things when I'm trying to discipline her i dont smack I am a strong believer of no smacking I do yell sometimes only after she has had 3 fair warnings if she hasn't listened then I will raise my voice and that usually makes her do what I've being asking. When she comes back from her dad's she seems super depressed just lats on the couch in her pyjamas and watches tv she won't talk or be bubbly or get involved she distances herself. Her dad and I aren't on great terms we drop off pick up with out huge conversations we will discuss the time to collect her and where it will be & we go our separate ways. We don't badmouth eachother in front of our child it's always being a rule both our parents made us enforce when we split of course we say things about eachother but not in front of her.

    Do other people's 4 year old seem to have this attitude?
    What can I do i dont want her thinking it's okay to disrespect her step dad and i?
    No smacking is ever gonna happen so please don't suggest it.
    Last edited by tjbliss; 25-08-2016 at 08:19.

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    Remember she's 4, not 18. If my kids said to me that they hate being told what to do, l would say get used to it. But even now I get attitude, if I ask them to do the dishes, one might pipe up that they do everything or they don't feel like it. I might say, l don't feel like making dinner but l do it.
    I never bothered with time out, it works for some but l find that kids forget very quickly.
    Hold your ground...if your DP is good to her then that's the main thing.l used to ignore them when they were demanding but would just say we won't help until you ask nicely. She will learn real fast that attitude gets her no where. She might scream or whatever but she will get the idea that rude behaviour doesn't work.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 25-08-2016 at 09:33.

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    tjbliss  (26-08-2016)

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    there could be many things at play here. Your daughter might just be not happy with the arrangement about the co parenting. she might be feeling a bit put out because there is a 'step dad' on the scene and she wants to keep you to herself. She is only four years old. it is hard for children to process things, and also hard for them to express what they are feeling. I would ignore the attitude and ask for her to just try to explain what she is feeling. Saying " I don't want to be told what to do " could mean she is feeling bossed about and that she has no say is what she would like to do. Sometimes it is necessary to tell a child what to do, but not for every thing that they do. Too many possibilities, to give any clear answer, but I would ignore the attitude, and try to get to the reason behind it. Ignoring the bad attitude is probably the best idea. marie.

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    Thanks ladies very helpful comments. I will try and find the root of the issue Marie, she's not a very open person she will say she doesn't know what's bothering her but she will continue to say she doesn't want to be told what to do and she just wants to live her life. It's like she thinks she has the right to boss me about. She says like don't do that mum, stop talking about me (when I'm not), don't tell (partner) to look at me (I didn't/don't unless she's doing something cute) don't change the tv channel, stop talking, be quiet your nasty.. thats just a few examples she doesn't deny helping me with cleaning or anything I ask her help with on fact she's a very clean person for 4 years old she takes her dirty clothes out of her bathroom without being asked, hangs her towel and bath mat after showers, puts her dirty dishes in the sink, takes her toys back to her bedroom when she's done playing without being asked, takes everything she had in the car on long trips out... she just is very attitudios 😯😕

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    Glad you stuck around @tjbliss

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Glad you stuck around @tjbliss
    Thanks!
    Are you referring to the other post where I got hammered by all those ladies saying I was a fake?
    Sorry to sound naive just can't remember seeing your name anywhere

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    Quote Originally Posted by tjbliss View Post
    Thanks!
    Are you referring to the other post where I got hammered by all those ladies saying I was a fake?
    Sorry to sound naive just can't remember seeing your name anywhere
    Yes.
    I stayed out of that thread.

    Bh CAN be a really nice place.

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    harvs  (27-08-2016)

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    I hope l didn't come across as too harsh lol. I've gone through two preschoolers with attitude. Will have to go through it again in about 3 or so years...fun times not!! She sounds like a good kid helping you clean but yeah she has to learn that it's not acceptable to talk to mummy or step dad or anyone really. Kids are manipulative little darlings. I'm pretty sure dd2 is going to be a lawyer or negotiator lol.

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    The separated/coparenting COULD be an issue.
    Or she could just be a kid.

    Kids can be manipulative little sh*ts.... they are learning boundaries and boy do they like to test them. Her dad's place might be a holiday for her- I know that is how DSD and DSS felt coming here (few rules, takeout, movies, etc). H was depressed that he only saw them so little and wanted time with them to be fun. As we got them more, I had to insist on discipline and chores, etc.
    It's possible your ex is doing the same, and when your daughter goes back to you, it's back to 'normality' and she wants the fun back.

    Or, as I said, she is just trying to play you all against each other- they are very very good at that.

    Big big hugs.

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    Default 4 year old has attitude! Help!

    My 4 year old has various issues and the ONLY way we have been able to help him is to have myself, hubby and teachers all on the same page with what is going on and strategies that are to be used.

    Your 4 year old is developing her personality and social conscience at a time she is living in a split family - must be very hard for her.

    Is there any way you can bite the bullet, cop one for the team and make friends with your ex so you can jointly discuss how to best help your child? Your current boyfriend googling strategies is lovely and shows he has a kind heart however a much more in depth, comprehensive and co-ordinated approach is likely needed.

    Hats off to you for seeking help.
    Last edited by VicPark; 26-08-2016 at 22:20.


 

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