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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    My once beautiful, mostly compliant dd1 has over the past month turned into a turd. I see rare glimpses of the gorgeous girl she was but it's becoming longer between windows.
    Talking back, whining, epic TANTRUMS (which she never used to do), telling dh to go away and being nasty to dd2.

    We are at a loss how we should handle it. I do take her iPad away for the day but when she continues I've got nothing else. And it also punishes me in a way as then I can't use it to keep her quiet I've tried time outs but she just screams and screams.

    I'm assuming this behaviour and phase is normal. And she's picked up a few choice words from daycare. What do you do? Time outs? Reward charts? Take things away?

    I feel I spend all day yelling and picking on her but her attitude just stinks at the moment.
    My 3yo is being difficult too. Has been for a while though.

    We have a reward chart we started. It has simple things like getting dressed/brush teeth/manners/keep hands to yourself etc and he gets a sticker (its a magnet board). If he gets enough over the week he will get something special.

    Other than that, if he hits he gets taken to his room to calm down (we then cuddle and talk). Same with yelling. He does not tantrum as much. He just goes off and sits on his own to calm down now.

    Its so exhausting. He seems to maybe have some better days now.

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  3. #12
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    3 is a hard age! (For them and us I think).

    For DS we take any toy that gets thrown at someone/used to hurt someone, etc. It goes away for the day and he can have it back the following day. We also use time out if he is being violent towards his sister or us. We use humour where possible to diffuse situations before they escalate and I try to make sure I am giving him lots of attention during times that are typically when he loses the plot (late afternoon or when he's been stuck inside too long). Recently I started making a conscious effort to organize activities during the day that I knew he would love and that I could share with him as it felt like our relationship needed some 'repairing' after a particularly bad period of negative attitude, etc. it seems to have helped and it reminds me that my happy little boy is in there somewhere.

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  5. #13
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    We use a combo of things:
    Reminding her to speak nicely - I say 'I don't do things for people who don't use their nice voice'
    Removing some toys for a period of time (usually until the end of that day)
    Not allowing her to watch a favourite TV show
    Not getting a story at bedtime
    If she is particularly horrible she will get a time out in her room. I don't care if she screams the house down while she is in there, that's her choice. I go in intermittently and ask if her she's ready to calm down and have a cuddle. When she is, we go and have a cuddle on the couch and talk about the behaviour and say sorry etc.

    I try and choose a logical consequence for the behaviour - eg throwing toys = having them taken away. But it sounds so easy when I write it down, in reality when she has turned into a she-devil it's a lot harder to keep my cool!

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  7. #14
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    And lots of praise when she does the right thing - I don't think you have to be OTT about it, for example if she says 'can I have a drink please' I'll say 'sure, I can get you a drink, thankyou for using your manners'. Or just making observations 'you're playing so nicely with your brother, well done' If she is being particularly pleasant I will try and give her a little reward so she sees her good behaviour is noticed and gets attention too.

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    We had this issue with DS 3 & 3 months a little while ago. We breezed through the terrible twos and then it hit hard just before his 3rd birthday.

    I find that rewarding positive behaviour works better than punishing him so I started a reward chart for him so that he has a visual cue.

    I also started a chore chart so that he's helping around the house. At the moment, it's got really basic things - brushing teeth, getting dressed, making bed, putting his toys away, setting the table & putting his dirty clothes in the basket. Once he does all of his 'chores' for the week he gets a sticker for his reward chart.

    I also believe in natural consequences... if he doesn't put his toys away, they get taken away for a day.

    With regards to being rude, we keep saying that it makes us sad when he speaks to us that way and ask for an apology. The other week, he kept saying nah-nah-ni-nah-nah to us (as all kids seem to do). It turned out that one of the other kids at day care had been saying it to him. We asked him how it made him feel and he seems to have made the link that it made him sad when it was said to him and he hasn't said it since.

    Again, natural consequences, if he's rude to us, we don't play with him or will leave the room.

    With his tantrums, I just say to him that once he's finished having a tantrum he can come and have a cuddle. Sometimes I'll stay in the same room, sometimes I'll leave the room as I have found that he often needs some space to himself to calm down. Once he's calmed down a bit, we talk about what caused the tantrum - keep it simple. Normally it's because he wanted the iPad and I said no. So we'll talk about how that made him frustrated or angry or sad. The one thing that I never do is give in to a tantrum.

    With all of that though, I think the two most important things you can do is to talk about what they're feeling - in terms they understand and to praise positive behaviour.

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    We do time out for 3minutes.
    I sit him on his bed and tell him to stay there till i come back.

    Its long enough for him to think its ages but in reality its not long at all.
    When i go back to him i explain he had time out for blah blah reason

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (22-08-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post

    The phrase 'kill them with kindness' helps me too.
    Good one @harvs, now I've got Selina Gomez stuck in my head! Kill 'em with kindness, kill 'em...

    I'm not the OP but thanks for your suggestions as I'm dealing with a 3yo terror at the moment too.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (22-08-2016)

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    Default How do you discipline a 3yo?

    Haven't read the other replies yet but here's what we do:

    "Time in" which involves isolating our boy in an area but staying with him and explaining why he is being punished. Getting him to use his words to explain why he's upset. Focusing on his feelings rather than the bad behaviour.

    asking questions about why he's doing/done a certain thing and whether he thinks this is right/good/something to be proud of?

    Taking things away or giving him a choice of alternative outcomes - eg. If you continue this behaviour you will have to go to your room/not get dinner/can't read a story.. Or you can do x/y/z and you won't be punished..

    I also employ the fine art of praising the other child in a very over exaggerated way which leads the naughty one to mimic the behaviour in order to also get praise. Eg One child will start some inappropriate behaviour at dinner or refuse to eat so I would ignore this behaviour and focus on the other boy and say things like "oh wow look at you eating your vegetables, I'm so proud of you! You're going to be so strong! Boys who eat their vegetables grow to be so strong, look at your muscles! Daddy look at our boy eating all his vegetables, isn't he wonderful?" And so on and so forth. Within about 30 seconds of this, the other boy immediately behaves/eats etc and then they get the same praise too.

    My boys are just about to turn 5 and 3

    ETA - 3 is such a hard age, isn't it?!!

    I had to laugh when I read your turd comment LOL!

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  17. #19
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    I feel like such a hypocrite commenting on a discipline thread as I get so overwhelmed when in the turd phase!

    What we do has been covered but the other thing I would recommend is 'diffusing'. If things appear to be going downhill, do something they'll think is crazy fun - jump on the bed, quick game of chasey outside, dance around the house, tickle attack. Whatever helps to get some energy/frustration out (for both of you) and have a laugh in the process. I think it helps.

    I come down hard on bad words & mean behavior though. You don't get to treat others poorly.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (22-08-2016)

  19. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by YeahYeahYeah View Post
    I come down hard on bad words & mean behavior though. You don't get to treat others poorly.
    I agree with this, I can turn a blind eye to some things but she's never allowed to hurt anyone (hitting, kicking, etc.) or say mean things. I tell her "it's ok to be angry but it's never ok to hurt anyone. We don't hurt each other in this family" and that usually diffuses her. Obviously the message has to be consistent and couldn't be used if you smack.

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