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  1. #1
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    Default Financial dependence as sahm

    Just curious as to how other sahm's feel about being financially dependent on your spouse? It's only started worrying me in the last few years when things aren't so good with dp. It's been 9 years. It wasn't really planned to last this long. I hadn't a sparkling career before kids but never had any issues finding work so when we could afford for me to take time out and dp was happy with that situation I went with the flow. Moving to aus meant leaving my job so no job to go back to. I looked for part time roles years ago but with no family here and all childcare arrangements falling to me I didn't see any value in just taking any old job and putting my kids into long days in care for no money and no real job potential. Not sure if that makes sense? Now I know I need to study or retrain in some way. If I didn't feel so insecure I would probably just do some free online courses and maybe volunteer for the next 3 years until ms2 starts school but I'm starting to feel really vulnerable that I've become so financially dependent. I'm 43 too so that plays on my mind too. A teacher at my daughters school just retired at 60 which makes me wonder how realistic it is to plan to start a new career when I'm 50!?!

  2. #2
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    Default Financial dependence as sahm

    Hi I'm always very conscious of financial dependence on my DH. I've been predominately sahm for 4 years now and with DS3 arriving last week it will be a while yet.

    I have however managed to keep my foot in the door I suppose you could say by doing some consulting work. It doesn't bring in a lot ($3-400 a week) but it has kept me feeling like I contribute. That's finished now though and yup it's not a great feeling.

    If you are feeling insecure in your relationship then I would definitely be trying to get back in the work force sooner rather than later.

    Edit - I'm 43 as well and totally get what you mean about starting a new career. I try not to think about it and instead just focus on getting myself back out there when I can and earning an income to support myself and my boys in the event of something going wrong - not just marriage breakdown.
    Last edited by binnielici; 20-08-2016 at 10:22.

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  4. #3
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    I would only be worried about it if the relationship were not strong. Yes, things can change, but if it's something you are both 100% committed to (you being home) then it shouldn't be a source of stress for you. It's a choice you've BOTH made and he has a responsibility to you, as you to him.

    Jobs can be lost, wage earners retrenched etc so there is more than one way to lose that financial stability. It's not just SAHMs. I think it's valuable for everybody to keep skilled, keep training when possible and just keep your ability to be employed. You might need to diversify - I recently have, into the disability care sector, after being a SAHM for 6 years - but you will find a role if you're willing to do it.

    Study is a fantastic option and absolutely, I think it is valuable to re enter the work force even at 50 (if that's what you want or need to do). Paid work can be surprisingly fulfilling. Personally I see the value in both working at home, and working part time outside the home and that is my aim until retirement age. I plan to take up study again when my youngest is about 6-8 or so. Uni is so flexible and accessible these days.

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  6. #4
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    So true what you are both saying about it not just being sahm and risk of marriage break ups. Dps work is also insecure now so that's at the back of my mind. So my dilema is do I update the old admin skills that would hopefully get me in the door for at least some temp work or spend a few years doing uni prep / volunteer and then pursue a new career path in my 50's? Unfortunately the uni course I want to do isn't flexible. They can't give me any indication of contact hours and there are no online courses available at entry level masters level. If I do another bachelors that'd be 8 years part time! I suppose I could try and do both? Maybe update the admin skills and test the water. I hated admin tho!! We are in a good financial position at least right now. I guess no one is completely secure you just never know what's around the corner...

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    Default Financial dependence as sahm

    To be honest I would do both. Update your admin so if needed you can get back in the workforce quickly - also you may find admin work with five you the flexibility you need if your need to work happens while kids a re still young.

    In the meantime look at fulfilling your career goals with the longer term study when you are ready.

    I am always looking for ways to earn an income in a flexible way. I would love to be able to start earning inc me again whilst at home with my boys. - so don't rule out finding something now for the admin work. I know virtual assistants are more and more in demand and many don't require the work being done in business hours!
    Last edited by binnielici; 20-08-2016 at 17:00.

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    I used to do admin roles for many years. Was a stay at home mum for 10 years and at 45 got myself a part time job (school hours) working for the elderly. 3 days is a good balance for me. I can do more. It can be 7 days a week. The pay is not great but I don't feel guilty because I am contributing. Now that all my kids are at school, it gets me out of the house. Working for the elderly can be rewarding. There are so many jobs associated with the elderly. I didn't require to do a course. But there are many courses if you want to work your way up. Something to think about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefulmum2 View Post
    I used to do admin roles for many years. Was a stay at home mum for 10 years and at 45 got myself a part time job (school hours) working for the elderly. 3 days is a good balance for me. I can do more. It can be 7 days a week. The pay is not great but I don't feel guilty because I am contributing. Now that all my kids are at school, it gets me out of the house. Working for the elderly can be rewarding. There are so many jobs associated with the elderly. I didn't require to do a course. But there are many courses if you want to work your way up. Something to think about.
    This is where I want to work I did my aged care cert 3 but see myself in admin working there lol

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    Default Felt like i was reading my own life story

    I fully have been here earlier this year tried to save my relationship after baby #2 moved here to aussie no family support but thought all or nothing. Financially stressed as ex-partner well we still live together at this time till im financially stable to move next year.
    I found an online job which has helped me feel soo good to contribute to the household again pay bills an get the kids things they have needed clothes etc. I even applied for a job at Mc Donalds and was declined cos i was too experienced i was gob smacked I live in a small town and would have thought they would love to have anyone willing to work but no

    Soo glad i dont need to put bubs in daycare cos thats all i would have been doing working to pay for daycare 😞 .

  11. #9
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    I am 43 aswell and financially dependent. I used to be a teacher prior to us having children. Now if it were not for family Tax benefit I would have to beg for money for a coffee. I too am stressed about re-training, as I have not been in the workforce for so many years now that to go back would be impossible. I think about a career change, maybe to social work, but then I would have to worry constantly about childcare and vacation care. My greatest fear is that something will happen to my husband and he will die, leaving me a single parent. Now with the Liberal Government changing the safety net, where there is no longer a single parent pension once your youngest child is 8 years old, I feel an enormous amount of anxiety. My husband thinks I am being ridiculous and has a "nothing will happen to me" attitude like he is a teenager, not 45! We have inadequate life insurance and on one income cant really afford to up it just "incase". So I understand where you are coming from. I feel like I am having a midlife crisis.

  12. #10
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    I have that a little bit. I don't have anything to be concerned about with hubby, good marriage, decent life insurance, very stable government job. But for just in casies.
    Hopefully in about 3 days I will finish my enrolment for the Diploma I want to do through uni (just need to wait til DH gets paid so I can pay the enrolment fee) which is a lead in to the bachelors I want to do. I have researched the buggery out of it and worked out how I will do most of the practical requirements etc. Its my dream job, but it's also important for me to keep myself skilled in case I need to job hunt earlier than anticipated.


 

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