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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I know this sounds horrible but my thoughts were what your last paragraph is. Since you said your different to the norm I feel like she's trying to get you to say things that she doesn't agree with or she thinks others don't agree with so she feels better about herself.
    It is horrible and I hate talking ill about people. Why are people like that? I really should just distance myself as much as I can. I don't believe children teeth and people watch my little one chew his fingers and say "oh he's really teething isn't he?" I just say "yeah, maybe "

    You know what else grates on me? She has so much help. She left her baby with her husband and and dad with an expressed bottle of milk to have lunch with us. It's not like she doesnt have support
    Last edited by SookiLala; 19-08-2016 at 10:26.

  2. #12
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    Kind of sounds like you don't particularly like her either. Do you have to socialise with her?

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spincycle View Post
    Kind of sounds like you don't particularly like her either. Do you have to socialise with her?
    I don't have to, no. She will be around for some coffee dates etc, but that's in a larger group so I don't see her as often. And as her parents are leaving to go back overseas, I don't know if she will be comfortable coming out a lot with her baby on her own etc. Look, I don't hate her, or even dislike her; I just don't feel like our parenting styles are anything alike and so we will never get along on that level.

    The only reason why I did socialise with her in the beginning is a close friend had mentioned to me how she was worried about her because she was distant and because she didn't seem like she had much family support around her. She was going through a lot in her pregnancy and so my close friend asked me to go around to her place and make sure she was okay, talk to her, make sure she was bonding with her baby, those kinds of things. I begrudgingly agreed to go, and since then I felt obligated to keep talking to her. During my pregnancy I said nothing to her about how it was going. I didn't want to give her the impression that everything was great for me and difficult for her.. and now I feel like I'm doing the same with my baby.

  5. #14
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    You know what else grates on me? She has so much help. She left her baby with her husband and and dad with an expressed bottle of milk to have lunch with us. It's not like she doesnt have support

    Seems like you don't think much of this lady. If she doesn't take your advice stop giving it... If you don't agree about her parenting techniques talk about something else... If you don't enjoy her company then just keep contact to a minimum. 1st, 2nd..6th baby it really doesn't matter, a mother may struggle with any number of issues or points in their child's life. If she seeks out your advice but doesn't take it that's her choice. If you feel bad because your baby is more settled and easier to manage (at the moment anyways) then count your lucky stars and let it go..

    As for being irritated she has help and accepts it... I think maybe you need to see there's an aspect of jealousy from both sides of the fence. I'm not trying to be harsh. I just remember how hard it is in the early weeks and months of having my first and second babies.. I needed understanding and support and I would have felt so hurt if a woman I had confided in actually felt so irritated by my requests for help. A little compassion goes a long way. If you are feeling like she is just a drain and you drags you down then maybe rethink a relationship with her.

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by UmmInayah View Post
    I don't have to, no. She will be around for some coffee dates etc, but that's in a larger group so I don't see her as often. And as her parents are leaving to go back overseas, I don't know if she will be comfortable coming out a lot with her baby on her own etc. Look, I don't hate her, or even dislike her; I just don't feel like our parenting styles are anything alike and so we will never get along on that level.

    The only reason why I did socialise with her in the beginning is a close friend had mentioned to me how she was worried about her because she was distant and because she didn't seem like she had much family support around her. She was going through a lot in her pregnancy and so my close friend asked me to go around to her place and make sure she was okay, talk to her, make sure she was bonding with her baby, those kinds of things. I begrudgingly agreed to go, and since then I felt obligated to keep talking to her. During my pregnancy I said nothing to her about how it was going. I didn't want to give her the impression that everything was great for me and difficult for her.. and now I feel like I'm doing the same with my baby.
    That would kind of make sense then why she asks things and comments on you having an easy time. I would assume the reason behind your initial contact probably left her feeling like you were the 'expert' and she may have not been feeling confident in her abilities as a mum. Perhaps she now feels 'obliged' to ask how you do things etc when really she doesn't need to ask so much. Maybe you were also led to believe by your friend that she had less support which is why it 'grates' you that she has her brother/dad to look after her child and support her.
    Last edited by Spincycle; 19-08-2016 at 11:08.

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtgirl View Post
    You know what else grates on me? She has so much help. She left her baby with her husband and and dad with an expressed bottle of milk to have lunch with us. It's not like she doesnt have support

    Seems like you don't think much of this lady. If she doesn't take your advice stop giving it... If you don't agree about her parenting techniques talk about something else... If you don't enjoy her company then just keep contact to a minimum. 1st, 2nd..6th baby it really doesn't matter, a mother may struggle with any number of issues or points in their child's life. If she seeks out your advice but doesn't take it that's her choice. If you feel bad because your baby is more settled and easier to manage (at the moment anyways) then count your lucky stars and let it go..

    As for being irritated she has help and accepts it... I think maybe you need to see there's an aspect of jealousy from both sides of the fence. I'm not trying to be harsh. I just remember how hard it is in the early weeks and months of having my first and second babies.. I needed understanding and support and I would have felt so hurt if a woman I had confided in actually felt so irritated by my requests for help. A little compassion goes a long way. If you are feeling like she is just a drain and you drags you down then maybe rethink a relationship with her.
    Thanks for this. I guess it's the overall impression I get from her that makes me question if she is genuinely asking for advice or not. If I really knew she as asking out of genuine concern I would be more than happy to help or give my opinion.

    Maybe we both need to take a step back and acknowledge what is happening. I think the next time she asks me about parenting I'll push back on her and see what she actually feels is right for her and her baby and not just outwardly say what I would do.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spincycle View Post
    That would kind of make sense then why she asks things and comments on you having an easy time. I would assume the reason behind your initial contact probably left her feeling like you were the 'expert' and she may have not been feeling confident in her abilities as a mum. Perhaps she now feels 'obliged' to ask how you do things etc when really she doesn't need to ask so much. Maybe you were also led to believe by your friend that she had less support which is why it 'grates' you that she has her brother/dad to look after her child and support her.
    You're right. I guess when I say it grates on me, I feel like she says she is so hard done by, but there are times when she can step away and take a break. It's not that I feel jealous of her, more that she has these opportunities, yet still complains.

  11. #18
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    Default Vent - mum who keeps asking advice but will never take it or try it.

    Quote Originally Posted by UmmInayah View Post
    You're right. I guess when I say it grates on me, I feel like she says she is so hard done by, but there are times when she can step away and take a break. It's not that I feel jealous of her, more that she has these opportunities, yet still complains.
    I know people like this - they complain about stuff that is no where near what I am going through and it does irritate me a bit. Eg my partner works overseas 5/8 weeks and they complain about their partner going away for a week and OMG how will they cope. Sometimes I feel like telling them to go cry me a river (when I'm in a bad mood!) but the rational part of me reminds me that to them it is an issue and a massive change from their normal lives. Likewise that I probably complain about stuff that I'm just not used to dealing with and it's all new, and said friends are probably thinking the same about me because to them these issues are nothing out of the ordinary.

    Also sometimes we meet people who we just don't really like and they grate on us for no rational reason. You don't need to be best friends with everyone - maybe just limit your interaction with her.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 19-08-2016 at 11:30.

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  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I know people like this - they complain about stuff that is no where near what I am going through and it does irritate me a bit. Eg my partner works overseas 5/8 weeks and they complain about their partner going away for a week and OMG how will they cope. Sometimes I feel like telling them to go cry me a river (when I'm in a bad mood!) but the rational part of me reminds me that to them it is an issue and a massive change from their normal lives. Likewise that I probably complain about stuff that I'm just not used to dealing with and it's all new, and said friends are probably thinking the same about me because to them these issues are nothing out of the ordinary.

    Also sometimes we meet people who we just don't really like and they grate on us for no rational reason. You don't need to be best friends with everyone - maybe just limit your interaction with her.
    Thanks for understanding.

    I'm so grateful for all these perspectives. It's made me realise what's best for both her and myself. I'm not going to feel guilty for loving my baby the way he is and I'm going to stop making excuses to make someone else feel better. I'll try to help her work out what's best for her by not saying what works for me.

    Xx

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  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spincycle View Post
    That would kind of make sense then why she asks things and comments on you having an easy time. I would assume the reason behind your initial contact probably left her feeling like you were the 'expert' and she may have not been feeling confident in her abilities as a mum. Perhaps she now feels 'obliged' to ask how you do things etc when really she doesn't need to ask so much. Maybe you were also led to believe by your friend that she had less support which is why it 'grates' you that she has her brother/dad to look after her child and support her.
    This makes a lot of sense. It's also quite possible that the mutual friend has said to her "Umminayah gives great advice, you should talk to her," so that's possibly formed the basis of your association. It sounds like you two just don't "click" and no deeper friendship is forming (which is fine) so you should just pull away a little and return to being friends-of-friends.

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