WWYD? We've never babysat our 4yo nephew | Page 5 | Bub Hub
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  1. #41
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    I don't think you are overreacting as such. I can see why you're disappointed, but perhaps your disappointment is a bit premature. He is still only 4 and his parents may be control freaks who don't think anyone else can do his routine or handle him as well as they can.

    My DD is 4.5 and I don't want her having sleep overs at family's houses yet as she's not done so from a young age and she's the one who is very particular about her night time routine .

    I really want my nephews to be close to DH and I and I'm more than happy to look after them for an hour or so here and there or go to their concerts or sports finals matches, birthdays etc, but not much more than that. But that's just DH and I, so credit to you and your DH for wanting to be so involved in their lives.

    I'd also say from that perspective perhaps his parents don't understand your desire to have such a close bond with him that's why they keep saying no?

    I do agree with others who have said be specific about a specific outing and maybe when asking explain you're super keen to do so as you want to get to know him better and become closer to him. They may then be able to more understand where you're coming from.

    If that doesn't work I think unfortunately you can't 'force' (not that you're forceful but I mean more so you may need to give up) the issue, you may just need to accept that's not how his parents like to operate. Their kid, their 'rules' unfortunately.

    Good luck sorting it out! ❤️

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  3. #42
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    There could be any number of reasons-

    - parents don't believe in sleep overs for their child before X age, or at all
    - parents want the closest attachment to be them only, and already feel daycare is impacting that
    - daycare guilt
    - kid has asked not to
    - still bed wetting and not wanting him to be embarrassed
    - anxiety
    - social issues
    - behavioural issues
    And so on.

    It's great that you want to, and yes it does look one-sided. But it's your choice to send your child to them, as it is theirs not to send their child to you.

    Honestly, I would ask outright.

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    If you read my OP I didn't say that I was going to demand that I pick up my nephew & take him for the day as you have written - I said that maybe DH & I could ask that we take our nephew to the park for an hour with DSS as a way of possibly easing into a little more of the type of relationship that all the other cousins have enjoyed. No one is demanding anything here.
    Sorry, I perhaps didn't word that properly. Not saying you are demanding anything. But the saying you would like to take him to the park and going to pick him up at 2pm example is what I was referring to, as in if someone said that to me I would feel very uncomfortable in saying a flat out no to that person.

    However, you may have a very different relationship with this family and a very different situation to ours.

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    We enjoyed sleepovers at family members and friends homes - but we were aged 8+ when we started. For me personally, 4 is too young. My kids just wouldnt enjoy it at that age - they still want their mummy to put them to bed. The exception for us is MIL, & even that is infrequent.
    My nephew is 5 and I am a second mum to him due to my sister staying with me a lot when he was younger. My DD1 and my nephew were basically raised as twins. He loves my house and never wants to leave and always begs my sister to let him stay the night. He does fine up until it's time to fall asleep then says in this tiny sad voice "I want to go home". My sister always drives over and picks him up.

    He's just not ready. Once when my sister was in hospital after losing her baby we had to force it and have him stay the whole night. He slept in my bed and I let DD1 sleep there too as I thought it might make him feel more comfortable. I ended up having to leave the tV on for him to drift off to.

    When he's older he might actually make it

  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Just wanted to say that when I attended a parenting seminar one of the key factors leading to resilience in kids (other than parents leading by example) was for the kids to have a wide circle of friends and trusted adults that they can look up to.

    While I'm not necessarily supporting automatic sleepovers I think it's important for kids to have good relationships with other adults without their parents hovering around.
    Well then we agree very much about the need for our children to have a big supportive and involved 'village'. I guess the difference is working out the best way for our own kids to develop those relationships.


    I have been thinking more about this thread and it's funny how people have made comments to the effect of well we have a big involved family so it's normal to us. I totally get and respect that. Do your family your way. It's just funny cos I would describe myself as having a moderate sized (half dozen auntys and uncles and a dozen cousins) that is very close. I see them more often then most of my friends see their families. I see different members of my family about 3 times a week and big full group catch up approximately fortnightly. My kids are very close with all of them. But that closeness has come from living everyday life closely and together. Not from those people taking my kids on outings. I imagine that I would be more comfortable with extended 'alone time' at around primary school age. But again I'm not sure why that would be a regular thing. We do stuff together.

  7. #46
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    Default WWYD? We've never babysat our 4yo nephew

    Just to clarify, I didn't mean that we expected our 4yo nephew to be having sleepovers at this age - that was something that I envisioned for the future, not necessarily right now. I'm not quite sure why everyone thinks I'm talking about sleepovers as the most important thing?? The point was that we haven't been asked to babysit once ever, even for an hour, which in our normal family dynamic is a bit out of character - that's all :-)

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  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Just to clarify, I didn't mean that we expected our 4yo nephew to be having sleepovers at this age - that was something that I envisioned for the future, not necessarily right now. I'm not quite sure why everyone thinks I'm talking about sleepovers as the most important thing?? The point was that we haven't been asked to babysit once ever, even for an hour, which in our normal family dynamic is a bit out of character - that's all :-)
    I would just ask. That way you will have a definitive answer.

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  11. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Just to clarify, I didn't mean that we expected our 4yo nephew to be having sleepovers at this age - that was something that I envisioned for the future, not necessarily right now. I'm not quite sure why everyone thinks I'm talking about sleepovers as the most important thing?? The point was that we haven't been asked to babysit once ever, even for an hour, which in our normal family dynamic is a bit out of character - that's all :-)
    But do they ask anybody to babysit?

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  13. #49
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    I would love for my children to have an Aunty like you, OP

  14. #50
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    We have no family living in Australia but we have very close friends, we all live within 5 min walk and they have no families here either (1st generation aussie).
    So we are each other families.

    They have asked many times to have our DS, 3yo, for a sleepover. They have a kid the same age.

    We've always smiled and said maybe later. I doubt we'll ever agree to it.

    Several reasons. At this stage I feel like my kids places are in their own beds at night. IMO 4yo is way too young for sleepovers.

    I have no desire to not have him with us at night or ever. We work a lot and cherish any time spent with him.
    However we do play dates regularly.

    Another reason that we won't agree is that their kid is a bit of a bully and they let him run with it.
    DS is happy to see him but only if we are around and he has told me that he didn't want to spend the night at their place.
    But we have had their son at ours for a sleepover. I guess we call him out when he does play nice "no snatching pls" - "everyone gets a turn" etc and it goes well.

    That's my/a different perspective!

    In your shoes I think I would try a more formal invite : DSS would like to invite your DS for a play date this day this time


 

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