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  1. #31
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    Gosh I hope DS would want me to be around to see my grandchildren when they are born, not in the room but i would be devastated if I had to wait weeks or months , my mum was with DS and DH while I was in recovery and my MIL /FIL were at the hospital maybe 2 hours later , I loved having them both around and sharing my excitement, granted my MIL didn't stay with us ( but my mum lived down the street) but she visited every other day and helped out a lot

    OP I had such a great birth/recovery that I had people over every day ( in hospital and at home) but I understand some women need time alone so maybe just tell them until baby comes you really don't know how you will be , I think let her come after Bub but stay somewhere else if you really don't want her in your home and just make sure you give her ground rules if she starts to interfere too much - you not your DH , she's your family too so you should feel comfortable talking to her about how you feel ( your DH may not feel the same so the message may come differently from him)

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    Ok that's fine lets disagree but first let me turn this around. Your boys are grown up and now living in England. Your first grandchild is due. Do you stay away for a few months or do you go and stay with another relative so you too can enjoy newborn snuggles?
    I (am about to) have 2 boys. When they're grown and having their own children of course I'll be very excited and keen to meet my new grandchildren. But you know what I'll do? I'll ask them what they and their partners want. Because it's not my family, it's not my baby, I'm not the one giving birth or going through a major life transition, so I'll respect their needs and wants and put them above my own desires. If that means that I have to wait a few months to get a baby cuddle, then I'll respect that and make do with photos in the meantime, because it's not about me.

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  5. #33
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    OP, I'd personally be feeling a bit overwhelmed by having my first bub and meeting my MIL for the first time, let alone the expectation that she'd be staying with me. In the first few weeks after bub is born your hormones go crazy, you're sleep deprived, your relationship with your partner is undergoing a massive transition. Its really not an ideal time for house guests, especially ones you don't know! (Yes, she's your DH's mother, but doesn't change the fact that you don't really know her). If she could stay elsewhere and do visits, that would probably be a much better idea. Hope you and your DH can sort this out without hurting anyone's feelings x

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    Ok that's fine lets disagree but first let me turn this around. Your boys are grown up and now living in England. Your first grandchild is due. Do you stay away for a few months or do you go and stay with another relative so you too can enjoy newborn snuggles?
    I would fly over when the new parents were ready to see visitors. I would also not impose myself and offer to stay at an Airbnb nearby. I would offer help whenever and wherever but respect their alone time.

    why is this so hard for people to grasp?

    I wouldn't want a woman I've never met underfoot while I'm breastfeeding my newborn on the couch at all hours. would you?

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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    Ok that's fine lets disagree but first let me turn this around. Your boys are grown up and now living in England. Your first grandchild is due. Do you stay away for a few months or do you go and stay with another relative so you too can enjoy newborn snuggles?
    My mum lived overseas for the birth of most of her grandkids (she now has 9!) And only moved back to Aus recently. She stayed at my house for the birth (we needed someone to look after DS) and left 2 days after I got home as she did not want to be in the way. So not everyone wants to be there for the birth and first few weeks - just like not everyone wants someone to be there.

  9. #36
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post

    why is this so hard for people to grasp?

    I wouldn't want a woman I've never met underfoot while I'm breastfeeding my newborn on the couch at all hours. would you?
    If she was my sons grandmother absolutely, but I feel I'm biased as I had an incredible relationship with both my grandmothers and my DS is exactly the same, there is nothing nicer than watching your son with his grandparents who love him as unconditionally as I do

  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I would fly over when the new parents were ready to see visitors. I would also not impose myself and offer to stay at an Airbnb nearby. I would offer help whenever and wherever but respect their alone time.

    why is this so hard for people to grasp?

    I wouldn't want a woman I've never met underfoot while I'm breastfeeding my newborn on the couch at all hours. would you?
    If you read my post correctly I have suggested that the MIL stays with the sister for the entirety of the visit. I agree about having someone else in the house in those early weeks.

    I just think that this is an excited Grandma wanting to be part of it. If she is agreeable to staying at the sister for the length of the visit then that's a win.

    OP I think you need to have some very open discussions with your DP and MIL about expectation if she does stay with you. I.e. You would like help with laundry, meals, cleaning. She is not a house guest but someone to support you in those early weeks. Better to discuss expectations now.

  11. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    If she was my sons grandmother absolutely, but I feel I'm biased as I had an incredible relationship with both my grandmothers and my DS is exactly the same, there is nothing nicer than watching your son with his grandparents who love him as unconditionally as I do
    I just don't agree. I have a great relationship with my own mother, and over the years, mil and I are in a pretty good place. I still wouldn't want either of them underfoot in those early days.

    I know my mum would do lots to help, but she'd also give lots of unsolicited advice, which I know as a tired, hormonal and potentially in a lot of pain first time mum, would be the last thing I would feel like dealing with.

    I really don't see an issue with wanting it just you, the partner and the new baby.

  12. #39
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    @VicPark no apron strings here, DP didn't have a good relationship with his mum until he was older but they are close now which I think is pretty amazing. She moved back to UK 12 years ago and he really misses her. He hasn't seen her for 3 years currently. He absolutely puts me first and has said that we will do whatever I want, but I want him to be happy and think his opinion is important too.
    @Frankenmum not my first Bub so I know how I might feel and definitely agree it's not an ideal time for house guests lol

    I'm not worried about breastfeeding etc really as I'm not shy lol and I know she would help out - in fact I'm more worried that she will over step her bounds there than anything because I'm a bit of a control freak! Ha ha.

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  14. #40
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    @fmb I think you sound like you know what is best for you and you're kindly trying to consider what's important to DH as well which does matter, as long as it's what you're comfortable with. If you feel it's important for him to have her there close to the birth then I don't think it's a huge deal as long as she stays with family. Perhaps just ask DP to prepare her now that you're not sure how everything will go or how you'll be feeling so she'll just need to be patient as you figure things out and you'll just play it by ear how much visiting will happen etc.

    It's very easy to feel guilty with family so far away, I know the feeling and have had a lot of family members' actions justified with the line 'ah but she's just so excited!' While that's true, it is important that you have people around you who respect your space and your needs, and DP will be the gate keeper of that when it comes to his family. It sounds like he is respectful of that and will be a great support to you!

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