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  1. #21
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    We will have family visiting from overseas and this is the first grandchild in the family so a big deal. My mom is arriving 10 days after my due date and staying with us for a month. I just told her that we'd like the first week or two to bond and settle then she can come. We have a very open, honest relationship so I feel comfortable that I can let her know if I need some space or if she's stepping on my toes.

    My MIL is a different story, she's extremely sensitive and emotional and I just could not deal with her staying with us in the first 6-8 weeks. She can't afford her own accommodation so we just suggested she come when baby is 4-5 months because it's a much more exciting time to bond and my SIL would be able to come with her so will be much better.

    If you don't feel comfortable having your MIL there for the birth or directly after, that's your call to make. You decide and she needs to respect your decision. I disagree with the opinion that it's rude to ask her to stay elsewhere, this is not about your MIL, it's about you, DP and baby. It's a huge adjustment for anyone and you need to do what makes you comfortable. My dad is visiting with my step mom and sister when baby is 6 weeks and I have asked them arrange accommodation as I would have had my mom staying for a month before that and feel it would be too hectic, they can afford it so they were more than happy to do that.

    You come first here, everyone else needs to fit in with you

  2. #22
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    Thanks for all your thoughts ladies. Personally I would prefer to wait until 4-5 weeks old but it's really important to DP she is here for the birth and I wouldn't want to deprive him of that so I'm trying to work around it. I have been clear about not being comfortable with her staying here the first couple of weeks though. She will just be around the corner and can visit at times we are comfortable

  3. #23
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Your hubby does realise that he has a wife now and a child on the way and hat his mum should be third in the pecking order?

    it sounds like he has no idea how crazy those first few months will be. Maybe you could show him some of these replies to help him cut the apron strings.

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  5. #24
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    I would be saying she can come 4-5 weeks post due date (and hope I go early). It's hard enough looking after a newborn with just your husband and any other children in the house. You don't need a house guest too. It's just one more 'thing' to think about - making sure she's comfortable and has food and a way of getting around.

    You and Bub will also need your DHs full attention

    I would also not want any unwanted advice thrown at me in an already high stress / no sleep time in my life and would not take well to any visitors

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsVZ View Post
    We will have family visiting from overseas and this is the first grandchild in the family so a big deal. My mom is arriving 10 days after my due date and staying with us for a month. I just told her that we'd like the first week or two to bond and settle then she can come. We have a very open, honest relationship so I feel comfortable that I can let her know if I need some space or if she's stepping on my toes.

    My MIL is a different story, she's extremely sensitive and emotional and I just could not deal with her staying with us in the first 6-8 weeks. She can't afford her own accommodation so we just suggested she come when baby is 4-5 months because it's a much more exciting time to bond and my SIL would be able to come with her so will be much better.

    If you don't feel comfortable having your MIL there for the birth or directly after, that's your call to make. You decide and she needs to respect your decision. I disagree with the opinion that it's rude to ask her to stay elsewhere, this is not about your MIL, it's about you, DP and baby. It's a huge adjustment for anyone and you need to do what makes you comfortable. My dad is visiting with my step mom and sister when baby is 6 weeks and I have asked them arrange accommodation as I would have had my mom staying for a month before that and feel it would be too hectic, they can afford it so they were more than happy to do that.

    You come first here, everyone else needs to fit in with you
    I agree with all of this.

    I personally can't stand the posts that say oh but she's travelled so far and all the expense etc. it's hogwash.

    you're having a baby OP. that bonding time is time you'll never get back. my dh and I spent the first 11 days with ds pretty much in our own bubble and you know what? those days are still a blur. I want to go back and savour them properly again. I can't imagine how annoyed I'd feel having had house guests on top of a newborn. it should just be about the 3 of you (and your DD if she's around), parents and in laws need to respectfully take a back seat.

    I suggest, given you've stated she has other accommodation options, that she stays with your dp's siblings and just does day visits. I'd also say no visitors present for the birth but they're welcome to visit once you're home. that's just my personal preference though, I hate hospital visitors but you may be different.

    also, as twinklify pointed out, she must have her WC shots before meeting bub.

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  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Your hubby does realise that he has a wife now and a child on the way and hat his mum should be third in the pecking order?

    it sounds like he has no idea how crazy those first few months will be. Maybe you could show him some of these replies to help him cut the apron strings.
    @VicPark I think are more than a little harsh here. I don't think there are any apron strings here at all. He lives on the other side of the world to a very excited grandma to be. I don't think the suggestion is for her to be in the actual birthing room just around for first cuddles. This isn't unreasonable at all. It's tough when family members live so far away.

    OP your plan to have MIL stay with sister for the first couple of weeks sounds good. Is it worth speaking to all involved saying that if you are struggling after that 2 weeks she can stay on at the sisters? It sounds like she would be close to you and able to bond with bubs still.

  10. #27
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Stupid App! Double post!
    Last edited by Truffle; 12-08-2016 at 08:54.

  11. #28
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    @VicPark I think are more than a little harsh here. I don't think there are any apron strings here at all. He lives on the other side of the world to a very excited grandma to be. I don't think the suggestion is for her to be in the actual birthing room just around for first cuddles. This isn't unreasonable at all. It's tough when family members live so far away.

    .
    We will have to disagree. The OP has mentioned she would prefer to delay visitors until a bit after the birth. If the DH can't delay seeing his mum for an extra month or two when his wife and child should be his focus then that to me suggests apron strings.
    Last edited by VicPark; 12-08-2016 at 16:24.

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  13. #29
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    My MIL came to stay when DD was 8 weeks old, and brought her grandson with her. She was judgmental and interfering and expected us to look after her. It was such a stressful time having her visit.

    Next time I'm hoping if she visits, that she comes when DH is on leave when bub will be a couple of months old. Or we'll go to VIC, stay in a hotel, and visit her on our terms

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    We will have to disagree. The OP has mentioned she would prefer to delay visitors until a bit after the birth. If the DH can't good of seeing his mum for an extra month or two when his wife and child should be his focus then that to me suggests apron strings.
    Ok that's fine lets disagree but first let me turn this around. Your boys are grown up and now living in England. Your first grandchild is due. Do you stay away for a few months or do you go and stay with another relative so you too can enjoy newborn snuggles?


 

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