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  1. #1
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    Default Help - when should MIL visit?!

    Ok so DP and I are expecting our first in March 2017 (I have DD 6yrs from previous marriage).

    DP's mum lives in England. We have not met yet. She was due to come visit in November for our wedding but we are postponing due to bubs, so she is postponing her trip also.

    Question is - when should she postpone it to?!

    DP wants her to be here for the birth. I am hesitant because I feel like I won't want a house guest in the few weeks before and after bubs arrival. MIL can stay elsewhere for some of the time but will most likely be in town for a total of four weeks.

  2. #2
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    Not immediately, you need time to bond with your baby and to work out how you want to do things.

    I told my Mum that she couldn't visit until my son was 6 weeks old, if she wanted to come before she could but couldn't stay with us. I'm so glad I made that decision.

  3. #3
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    Just from my perspective I would wait a couple of months. We had my BIL come to stay for 2 weeks when DD was almost 6 months old and it still wasn't a good time I'm not a fan of house guests at the best of times and with a baby god it was hard lol.
    You never know bub might be early or late which makes it hard when someone has timed a trip. My DD was a month early and in hospital 2 weeks before coming home then cue 3 months of hell with reflux, screaming (her), crying (me), not sleeping (anyone), struggles with constant breastfeeding. It would have been hell having anyone here those early months let alone a virtual stranger. But I am very private and independent.
    I'd be thinking about things like establishing breastfeeding, how much time you'd realistically like as a new family unit, how private you are etc. as you'd know from your DD the first few weeks are such a blur and so important. I'd hold her off for a while but that's just me - some would love the company and help (hopefully she's helpful!) and have no issues with house guests!

  4. #4
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    I'd say not within the first 6 weeks. My mum also lives in the UK and wanted to visit around my due date. In the end she didn't visit until DS was 6 months old and for me that was perfect.
    I spent much of the early weeks in my jammies or with my boobs out - there's no way I would have wanted a house guest!

  5. #5
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    Here for the birth? Hell no! Hormones with a new baby will likely send you crazy stressed for a few months. Having a stranger in the house at the time would be unbearable (IMO).

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    I'd say not within the first 6 weeks. My mum also lives in the UK and wanted to visit around my due date. In the end she didn't visit until DS was 6 months old and for me that was perfect.
    I spent much of the early weeks in my jammies or with my boobs out - there's no way I would have wanted a house guest!

  7. #7
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    Omg not for the birth! That's crazy!
    DH family are in the uk and for our first they all came over 2 weeks after she was born. She was 2 weeks early luckily cos we had some time to ourselves first but it was still hard. For our second Bub they came out 2 weeks later again and it was ok cos at least I knew what I was doing! Definitely for the first baby you need your own space for at least the first month I think.

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    I just need to add that with our first I told dh if he wanted his family here soon after they needed to stay in a hotel. You don't need someone in your house right after you've had a baby! You will be emotional, sore and you will just want your own space to get your head around being a new mummy. If she stays in a hotel at lest you will have some breathing room.

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    Not surprised you're hesitant. I'm with Vic Park. I don't think anyone should be involved in the birth besides the parents of the bub. Why does your DP want her there anyway? It's your special time together. Why would anyone want a first meeting to involve watching someone painfully eject a child from their private parts? Can't think of anything worse.

    I'm worried my MIL will just turn up as a 'surprise' (she's also from Europe) with my husband's siblings in tow. They stayed with us for MONTHS last year and it was enough to almost break up my marriage. Worst house guests ever.

    You never know, your MIL might be a treat and after waiting six weeks or a few months or whatever she might be more of a help than the hindrance my MIL is but you can't know given you've never met. I would suggest DP tell her to come some months after the birth and stay in a hotel.

    My father lives interstate and casually asked if a room would be available at our house when I gave birth. I made it clear that I appreciated the sentiment but there was no way.

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    Seeing as youve not actually met her yet and she is coming from overseas for a 4wk stay id put it off till bub is at least 6wks old if not longer.

    Being here for the birth/due date is really pushing things too far.


 

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