I got pregnant to my ex. We slept together the day before he left me an that was it. Two weeks later that unholy little blue line. Im 27 and hes 29. This is the third time hes left me. Ive loved him for five years. Each time it was all i dont love you anymore, im leaving. He shattered my heart. Only for him to come back afew months later with oh it was a mistake, i love you more than anything, i want to be with you till we grow old, get married, have babies. He'd never said any of those things before. And he never said them after i took him back until the next time he was convincing me to take him back.
So this time the rose coloured glasses came off and i realised no matter how much i loved him id never be enough. He was always going to have an exit stratergy. I guess the pregnancy made all the **** stuff clearer. So i told him i wanted the baby but we were never going to be together. He told me he didnt want me to keep it. He said if i did keep it id be forcing him into a situation he thought was wrong. He would never want to be that father whos not there but if we werent together hed be forced onto being half there in some estranged way.
Then i got really confused, im unemployed, i have no savings, i only just graduated and cant seem to get entry level work, ive never even had a job in my desired industry. He grilled me about the financial situation. Hes a gypsy, no consistent work or home, no real aspirations, no education, no savings or control with money at all. He said id force him into something he couldnt afford. Hed have to change his whole lifestyle and i might loose a chance at my dreams. I was also diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety recently, he says i might damage the child because i have this mental illness. Will i damage the baby? I have a lot of these issues from my messed up upbringbing. I dont want to pass that on.
God i really need help. All the forums i read on this topic say - keep it dont have an abortion because he said so, and the whole pro life agenda. But maybe hes right? Im strictly pro choice. But i also believe babies are blessings and i loved this guy, i thought he was my soulmate. I dont know if we wont ever get back together. But i know i dont want the toxic relationship we have. I feel so much anger at him we can barely talk. Im 6 weeks now and the termination is already booked. I feel like im going to regret either decision. Is it possible to live a full life with termination regret? Maybe im just romantisising having a baby? I know im mature and capable of raising it on my own. I love this guy though and even if he doesnt want to be with me i dont want to force him into anything. **** im so lost, this is not just a casual sex or one night stand termination its a termination of a baby made from the one person ive ever truly loved.
Sorry for all the details. I gues im hoping it will help add to the advice. Please please help me. I dont know what to do. Please also no extreme pro lifers.