Can I just say, thank you so much for all your replies, I was very scared I was going to get a lot of judgement, but everyone has been understanding and given helpful advise.
While I am still not 100% in my decision, I have some more tools to help me make this horrible decision. Thank you again ladies, my faith in the forum has been restored.
Big hugs op. I haven't been through this personally but have thought about it. But my issue is going from 1-2 not 2-3.
My DD is 13 months conceived through ivf too. We are 99.999999% sure we don't want another for a range of reasons and 1 of those is I haven't coped well with motherhood and both of us don't want to go through it again. I think another child would break me and I'm very happy with 1. The feeling has gotten stronger as DD gets older. I just don't think I'd cope with another child. I barely cope as it is. I don't want to ruin my life my marriage and my DD and another child by pushing myself into a situation that I'm very sure is beyond me.
If by some miracle we were to conceive naturally (super super unlikely as we are using contraception and obviously needed ivf first time anyway) then I would definitely very strongly consider termination. I obviously can't say 100% as I haven't been in the situation and I'm actively trying to avoid getting pregnant but termination would be more likely than not. I am so conscious of pushing myself beyond my capabilities and I value my own life and mental health and my current family more than a potential second child.
So definitely no judgement here. I don't know how you reach the decision but if you strongly feel that you don't have the capacity to add another child to your family and it will affect your mental health then I think you need to be conscious of protecting yourself and your existing family. Whatever you do decide I hope that you're getting some decent counseling/psychologist support with your depression. Big hugs I'm sorry you're going through this xx
It's such a tough situation. I'm sorry you are in the thick of it right now.
dh and I had an unplanned pregnancy many years ago. I was on birth control and it failed. I chose to terminate and I have never regretted that decision. It was the right one for me/us at the time. I get sad that I was in that situation, but I don't get sad about my decision if that makes sense.
having said that, i have recently had our third child (he is almost 9 months old). My other two are 7 yrs and 2 yrs. I haven't found having three difficult. I actually really enjoy it. Despite the fact that all my 3 are shocking sleepers. I think the change from 2-3 can vary greatly though, depending on so many factors. I don't have any family support, but I do have a very hands on dh, no pnd, easy birth and breastfeeding experience...
Im not sure what I would do if I were to get pregnant again. I definitely do not want more and dh and I are very careful. If I somehow found myself with a bfp again, I would very seriously consider termination.
Hun I will tell you my story. Take from it what you need to.
I have 2 kids, 2 years apart. The first year of having 2 (baby and 2 year old) was bloody hard. Nearly lost it a few times. The second year (3 year old and 1 year old) was also hard. I absolutely dreaded the thought of a third. I'm not sure if I would have considered an abortion as my good friend had one and it still upsets her many years on. I can certainly understand how you are feeling though.
Only now (4 year old, 2 year old) I am starting to find being a parent easier. It turns out my eldest has issues and getting help has helped. I am starting to really enjoy being a mum. I think I could now cope with a third perhaps enjoy a third however that's not happening due to the permanent contraception, being to old and financially it wouldn't work.
I'm happy with my two.
Look after yourself.
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