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  1. #1
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    Default Unhelpful things mothers and MIL say

    I bet I'm not the only one here so I thought it might be cathartic to have a thread on the unhelpful/insensitive things mothers or MIL say.

    This is my first child (21 weeks gone) so although I'm not a big worrier I've always got that worry at the back of my mind that everything's okay in there, particularly given a miscarriage in the past and a few glitches with this pregnancy.

    Besides dismissing my thoughts about whether we can afford to have our baby at a private hospital, putting her two cents worth in about when I should go back to work, making rude comments about facial features in the 3D ultrasound images, calling me "fatty" etc, yesterday my mother exclaimed: "You know, you're going to have to produce a very special child to compete with your brother's."

    Now, I'm not competitive and it hasn't occurred to me to produce anything other than a healthy child. This was also said in front of my brother and his wife who are very competitive so would have loved it.

    What a dumb thing to say. Really.

  2. #2
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    Oh wow! That is incredible. What a ridiculous thing to say!! My mother is super competitive and it drives me crazy. As if your baby needs to compete with its cousin. Your mum sounds like she has some issues (sorry if that sounds rude).

    My MIL has lots of grandkids and isn't competitive between them. However she does this thing where she compares my kids to what she believes my DH was like as a child. For example, she expresses shock that my 3 year old can't swim on her own yet because she believes my DH TAUGHT HIMSELF to swim at one! She claims he was thrown in a pool and just instantly swam to the other side.

    She also can't believe my toddler is a fussy eater, because DH apparently ate everything even really hot curries before 1. And she is amazed my kids can't read because, you guessed it, she says DH taught himself how to sight read at 2 years old.

    My DH is beyond smart, but I do not believe he did the things she claims he did as a baby. And if he did, then he was obviously some rare child genius and my kids are not failures because they don't match that standard.
    Last edited by hollypolly; 09-08-2016 at 09:50.

  3. #3
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    @mima38 omg is that your mum or mil ?!? All of these things are completely unbelievable. you will really have to set some boundaries before her comments impact on the child!

    i just realised my MIL is an utter Angel. Although she did set up a nursery twice the size as ours "just in case" she needs to baby sit once I go back to work (planned to be @3 months).

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    Quote Originally Posted by hollypolly View Post
    Oh wow! That is incredible. What a ridiculous thing to say!! My mother is super competitive and it drives me crazy. As if your baby needs to compete with its cousin. Your mum sounds like she has some issues (sorry if that sounds rude).

    My MIL has lots of grandkids and isn't competitive between them. However she does this thing where she compares my kids to what she believes my DH was like as a child. For example, she expresses shock that my 3 year old can't swim on her own yet because she believes my DH TAUGHT HIMSELF to swim at one! She claims he was thrown in a pool and just instantly swam to the other side.

    She also can't believe my toddler is a fussy eater, because DH apparently ate everything even really hot curries before 1. And she is amazed my kids can't read because, you guessed it, she says DH taught himself how to sight read at 2 years old.

    My DH is beyond smart, but I do not believe he did the things she claims he did as a baby. And if he did, then he was obviously some rare child genius and my kids are not failures because they don't match that standard.
    Apparently my DH was toilet trained at 18 months.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to amyd For This Useful Post:

    hollypolly  (09-08-2016)

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    Your mum sounds like a real treasure

    When we told MIL that I was pregnant, she didn't even say congratulations, just I hope nothing goes wrong.

    My MIL refused to tell hubby's sister that we were pregnant in case something went wrong, so hubby called her and told her himself

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    Quote Originally Posted by hollypolly View Post
    Oh wow! That is incredible. What a ridiculous thing to say!! My mother is super competitive and it drives me crazy. As if your baby needs to compete with its cousin. Your mum sounds like she has some issues (sorry if that sounds rude).

    My MIL has lots of grandkids and isn't competitive between them. However she does this thing where she compares my kids to what she believes my DH was like as a child. For example, she expresses shock that my 3 year old can't swim on her own yet because she believes my DH TAUGHT HIMSELF to swim at one! She claims he was thrown in a pool and just instantly swam to the other side.

    She also can't believe my toddler is a fussy eater, because DH apparently ate everything even really hot curries before 1. And she is amazed my kids can't read because, you guessed it, she says DH taught himself how to sight read at 2 years old.

    My DH is beyond smart, but I do not believe he did the things she claims he did as a baby. And if he did, then he was obviously some rare child genius and my kids are not failures because they don't match that standard.
    This resonates with me!

    My dh:

    Never wet the bed (he remembers wetting it though)

    Never fought with his brother!!!!

    Never woke through the night as a baby or toddler.

    The list goes on. Rose coloured glasses I say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hollypolly View Post
    Oh wow! That is incredible. What a ridiculous thing to say!! My mother is super competitive and it drives me crazy. As if your baby needs to compete with its cousin. Your mum sounds like she has some issues (sorry if that sounds rude).

    My MIL has lots of grandkids and isn't competitive between them. However she does this thing where she compares my kids to what she believes my DH was like as a child. For example, she expresses shock that my 3 year old can't swim on her own yet because she believes my DH TAUGHT HIMSELF to swim at one! She claims he was thrown in a pool and just instantly swam to the other side.

    She also can't believe my toddler is a fussy eater, because DH apparently ate everything even really hot curries before 1. And she is amazed my kids can't read because, you guessed it, she says DH taught himself how to sight read at 2 years old.

    My DH is beyond smart, but I do not believe he did the things she claims he did as a baby. And if he did, then he was obviously some rare child genius and my kids are not failures because they don't match that standard.

    My FIL (who worked away most of the time DH was growing up, and when he wasn't working was windsurfing or boat fishing) told us a whole range of things DH could apparently do on his own at ridiculously early ages, including that DH and his brother never ever threw a tantrum while they were growing up because "they were taught how to behave", so as long as we teach our child the same way, we'll have no problem.

    MIL never says anything to contradict FIL in front of him, but when he went to the bathroom she said "Well it's not that I don't think you were wonderful DH but your dad is talking rubbish. And it's pretty hard to hear tantrums from 1000kms away, or the middle of the ocean..." LOL

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    Oh gosh I could write a book on the weird things my mom and MIL have said to me over the past few months.

    Ours is the first grandchild of the family so very big deal for everyone! My mom tends to comment on my physical appearance in a way she doesn't realise is rude, like actually asking me if I'm sure I've got my due date right - as if we're all a bunch of idiots who are confused about when my baby is due. Basically meaning I look bigger than I should be - which I don't even know how to respond to because I've never been pregnant before and short of measuring me (which my doctor has done and I am measuring exactly to my due date) I don't know how someone would come to that conclusion when they have no comparison. She also said the other day 'Wow you're really showing now, no turning back now!' Seriously??

    My MIL kept telling DH to remember to talk to the baby and tell it how loved and wanted it is - um why would our child feel unloved and unwanted just because we don't tell it when it's in the womb and can't even understand us?? Eventually I posted an article on Facebook about how people need to stop seeing dads as incompetent parents who can't possibly do anything as well as a mom can - I think she got the hint cause she hasn't said it again since.

    Remember that everyone has their deep issues that control their actions in ways that sometimes are meant in good faith.

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    Not rude, hollypolly. My mother does have issues. The worst thing is she knows my SIL tries to compete with me for some reason so egging her on doesn't help the situation at all.

    NORgirl - that was my mother. My MIL is about 100 times worse but I have the benefit of thousands of kilometres between us to buffer me from hearing her corkers.

    Lil Smurfy - that's terrible. I've had a bit of that from my mum too actually. The negative talk. And when we told her she just kind of grunted and asked if I meant it to happen. She changed topic pretty quickly too and glared at me with her "You're talking about yourself too much" look when I brought it up again. So I don't really bring it up now. Sad.

    MrsVZ - you're right about people having deep-seated issues. My mother's always been like this but I would have hoped she didn't at least put a dampener on my husband's excitement because the poor guy had been keeping the secret for so long and was about to jump out of his skin with excitement when we told her.


 

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