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  1. #61
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    I never once said that mental illness is not real or that she should get over it. I previously said that I'm aware of how it can impact one's parenting.

    If it's court ordered, that would be something that dhs would have put forward and they would do everything necessary to get the grandmother there, including paying for fuel.

    There are so many holes to this story and I'm definitely not the only one that can see them, but whatever. I'll leave you guys to keep playing along.

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  3. #62
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    Oh and let's all skim past VP's not to subtle dig at another member. We wouldn't want that to get in the way of a good story, now, would we?

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  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    I never once said that mental illness is not real or that she should get over it. I previously said that I'm aware of how it can impact one's parenting.

    If it's court ordered, that would be something that dhs would have put forward and they would do everything necessary to get the grandmother there, including paying for fuel.

    There are so many holes to this story and I'm definitely not the only one that can see them, but whatever. I'll leave you guys to keep playing along.
    No. It was just so strongly suggested that it was obvious.

    Whereas I would prefer to believe this is true and support someone who is struggling so her child ends up with a mother - rather than no mother at all. If that is 'playing along' then I am fine with that. And even in hindsight would be fine with it as it may just help someone else who is struggling.

    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Oh and let's all skim past VP's not to subtle dig at another member. We wouldn't want that to get in the way of a good story, now, would we?
    I have no idea what it is in relation to so sorry if I 'skimmed' over it.

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  7. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Myztiks#1Fan View Post
    Mine 9yr old does it the kettle way which is great for nights I literally can't do anything.
    That's what I meant, should of put kettle in the sentence. Scrambled eggs on toast is another one with a bit of ham chopped up in it, one of those shaker pancake mixes where you just add water or milk. These could be done the day before and put in the fridge. It's a hard life OP but your DS is 12 years d it's about time he got off his a*** pulled his socks up and actually lifted his weight around the house. If he can get a scholarship he can damned well make himself something easy for dinner

  8. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    I never once said that mental illness is not real or that she should get over it. I previously said that I'm aware of how it can impact one's parenting.

    If it's court ordered, that would be something that dhs would have put forward and they would do everything necessary to get the grandmother there, including paying for fuel.

    There are so many holes to this story and I'm definitely not the only one that can see them, but whatever. I'll leave you guys to keep playing along.
    They have been paying for fuel which op only found out a couple of weeks ago (she posted about it then). Her mum had been demanding fuel money from her whilst pocketing money provided by DHS.

  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-biscotti View Post
    Hang in there, I know things are a bit tricky.

    Although for what it's worth, your son is 12 and off to high school next year? I think he is more than capable of stuffing a roll with some cooked chook, and while he's there, he can make one for you too ......can't be much harder than spooning that ice cream into a bowl surely.
    Completely second that. Son needs to eat well. He is priority. It is harder to scoop ice cream than tear up some salad.
    Especially for a 12 year old.
    He shouldn't have to do this so if a parent is incapable I would be sure to call the carer out and tell her to get off her *** and do as she has to than let the child eat ice cream for dinner.

  10. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Obviously I'm not being clear enough. Either:

    Also, stop comparing this to someone with cancer, or someone with a physical disability. Even comparing pointless to someone else with mentall illness doesn't work.
    Having mental illness, or any disability or illness, doesn't mean dhs should just turn a blind eye to the risk of the child. Unfortunately, it is likely the reason for these risks, but that doesn't mean it's okay.
    Ok sorry you keep banging on about how you understand mental illness, but posts like this indicate you just don't.

    BUT, in relation to DHS and you suggesting OP is a troll or exaggerating because of the DHS side of things. Do you know how hard it is for a child to be taken away from a mother? I know a full blown crack addict who's children are suffering and all they did was call her to ask how she's doing. Multiple reports including the school and no one has even seen her yet. (This isn't having a dig at any child protection or any agencies, just pointing out how hard it is to actually have a child taken away).
    I guess my point in, stop looking for holes in this story. Yes, we don't know all the ins and outs, so just leave it be ok. Their are clearly people involved and from what I have read from the OP before, she loves her child more than anything in this world and that's probably what has saved her.

    To the OP, there have been some fantastic suggestions in this thread about how to help your son around your treatment. I also wonder if someone like Silver Chain may be able to help? Or, I have also seen a website where you can set up a schedule and people volunteer to cook and drop off meals to you on certain nights. I'm sure even here on BH there would be people in your area willing to help if that's something you'd be up for?

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  12. #68
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    Default how long to hold out for

    The OP often has similar threads asking for suggestions, which are always provided, yet excuses are given every time as to why none are valid / appropriate to her situation, even though they are as OP is very public about her situation.

    I find it incredibly hard to believe that no one would be pushing this matter further if they knew OP in person, especially when I've seen so many posts outlining her wishes that DS doesn't wake up to eat for fear she will harm herself while making his food, or that he has gone to a friends house because of exactly that. Or that she just simply doesn't want to be around him AT ALL for days at a time when the depression is at its worst (not just a one off, this seems to be quite frequent, imagine how this impacts said child). Understand this is how mental illness works but this isn't a long term solution, is it.

    These are very VERY big alarm bells, if she cannot even prepare food for her DS without thoughts of self harming using equipment she would prepare the food with.

    How is this ok?

    Either call out the grandmother with DHS (as per multiple PP suggestions) or pre plan meals for this night as there shouldn't even need to be a question asked about how long to hold out before feeding the child or pushing the grandmother.

    Attack this as you wish, but at the end of the day, it all seems to be going around in circles and is really quite sad for the child involved.

    The take away from this topic should be that if OP would just take on suggestions then it could make her life just that little bit easier, and these are not suggestions that are not attainable, from what I've seen.

    We should all be wishing OP the best to recover for both her sake and her DS, but when people constantly see attainable suggestions shut down you begin to wonder if there is any point to help (I've also seen many offers for help to be provided in person too).
    Last edited by baby245; 11-08-2016 at 10:34.

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  14. #69
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    It's not just the DHS side of things, but the whole picture.

    I am aware how hard it can be to remove a child, but he has already been put in care. There are then a large amount of protocols dhs would have to follow to allow him back in to her care. Given the risk is still very real and current, it indicates those protocols are not being followed. As I said earlier, if it isn't 1 or 2, this child is being let down, just like the children of the crack addict.

    There is usually a reason for a child to end up on the radar, be it addiction, DV, illness or generational issues that mean a parent doesn't know any different, but it's still a child at risk and that's the point I'm trying to make.

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  16. #70
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    Disclosure: I haven't read all the comments since my last one.

    I understand that people are concerned about the OP's DS. The OP has shared several times that she is worried about her DS, and that she wishes she had someone to help, amd someone reliable who could take over the care of her DS. The risks are real and current, and the OP and her care team have some strategies in place to help manage them. Maybe she needs more help. But there are things that have been said that I am concerned could be taken the wrong way in pointless1's mind, which will potentially lead to worse outcomes.

    As someone who has seen a parent go through catatonic depression, witnessed the effects first hand, and seen what it had meant - the fact that she is able to worry about her DS speaks volumes for her feelings. My dad regularly forgot to pick us up from mum for his weekends. He needed to be reminded about.... well, an awful lot of things, I'm not going to go into it in depth because I'll be here all day. My point is, if someone had said we couldn't see him any more, I would have been devstated, even if he wasn't capable of being a parent much of the time. Taking my father away from me and my brothers would have come close to destroying us and probably caused my dad to suicide.

    The suggestions that have been given are practical and helpful. BUT the OP isn't in a space to implement them. Comparing it to someone who is physically incapacitated isn't a stretch, because her MI is actually impacting on her physical abilities. I haven't ever been in the place that the OP is in, but on my worst days of depression I've not been able to get out of bed and face the world. I had my husband there to parent. I'm lucky. Is it so hard to actually believe that pointless is not capable of implementing strategies, when the only thoughts you have are intrusive thoughts of self harm, self hatred and beliving everyone is better off without you? Pointless would give her DS up for care if she could guarantee that he would be with someone who would love and care for him (as opposed to just physical care, and or other mistreatment as can happen). She's said that herself. Of course her son is at risk, his mother is seriously unwell. But she is still here. The impliction behind comments that she doesn't want to get better/is hopeless/doesn't want to look after her son is ridiculous, because while she is not able to cope *at the moment*, it's grossly untrue. And before you say that'd not the implication, you're able to rationally think about it. Pointless doesn't think much of herself or her parenting. In my darkest PND days, I would have taken some of the comments exactly as you've said them as I have worded the implied meanings. Things bite deeply when your self worth is shot.

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