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  1. #21
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    Hey pointless just wanted to say that from your posts in this thread it seems like you are in a clearer place. Hope things are going as well as they can for you (with treatment and a lazy mother!)

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  3. #22
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    Well, what does he eat?
    Maybe we can give some suggestions.

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    thanks @VicPark - ECT definitely has the effect of the days that follow it of helping the head be in a clearer place. Just need to find a way for it to last for more than a few days.

    He will eat chicken, bread, lettuce, avocado, peas, sausages, cucumber, cheese, brussell sprouts, carrots, mashed potato oranges, rice, eggs & banana. Nothing can be mixed & can't have any sauce or he won't touch it. When I can cook ahead I will cook some chicken fillets (or like this weekend when I saw one reduced to $5 I will pick up a bbq chicken)

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    I don't know how any of that would freeze, but surely you could cook some sausages, mash & veg in the days beforehand so he can just microwave it.

    Look, I get that you're not well, but your mother isn't doing what she's supposed to, so you need to go back to your case workers and get something new put in place or do what you have to in order to give your ds a meal each night.

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    I don't know how any of that would freeze, but surely you could cook some sausages, mash & veg in the days beforehand so he can just microwave it.

    Look, I get that you're not well, but your mother isn't doing what she's supposed to, so you need to go back to your case workers and get something new put in place or do what you have to in order to give your ds a meal each night.
    Honestly, you may acknowledge the illness I have, but the bit above I've highlighted shows pretty clearly that you have zero idea of just how debilitating the illness is.

    Out of curiosity, for those who have that opinion of "just make something in the days before" despite what I've said about being unable to, would you tell someone who was in a similar situation but unable to prepare stuff in the days before due to effects of cancer treatment or other similar major physical illness or disability that surely they can just get it done? Have you ever been in a situation where you have slept for less than 5 hours for an entire week, where your brain simply is not capable of communicating with your limbs to move, or you literally need to focus to breath? It is not a choice to not get up to do it. Not to mention, thinking of anything more than the next minute doesn't happen let alone in a few days time.

    Because when you are going through a catatonic depression, that is what life is like, that is why I have people on standby who can take DS from a text or call from either him or I until my parents destroyed that with their dealings with DHS. And it is not as simple as getting DHS case workers to put new things in place when they have decided they are happy with having kinship care in place and unwilling to listen. Heck DHS aren't even happy that he has sleepovers at friends places instead of me calling my parents to come take care of him on school nights when I know I'm not coping because according to them it is further sign of my instability even when they have been told by my mental health workers it isn't.

    When you are already feeling like total crap, being told that surely it isn't that hard to just do it in the days leading up when that period is often a struggle to actually survive, all it does is adds to a person's complete feelings of worthlessness. I am already well aware of how inadequate I am as a parent, don't need reminding of that

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    Personally, I don't see what other choice you have then. He needs to be fed, whether he feels like it or not.

    You either have more difficult conversations with your mother and try and force the feeding situation on her, or you take steps to ensure he can feed himself if you cannot do this for him on that particular day of the week.

    There's no point comparing to anyone else's situation as they are all unique.

    I think we get you're under pressure and not well, but you asked us for opinions and we gave them to you, even though you disagreed with most, so there's no point in suggesting anything else as what we have said are the most practical suggestions.

    As I mentioned, you don't seem to have any other choice as you don't want to talk to your mother so that leaves you with bearing the responsibility of ensuring DS has food to eat. It could be as simple as ensuring there is bread in the house and he could make himself a light vegemite sandwich (or similar). He may well have to use his left hand in the interim (until his broken fingers heal), if neither his grandmother or you are able to do this for him as he cant be expected to starve, even if he doesn't care himself.

    Do you eat or prepare your DS food during the week in between treatments? If yes, then why not make something extra and freeze for him when you do (as PP said, sausages as an example).

    Lastly, I don't think anyone on this thread has maliciously said anything about you being inadequate as a parent, we've simply provided suggestions, as you asked.

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    Default how long to hold out for

    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

    Will he eat hard boiled eggs? How about making some of those beforehand so they are just there to be peeled an eaten. Rice cooked beforehand to just be popped in the microwave? Teach him to make a toasted sandwhich? I know you can buy frozen veggies that are already in a pouch to be steamed in the microwave. Would that work? And then just make sure there's bananas.

  10. #28
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    Nope, don't try that.

    I do know how mental illness works, and I know how it can affect one's ability to parent.

    I'm also more than familiar with physical disabilities and I would say "surely you can..." because that is what we do; we give suggestions, find the best way to do something and then they do it, regardless of how long it takes. So, that's not the best comparison for you to make.

    No doubt I'm coming across as blunt, which is probably why you're assuming I'm naive to it all. Regardless of how you feel that day, or what your mum is (or isn't) doing, there's a 12 year old child involved, and it seems like so many posters that reply to your threads are ignoring that.

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  12. #29
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    can you just get a $5 dominos pizza delivered on the nights following your ect? I know it's hardly the peak of nutritional eating but he'll be fed at least and it requires minimal effort or cost on anyone else's part?

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    can you just get a $5 dominos pizza delivered on the nights following your ect? I know it's hardly the peak of nutritional eating but he'll be fed at least and it requires minimal effort or cost on anyone else's part?
    It's only $5 if you collect it.
    @pointless1 You need to contact your carers and tell them what is going on. Ask them if they can set up a camera or something in your home so they can document it. Tell them you are very stressed out and are trying hard to prepare in advance but are finding it really really difficult.
    Tell your 12 year old he needs to eat X amount every day, and ask him how he will help ensure that he does.
    Put something on the fridge, that he or you can tick, so he is reminded- this involves prep I know. It doesn't need to be done right away. When you can grab a pen and paper and get your son to do it- it's for him after all.

    I have a friend with a similar illness, and she is told all the time to "just get on with it", "you have no choice", "there is a child involved"... she knows all this, as you do. But there are days where it's just not possible. And when those days line up in one week... Sigh. It's frickin' hard, this life thing.

    Where are you located?

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