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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    Freyamum, I don't think he should dictate how you do your job any more than you could dictate to him how to do his!
    And not every decision has to be jointly made.
    I can't tell you what to do but if it were me I'd start with a big list for storage and head to Kmart.
    There's some great ideas on the Kmart mums FB page for storage and it's all very reasonably priced.
    Set a little project, get the kids involved to and they might take more care of their stuff.

    I would also get that safe area sorted. Just do it.
    What's the worst he's going to say?
    Your DD won't play independently now but when she does you're both going to benefit from a little time apart, let her do her thing while you do yours.
    Mine go out the back and play all day, weather permitting.
    This house is shabby and old but the garden is huge and safe, it's the only reason why we wanted to rent here. I actually cried the day we moved in as it was so neglected but I've gotten over it and have done the best I can with it.

    My personal little godsend is DH's gaming headset.
    I can walk all over the house and garden with those things on and tuned into the radio or a podcast, anything that engages the brain a bit while I potter.
    Before I know it the work is done and I've barely acknowledged the drudgery

    Great noise cancellation too so the kids can whinge all they like, mammy doesn't care.


    I should add that I can still hear the kids, they're just muffled.
    Thanks phony. I'd rather have a crap house inside if we had decent outdoor space. Our front lawn is our only garden and I just don't think it's possible to enclose. One side is an unused driveway, other steps to lawn. But there's no barrier between the houses on either side so fencing off would be a significant job. I'm not sure it's even doable. Hard to describe. I'm trying to figure out how to make the outdoor area downstairs safe. We have a narrow L shaped patio area that I feel could be utilised better. I've spent hours looking at the space and Pinterest and back again but still not got a plan. At one side there's a funny steep bank that leads up to the driveway and the other is by the pool and only fenced off by make shift barrier using our old playpen. The side that leads to the road I mean, the pool is fully fenced but even if I could fully fence off the side bit from the road I'd still be wary of the pool as she's a little monkey! And the back fence has a few gaps and that leads into bush and golf course. But in saying all that I think this is my best option to focus on. Never going to be a fully fenced yard but I spend so much time downstairs doing laundry and stuff she could play out there with me half watching from the rumpus. We have a reserve beside us and end of cul de sac so house is ok for older kids. But somehow I have to get through the next 4/5 years.
    The issue with storage is we have a lot of glass "walls". There's nowhere in the lounge to put up a decent sized bookcase / shelving and it's the same downstairs all sides are glass, the one wall leads to the door so can only fit in narrow shelving. I'm probably just not creative enough but it felt good to chat to mil and despite her experience and being super organised woman she is also stumped at what we can do!!

  2. #32
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    @Freyamum could you post a floor plan of your house/property? If you don't have one you can often find them doing a Google search of your address and find the old real estate listing, or could sketch one. I'm sure there are people on here with a wealth of creative ideas to help you. Just a thought. Maybe get a landscaper in to see what they can do with fencing and retaining walls to make a child friendly yard.
    I still think that this is just a symptom of the problem and not the real problem. I'm not disputing that it's a huge issue for you but there are many other things at play too. The counseling appt is a positive step forward. I'm sorry your DH won't attend with you. How do you feel about that?

  3. #33
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    I was going to suggest what Gingermillie said re posting a floor plan. Or maybe a few pictures as well. You never know there might be some creative brains here on BubHub (not mine!)

  4. #34
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    Another one here going to ask for a floor plan.
    DH would be pretty creative with space and maybe have a few suggestions for makeshift inside walls?

    Other than that, considering all the obstacles regarding the house, I would definitely look at putting it up for rent and renting a smaller one for a few yrs.
    I think I suggested that before though.

  5. #35
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    Default Taking back control of my life...

    Hun there is no excuse for yelling - your husband absolutely should not have done that.

    From what you've posted though it sound like he does a fair amount considering he's working outside the home as well. There must be more to the cereal bowl incident (one leaving a dirty bowl on the sink would annoy me too, especially if someone was also expressing frustration with doing housework). I trust that there are other valid reasons for your crankiness towards your hubby - not trying to minimise those reasons.

    It sounds like the ball is in your court. If you are struggling, get help. Demand help. Resolution can't be obtained by projecting your own (arguably unrealistic) expectations on others. Having a perfect house and leisurely Saturday morning is not going to happen when you have (young) kids. It's best to come to terms with that. Look to yourself for improving your own happiness - lower the expectation, review the need for control. Give yourself a night a week where you are not allowed to do any housework and you sit with hubby, have a glass of wine and watch a movie. Liberate yourself - you deserve to be able to relax and enjoy your life.

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 08-08-2016 at 17:12.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    Another one here going to ask for a floor plan.
    DH would be pretty creative with space and maybe have a few suggestions for makeshift inside walls?

    Other than that, considering all the obstacles regarding the house, I would definitely look at putting it up for rent and renting a smaller one for a few yrs.
    I think I suggested that before though.
    Yes I think renting is a good idea but he sees no issues with the house so no go.

    Thanks for the suggestion to put up a floor plan but there was none with the house and my attempt to sketch didn't go well.

    I'll describe it...

    Street level: carport. Steep unused driveway on one side, steps on the other. Small uneven lawn with little patio. Then few steps to a large deck that wraps around house. Or take steps down to outdoor lower level.
    Deck is lovely, great views of golf course. But can't put any furniture out there cus of massive drop to concrete below and can't find a way to even block off so she can't get onto the road - she's fast up the drive way! I used to block it with the playpen but she can knock it over now. I was looking for a large safety gate but not found one yet.
    Enter house, open plan kitchen dining lounge. Dining area quite narrow. Doesn't fit much storage. Lounge has one side full length window, other is French doors, other side is banisters. 3 bedrooms, 1 bath.
    Downstairs rumpus with little tv alcove, no walls all just windows. Small study, barhroom, laundry and spare bedroom.
    Outside the rumpus you can go up steps to the lawn or into pool. Then the patio area that wraps around to the clothes line at the end. It's quite narrow and the deck supports cut it up but I'm sure it's the best place to attempt some space for ms2 to play without me hanging over her. Only thing is the steep bank at the end that leads back up to the lawn.
    I got a landscaper in recently and she was stumped too LOL. She did have some ideas for making some spaces better for kids to play but nothing that would make it toddler safe.
    Tbh since I've had inlaws here I've had time to relax and not so stressed out. I think I'd find it easier to suck it up if dp didn't have a go at me for pointing out the issues. Probably if I had family here I'd let some of the frustration out chatting to them

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  8. #37
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    Reading this via the App during my break at work so my reply will be briefer than I'd like it to be.

    I can relate to the OP.

    What I really struggle with is not the mundane nature of the housework but the feeling that my contribution is somehow not recognised or valued as much as it should be. I can't expect my 4 yo and 2yo to get it but I do wish that my DH would demonstrate his appreciation of my efforts a lot more. That could be with words or by acts of appreciation/kindness. These things seem to be in short supply for parents who stay at home to look after the kids who don't work in the paid workforce. It's nice to be recognised sometimes.

    Also OP, if I told my DH that I was really struggling and feeling overwhelmed with the house and I asked to talk about storage ideas I would expect my DH to respect that this is genuinely what I needed. He needs to respect that, doesn't he. See for me, the underlying message I would walk away with is that my DH doesn't value how I feel...and this is and always will be a hugely depressing trigger point for me.

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  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    Reading this via the App during my break at work so my reply will be briefer than I'd like it to be.

    I can relate to the OP.

    What I really struggle with is not the mundane nature of the housework but the feeling that my contribution is somehow not recognised or valued as much as it should be. I can't expect my 4 yo and 2yo to get it but I do wish that my DH would demonstrate his appreciation of my efforts a lot more. That could be with words or by acts of appreciation/kindness. These things seem to be in short supply for parents who stay at home to look after the kids who don't work in the paid workforce. It's nice to be recognised sometimes.

    Also OP, if I told my DH that I was really struggling and feeling overwhelmed with the house and I asked to talk about storage ideas I would expect my DH to respect that this is genuinely what I needed. He needs to respect that, doesn't he. See for me, the underlying message I would walk away with is that my DH doesn't value how I feel...and this is and always will be a hugely depressing trigger point for me.
    This totally! I'm not even looking for some perfectly clean and organised house just not to feel so chaotic and disorganised. I totally accept doing the lions share because he works but it's the sheer volume of it now. It shouldn't all be my responsibility. And it's all a combination of things. It's not just that we have no garden or that the laundry is downstairs and line outside (used to be bigger issue when bub just crawling or small lego pieces strewn around) or that there's an unnatural amount of dust, or that there's no walls to get shelves for storage or that ds has wee and poo issues and frequently needs all his bedding washed / leaves poo smears each toilet trip or that dd1 still has huge emotional tantrums out of nowhere or that I don't see my friends now as we're out of sync with baby #3 or that I've no family here not even anyone near the Timezone... It's just you put that all together and the nagging fear that I'll never be able to find a decent job again and my head explodes!!!
    Phew!
    But also on the lack of appreciation. A few year ago dp was hating work and i suggested he quit and I felt sure I could find some admin work even if took a while or bit of retraining. It'd be a struggle financially but it seemed a good idea to me. His response "I couldn't just sit around for months". Cheers that's what you think I do! Last time I ever felt guilty about him working and me staying home

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  12. #39
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    How about making a (lighthearted) photo diary of your day?
    Your DP is coming in on the tail end and doesn't see what's involved.
    I mean, he should have a feckin clue by now but still, men need visuals!
    Just for giggles (or you'll go mad) take a photo of each room as you leave it, how you find it, and how the magical fairies somehow came in and cleaned it before your DP came home.
    I was going to send you a pic of my living room yesterday morning as I sat here chatting away, it looked like something off Hoarders!

  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    How about making a (lighthearted) photo diary of your day?
    Your DP is coming in on the tail end and doesn't see what's involved.
    I mean, he should have a feckin clue by now but still, men need visuals!
    Just for giggles (or you'll go mad) take a photo of each room as you leave it, how you find it, and how the magical fairies somehow came in and cleaned it before your DP came home.
    I was going to send you a pic of my living room yesterday morning as I sat here chatting away, it looked like something off Hoarders!
    I have often sent my dh a photo of a clean room or a mopped floor saying thought I would let you admire this because it wont look like this when you get home and i would hate for you to miss out 😊

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